Oh god oh god oh god oh god
Okay. OKAY! I need to calm down. Shall I go from the beginning?
I need your advice. I need your advice on – wait for it; wait for it-
Don’t throw up… I have a rather superficial and pathetic dilemma.
Okay. There are two boys (GAG why am I writing this?). Let’s call them… Ash and Cedar.
HAHAHAHA, see what I did there? Elm, Ash, Cedar… I’m not funny. Wow.
Ash: I’ve ‘fancied’ him for a year, and been in love with him for half that time. He’s honestly one of my best friends: we trust each other so much, and even if we’ve just recovered from an argument, we’re still friends. We still mean a lot to each other, and understand each other so much. He knows so many things about me, and I of him, that we can’t NOT understand each other. He’s brilliant, and I have serious feelings for him. Your classic teenage love shit.
Cedar: One month. Or so. As in, I’ve ‘fancied’ him for one month. Weirdly enough, I first started talking to him in science. WOW! Such cliche… Anyway: Cedar makes me happy. It’s sort of a laughing feeling, the kind you get when you’re really, really happy. It’s new, it’s different, it’s horrific, I hate it and it’s not serious. I hope.
The Cedar Situation
Yesterday, I went to the canteen to buy some lunch (because I forgot mine, yes, call me a moron). When I came back, I went to sit on the grass with my group of friends. Cedar was there, which was kind of unusual. I sat next to him, and we talked – at one point, he asked me if I wanted a flower. I took it, and as a piss take he took my cane (blind person stick thing WOW!) It’s difficult to describe exactly what happened, but I was so happy for the rest of the day.
I’ve got a friend – SCREW THIS! Let’s stick with the tree names. So, let’s call her Pine. I told Pine about the situation, and she was squealing and stuff like a lot of my friends do (blurgh).
She shares engineering with Cedar. Of course, she neglected to tell me earlier today (she actually told me in music, the last lesson of the day) THAT IN engineering, she’d asked Cedar if he had feelings for me. Aww, thanks, Pine… Still recovering from that one.
His response? “Um… Ish… Maybe… Yeah…” And the yeah was said really quietly. I have no proof apart from Pine’s word that Cedar said that, but WHAT THE FUCK?! What am I supposed to do?
The Ash Situation
Bloody hell. Right. So this happened yesterday, too.
I have ANOTHER friend (OI!) and let’s call her Willow. Willow shares a sociology class with Ash. They have that at the same time I have history (last lesson of the day) and after history, I go to meet Willow at her classroom. Yesterday, Ash and a few of the other boys were getting screamed at by the teacher (I swear she’s sexist, it’s awful). Like creeps, Willow and I listened, but the teacher saw us so we ran out of the doors. When we got outside, Willow literally started screeching and dashing about. Here’s why:
Ash sits next to a boy, called Cameron. Cameron asked Ash who he fancied, and they’d narrowed it down to the first letter of the first name, and that she was on our half of the year.
I just need to state: in real life, Willow and I both have the same first letter of our first name. So, Cameron was guessing. Three guesses later:
“Can’t you think of ANY other names beginning with E?” (I’m using E as an example).
Willow turned round. “I can think of PLENTY of names beginning with E,” she said, extremely pointedly.
According to her, Ash’s face drained of all colour, and he said, “Don’t help him!” She is now convinced he fancies me.
Oh god, I feel like such a show-off. “EYYY LOOK AT ME! Like 2 boys fancy me, OMG I’M SO POPULAR AND PRETTY AND-”
Blargh no. Sorry if it comes across that way; I don’t mean it like that. Truth be told, I’m terrified.
I’d go with Ash, any day. But I have NO proof he fancies me: in fact, he hasn’t been speaking to me recently, and most of our communication is. done via the internet. Sounds weird, but there ya go. So how am I sused to believe he loves me?
Cedar, though – the thing is, what if I pick ing ‘wrong’ one? What if I choose Ash, but it turns out he doesn’t fancy me, and then I ruin everything I had with Cedar? Bloody hell, that’s arrogant.
I don’t really know what to do. I’m terrified of asking them both, because what if Cedar asks me out? HAHAHAHA YEAH RIGHT. But what if he does? Am I completely misjudging this?
Any advice would be the best thing in the world. Sorry for the seriously long post!
I feel like such a slut or an arse. My teenaged problems are so insignificant!