I trusted two people today with the fact that I’m in love with ash. It was too scary for my liking, really, because I find it difficult to trust – OHOH, cliche! CLICHE!
The first is a girl from my sociology class and I don’t know why I told her – she won’t tell, though. If she does… Well, I’ll do something drastic. Argh, that makes me sound like a psychopath.
The second was my friend – let’s call him Red, because he has ginger hair. Red… Red and Ash hate each other. So much. So, so, so much.
Long story: a lot of it was kind of my fault. Well, no – not really. But I was involved. Their argument was their doing, but it only happened because Ash asked me if I could find out Red’s opinion of him… Yup.
So, Ash and Red. I asked Red today to tell me who he fancies, mainly because yesterday, Willow had told HIM who she fancies. Stereotypical, eh! Heh. Post about that later.
First, I told him about cedar. That was… Well, it wasn’t bad.
But then I had to tell him about Ash. Fuck… Our conversation went like this: (sorry for the unimbelishment of this; I’m tired)
“Hey… You said, yesterday, that you only hated one person? Well… Who is it?”
“Oh… What actually HAPPENED?”
Following this is a very long explanation that is omitted for privacy reasons.
“Yeah, he’s my friend I think? We haven’t been speaking recently though and… I dunno, I…”
“Oh! You can be friends with him; don’t let my dislike of him get in the way of that!”
“Well I kind of… Oh god please please don’t judge me! You won’t, will you?”
“Just tell me! I promise not to judge.”
“Well I… I fucking fancy him!”
Pause. “Oh okay.”
He was fine with it. He said that there was no way he’d try and get in the way of that, and that ESPECIALLY if I ‘fucking fancied him’ – his words! – then it was all the better.
Red is fucking amazing. We had a very long, very deep conversation that lunchtime.
On the subject of Ash: I don’t know what the hell is going on. I miss the days where we could just talk and know what the other was thinking. I miss the days when I had problems and he would help me, and when he had problems I would help him.
Back then, I thought that things were bad because of other friendship stuff. Now I realise I should have held onto those conversations for as long as I could.
DAMNIT TO HELL.
From a pissed off and slightly – SLIGHTLY?! – confused Elm