And the Awkward Thing Is, That’s the Closest I’ve Ever Got To A Boy


I… I… Let’s take this from the beginning, shall we?

Yesterday, I was at my friend’s house – they’re family friends, called Poppy and Rose. Poppy is a year younger than me; Rose is my age.

I initially went round there for dinner. I hadn’t seen them in a while and to be honest, I missed them loads.

There were a few people round their house. One of which being this boy, called Alder (not his real name): I’d met Alder a few times before. Poppy and Rose knew his family through the Hebrew classes they go to, I think.

At one point, we went into the living room and all talked for a while. But then, we went upstairs to watch the TV. All of us – Poppy, Rose, me and Alder – were sitting on the bed.

But then, we all eventually transferred to lying down. First it was half-sitting and half-lying.

It was quite crowded on the bed, mainly because Poppy was hogging all the space. I was sitting next to Alder, and it all started when our arms were pressed together – Rose had gone to the loo but when she came back, I moved up next to Alder.

I remember him saying something along the lines of, “I don’t bite, don’t worry!” For some reason unbeknownst to me, I’d gone from being quite a ways away from him to REALLY close. REALLY CLOSE. It was terrifying.

But then, somehow – I don’t exactly know when or how it happened – we were all lying down. We all turned to watch the TV – THEY did but I did it anyway because it was more comfortable.

So, Alder was behind me. I was behind Rose and Rose was behind Poppy.

And Alder and I were really close. I felt him shift slightly – and then things get hazy, because, well…

He put his arm around me. LITERALLY. He was fucking spooning me. I don’t… I…

He said, “Do you mind if I put my arm around you? It would just be awkward if I had my arm on your back or something.”

“I don’t mind,” I squeaked. At that point, Rose had gone to the toilet.

Alder and I talked a little whilst watching the TV. It was a comedy program and whenever he laughed, I felt how close he was.

That was, of course, until Poppy decided to say THIS:

“God, it’s so cringy listening to your conversations! ‘I don’t mind you putting your arm around me, Alder!'”

I screamed something along the lines of “OH MY GOD, go fuck yourself up the arse with a sledgehammer!” and moved away from Alder. He said that he was only spooning me so that he wouldn’t fall off the bed because Poppy was taking up all the room.

She then decided to point out, rightly so, that there was a LOT of room between me and her. I got so embarrassed and moved away even further, but it was damn uncomfortable.

WHY? Because I was cold, okay? COLD. What can I say? I missed the, er, company? FUCK! That’s weird.

But then, yet again, we ended up close again. He put his arm around me once more, after a few minutes of just lying next to each other. I could feel him breathing and I swear that I was blushing like a moron and my heart was beating so fast I couldn’t concentrate. We were so quiet and relaxed – he moved my hair out of the way because it was getting in his face BECAUSE HIS FACE WAS SO DAMN CLOSE. I had my hand on his arm and I could feel every minute shift in his posture.

I stayed over at their house – my dad had nearly come into the room that we were in and I did NOT want him to see me like that. So I said I’d stay over – mostly because I wanted to but also because, well, I did not want to leave my position. It was so comfortable and I never knew if I’d get to have that again.

Rose came in at one point and screeched, “OH my god you two are so cuddly!” and ran back downstairs.

He had to go and I remember feeling this immense sense of loss when I stood up. I followed him downstairs to say bye, and I wanted desperately to talk to him but I couldn’t at all because his parents were standing right there. He’s originally from America, and is moving back there in August – but when I asked him, he said that he’d see me before that.



I nearly hugged him. Nearly. I remembered what it was like to have him so close, and to feel him breatheing and to have his arm around my waist. I miss it.

I know that he was only “spooning” me out of necessity, but then why did he put his arm around me like that? He DID, after one of our oh-my-god-this-is-kinda-awkward-im-moving-away moments, have his arm thrown over the covers but still technically very near me.

It had a “romantic” undertone to it. I KNOW that we both felt it. Well, I HOPE he did. Because I damn well certainly did, unless it was in my imagination.

I feel like a right… I was going to say slut but I don’t like that word.

Ugh. I have never, ever got that close with a boy before. To girls, yes, but never in a bed. With girls, it’s only felt similar to what happened with Alder on a few occasions. I’ll make a post about that later.

I can’t stop thinking about it damnit!

23 thoughts on “And the Awkward Thing Is, That’s the Closest I’ve Ever Got To A Boy

    • It’s one of my more creative insults, along with “YOU UNCOUTH SLIME!” And yes – I was shocked at the contact. I was so aware of it and him.

  1. Oh, my God. I feel like I don’t experience anything while you’re just getting spooned by guys?! Haha, sounds nice though. xx

  2. My mom thought I was talking to my boyfriend (I don’t have one lololol) because I was reading this and smiling at my phone screen like a lunatic

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