When You Realised You Wanted Birch a Little Too Late – THIS IS SO CLICHE

(This is a long as arse post; I’m sorry).

Before I jump into this “EYYY I need your advice again HELP me because I am a puny mortal!” I just need to say this.

Guys guys guys! Thank you for all those awards! Unfortunately I won’t be able to post many of them until… A long time. But thank you SO MUCH! I apreciate it a lot. I have the Freestyle Writing Challenge, Creative Blogger Award and Blog Tour to do. I’m just a little out of sorts today.

Ha. I’m trying not to laugh.

You guys know about Ash and Cedar, but… Now it’s time to talk about Birch. (I love tree names WOW)

I sit next to him in History – OI! Stop laughing at these cliches! I KNOW, I KNOW!

I can’t quite describe how I feel about him. He makes me laugh so much. We talk, usually in lessons but we can talk over the internet, too. There’s a balance. It’s not like Ash – I’m not close with Birch. But it’s not like Cedar – I don’t have to watch myself around him.

I realised when we had a conversation, over the fucking internet, a few days ago. I just need to say this – I help Birch with his homework. A lot. Whenever I get a message from him, I just know it’s “Can you help me?” And that makes me upset sometimes, because I get the impression I’m being used. It’s fucked up – remind me why I “fancy” him again? HAH!

But I wasn’t being used this time. This time we had a proper conversation. Of course we’d had proper conversations before – I gave him girlfriend advice once (they’re not going out though and I don’t know what’s going on with that). And I told him some of the things about Ash, and in return he told me about his previous almost-girlfriend who’s a right bitch.

But that day, we just had a conversation. It made me think – “If he were using me, then why did he contact me just to say hi?” He’s away for a few lessons of History (it’s the only time I can see him because I have no other classes with him) – he’s got exams.

I was scared, any second, he was going to ask about homework. But he didn’t.

I don’t know. I don’t know what to do. I think this has been building up for a while, honestly. The boy who sits next to us accuses us of flirting all the time. I DON’T FLIRT! It’s not me, at all. I just laugh a lot because he’s funny and for FUCK’s SAKE!!!! (Calm, Elm, calm)

I’m just so confused. I don’t want to fancy him because he’s a… Very typical teenaged boy. He’s a moron – I KNOW that. I’m sort of scared of… What he’s done? Nah, that’s not right – I DON’T KNOW! He goes to parties and all that – and if you know me, then you know I never go to parties because I’m too scared and just… He isn’t serious, either. I want serious, sometimes.

He’s back in history on the 16th. I’m scared of how I’ll react, now I’ve realised how I could possibly feel about him. He said it was going to be a right laugh and that I should mark the day down on my calendar.

Oh god. What am I even doing?!

He can’t replace Ash. Nobody can. Ash will always be a part of me. But…

AHA! AHAHAHAHA, HAHA, HA! Sorry… Couldn’t resist that. Just read over that last paragraph – READ IT! It’s so cliche oh god what is this

Dear god! I’m so hung up over some conversation that meant NOTHING! We haven’t talked much since and I’m scared he just thinks I’m weird. I’ve just been thinking… And thinking… It’s not like Ash where I understand him. I don’t understand Birch.

(Sneer. Birch is such a stupid name. I’m such a stereotype I can’t even. I mean honestly reading over this shitty post is actually making me cringe)

What should I do?

I haven’t explained this fully, but I don’t know how.

From Elm

46 thoughts on “When You Realised You Wanted Birch a Little Too Late – THIS IS SO CLICHE

  1. Take a deep breath Elm. It sounds like you’re overthinking a lot of this. Why not just take it moment by moment, don’t over analyze it and enjoy it for whatever it is (a future friendship, a future flirtation, a future nothing.) But when you’re so worried about all the if, ands and buts, you miss out on what could be a perfectly enjoyable moment. The less seriously you take it, the more likely it will follow it’s own path. Also, be open to experiencing all different kinds of people and relationships. Sometimes we think there is one type of person for us so we shut out all the other possibilities when it’s actually one of those other possibilities that will make you really happy. Be open. Be in the present moment. And most importantly, just focus on being true to you.

  2. Do me a favor, stop thinking for a while. You’re confused and stuck in a typical teenage situation. None of it is going to make it any better. Now that Birch is away you should take some time for you, do what you love. When he comes back you’ll see how you react. If you think of all the possible reactions he might really think you’re weird. If you just act like the person you are the situation will feel pretty normal. Keep an open mind and don’t worry the possibilities and chance away that you have (that you just don’t know about yet because you’re thinking too much).

    • But not thinking has got me into crap before. I guess you’re right but it’s difficult because I’m already going through shit and I don’t want to get hurt again.

      • Of course you should think about the basic things. But you’re thinking so much about this Birch situation that you don’t see any light at the end of the tunnel. Too much confusion can get you into the same crap because you’ll ignore the most logical thoughts. Just take a breather for a few days. No one wants to get hurt and it’s good to be protective of yourself. Still, confusion can get you hurt because you’re more or less starting to act on impulse rather than logic. As I said, take a few days off from thinking and cross the bridge when you come to it. Being confused you’re in danger of burning it down and then there’s no crossing and you’ll have to find another one. Just take things one step at a time.

  3. In watching your thoughts swirl Elm I can share from my life’s experiences is that boys like to chase. It’s like this evolutionary thing where they need to pursue their prey. The surest way to get someone interested is to act disinterested. I’m not suggesting you play games here though. I’m suggesting that you rise above games and worry and doubt and rest in the truth of yourself. Be friendly. Be gracious. Be you. You are most attractive to others when you are being true to yourself. So stand tall in who you are. The person you are meant to be with will do the work to be with you and you will not have to compromise yourself. Stop analyzing and start living in the moment. It’s when you let go of trying to figure everything out that everything becomes clear. Sending you a big hug!

      • I’m glad it’s helpful. I started the Secret Handbook 4 Teens because there is a lot of stuff you learn as you go through life that is really important for teens to understand. The problem, is that most adults think you can’t or won’t understand it or that you just have to go through it yourself. Don’t get me wrong, you do need those life experiences along the way but I think everyone benefits from a little advice now and then too! Hugs to you!

  4. Don’t overthink this.. It just gets on your mind and you can’t do anything else. AT ALL. It’s frustrating and you feel like tearing your hair out (but you don’t. because your hair is more important :P) It’s a sticky situation but honestly forget about Birch for now or just go with the flow.. No one can guarantee that you won’t get hurt or you’ll definitely get hurt.. Life doesn’t work that way.. You just need to ride it out and go with your gut instinct..

    • Bloody hell everyone’s right! πŸ™‚ Thank you so so much; your advice means the world. I think I’m just going to go with the flow – that is, do whatever feels right and not think so much.

  5. Just let it flow, over thinking can do an abundance of harm to ones mind…especially if you kind of like him, but more friend like him and then you over think and something comes out wrong. I’m pretty sure he’s not trying to use you for assignment help either, he just needs help and he knows you’re smart and that you’re helpful when he needs it…just go with the flow, chill out and just be the beautiful and wonderful Elm. πŸ˜‰ Boys are a pain anyway hehe.

  6. Oh Elm, you remind me of a younger version of myself in a few ways. Not joking, I used to have a VERY similar ‘crush’ on someone, who I also sat next to in History (and French, Chemistry, Biology and Physics…). But he was just another crush. I guess your age is the period where you spend time thinking about crushes. Good luck with him nevertheless!

    • Thank you! It just feels weird to have this… Crush, because I am – or was I don’t know – genuinely in love with Ash. I know for certain that the feelings I have and had for Ash went much, much beyond a simple crush. And I don’t even know what these feelings are.
      But thank you so so much for understanding.

  7. I know how you feel, but I’ve learnt that your only going to live once and that time goes by so quickly. I really liked this boy, I have known him for ages and hes like a brother to me. But when this new boy waltzed in my life turning me and everything I loved upside. I felt like I was almost cheating on him. But I’ve realised that I’m allowed to like people espically boys that make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Just go with your heart and see where it leads you!

    • Thank you so much for your amazing advice πŸ™‚ You’re right. I don’t know – I’m so used to being… Sensible?

  8. πŸ˜€ I know how it feels!!! We can try to do one thing a day that’s out of our comfort zone every day, you must keep me updated, I’m always here if you need help πŸ˜€

  9. I reckon you’re overthinking this a little bit! Just try to go with it, and do what you want to do. And if it gets really overwhelming say something subtle (or if you want, not so subtle) or just forget about guys altogether for a few days. πŸ™‚

    • Haha I love your advice so much! Thank you πŸ™‚ You’re right. Heh, SUBTLETY! πŸ˜€ Also – I can’t seem to get to your blog? 😦

      • What, as in my account doesn’t link to it? Fixing now, thanks for telling me. πŸ™‚

      • Think it should work now but if it doesn’t please tell me so I can try it again πŸ™‚

      • Nope 😦 I think you go to… It might be somewhere in settings, or on the my profile link. And there should be a box that with a site URL that says that this is what will link from your comments.

      • I’m so confused, when I go to ‘my profile’ at the bottom it says ‘profile links’ and then right there is the link to my site?! I’ve tried taking it off and putting it back on, if it doesn’t work this time I’m going to send an email or something. Thank you so much for the help though! πŸ™‚

      • Okay I just signed out of my account and visited my site and when I look at the comments and click on my name ‘Luna’ it does nothing so I’m sorting it out, but if you want to access my blog it works if you click on my picture (the pink heart) and then at the bottom of the Gravatar there’s a link. πŸ™‚

  10. Elm, I think that you should take a little break, just for a little while. Forget boys, boys are dumb and just no. If you take a break your thoughts will clear and it will feel like a weight has been LIFTED!

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