Really, my interactions with people are laughable.
THIS is what happened:
I’d just come upstairs from getting a drink when I heard a knock on the front door. My mum is the kind of parent who says ‘Don’t EVER ANSWER THE DOOR!’ And me, being the rebellious child, walked downstairs and opened the door.
I sort of peeked around it – pointless, because I can’t bloody see but y’know, I wanted to see how tall the person was and that.
I just stood there and waited for them to speak.
They must have seen the way I wasn’t REALLY looking at them just then. My eyes do this weird-ass thing where they, er, roll around? I don’t really know.
“Um, can you see?”
“Wha – er, no.” I said that so frankly that it shocked me. And I’d also never really had anyone ask me that. I wasn’t offended or anything.
“Well, is anybody home?”
“Erm not at the moment, but… Who is… I mean, um, who are you?” WOW, ELM! WOW!
“Oh, I’m from the Shooting Star Children’s Hospice.”
“Oh! Well, my mum’s coming back in about.. 3 hours?” (Lie, it was more like an hour).
“So you could come back then…”
“Yes, I’ll do that.”
“Okay bye!” And then I close the door, turn round, run into the kitchen and dissolve into laughter.
Oh my god. That was so so so embarrassing WHAT THE OSCAR!
Let me just crawl into a hole and not emerge for a decade.
Meet Elm: a girl who can’t string a sentence together and becomes incredibly awkward at the worst moments. TAH-DAH!