Am i Me? What Am I?

My wrists feel bloody freezing and sort of… Floppy.

Er. That usually signifies a period of un-motivation.

When I say un-motivation, I mean: I don’t want to do homework. No – I mean, I physically can’t do homework. And that’s shit because, well, French, English, History… Too many. WAY too many.

I’m in that state between happiness and complete misery where I can feel the Ash memories below the surface but something’s stopping them from the things bombarding me with all that crap. I want to talk to Birch but then I just think, “What’s the point? There won’t be any substance to it.”

I want to write a story but again, I just think, “I can’t. I don’t… WANT to?”

It’s confusing. I don’t really know what I am right now. And yes, that sentence was purposeful.

I just feel really empty, which is odd because I had my music performance today which made me feel SO happy.

I’m so sorry – I can’t read blogs right now. I get panicked whenever I think about it. I WANT to, god I do, but I just feel really weird right now.

I’m not sad. Just so confused. I’m in the limbo area so anything could push me in either direction, towards happiness or complete… Shit.

I need to do something to prevent the latter option but to be honest, I just either don’t know what or can’t be bothered? Nah, that’s not it but I can’t place it.

I just feel so… Odd. I thought to myself today that I was so, so sick of everyone and I felt violently angry, and then my mood switched because music. I’m okay now. Just… Fuck’s sake, I don’t even know.

Later, I’m going to write a HAPPY post. About music. Yeah.

ARGH! I’m so lethargic, and apathetic towards just about everything. The HELL?!

I… Need cheering up. No, I need SOMETHING. Or someone. Or…

25 thoughts on “Am i Me? What Am I?

  1. Hugs! And eat chocolate if you have any. πŸ™‚ Wish I knew more to tell you. I think sometimes life just plays with us to see what we do. There may be a lesson to learn, maybe not. We’ve all been there or are there.

  2. Hey Elmmm, whatever happens, I’ll be there for you. πŸ™‚ for now, just try to take a power nap. For like, four hours. It’s fine if you don’t do your homework, just for a day, you can catch up later. Just. . . do stuff that distracts you a lot.

  3. First, it’s totally normal to feel like this. I’d be lying if I say I’ve never been in this kind of situation before…but only you will know what to do with it, if you want to do something with it, that is.
    Remember, it’s COMPLETELY okay to feel this way. If you don’t really want to do anything else, you don’t have to. Sometimes our brains just need a shut-down to reboot another time. Take a nap. Or go for a walk. Or hide zone out for a while.
    Or, if you really want to do something (or just don’t want to put up with this crap your brain do to you (our brains can be annoying sometimes…) anymore) try something extra stimulating. I find taking a shower can put me into a good mood. Maybe baking or playing some music? That’s what I find useful for giving extra energy to get back to the original momentum anyway πŸ˜› .
    It’s okay to be either way. Heck, you can even try another if you feel like it! Hope you find this useful. πŸ™‚

    • “hide zone out” ?! Damn you autocorrect.
      Ignore that hide, just ignore it. I don’t even know what I was trying to type out but hide came up insdread. Grrr.

    • I always find your comments useful πŸ™‚ Thank you. I gamed for a while, but I SHOULD be doing homework. I’m still in the ‘I don’t want to, at all and I physically can’t’ mood. Ah well! I think I’ll take your advice.

  4. At the end of the day, its just homework. I used to skip mine all the time and then told my teacher that i forgot my notebook at home. Sometimes, u just need to take a rest. Those thoughts can get into u and annoy u so much. Drawing helps me a lit to overcome bad things…

  5. Think you need a break or a rest! Maybe watch a movie if you’ve got Netflix (it’s awesome) and eat yummy stuff! πŸ™‚ Hope you’ll be feeling better and more energetic and motivated soon!!

  6. I feel you:) I wrote a post like this too and I’ve read many too, so it kind of seems like its normal-ish even though it doesn’t feel like it is. I feel like you, me and many just need to take a breath and find the little things to enjoy and maybe find our motivation again

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