I Think this Emotion Might Stick Around?

It came to me, about an hour ago, that I really think I AM happy.

I don’t know where the thought came from, I don’t think. Or rather, it just came out of nowhere.

I wasn’t happy, before. In fact at some points, I’ve… Okay, I’m not going to say what I was about to say. It’s just downright depressing and not needed.

But you’ve seen my posts. And if you haven’t – there’s a category called Not Very Happy Posts which, well, it’s self-explanatory. Go have a look, and you’ll see what I mean.

But now, I genuinely think I’m happy. Life is… Good.

Then again, something could happen that could blow everything out of the sky. I know everything could set me off into misery AGAIN.

It’s the little things that I think about.

Laughing so hard with Birch in history that I nearly cry.

Smiling like a lunatic when I ask him:

“So, who’re you going to sit next to on the coach to Ypres?”

“I don’t know. All my friends are on the other coach – obviously I know you really well, but I’m talking about people who I’ve known for YEARS.”

“Yeah, I know how you feel. Well, um… If you want to, and there’s no one else, you can sit next to me.”

“Ah yeah, that’d be good.”

SCREAMS. So in conclusion, I MIGHT be sitting next to him on a 6-hour coach journey. Might being the operative word, because we didn’t talk much when the lesson ended to finalise it. And because I’m a moron, I didn’t wait for him before I walked down the stairs, smiling so widely my face nearly broke.

“Ey, Birch?”


“Who ARE your friends in this class?”

“Well, you.”


Getting emails from Hazel.

Just walking and talking and laughing with Odd, when it’s just so comfortable and funny and amazing.

Talking on Skype with Red for hours, knowing people understand me and actually give a crap.

Smiling, all the time, and laughing, and feeling so light.

Sharing an inside joke with Willow – Project France, #Albert, LEONARDO.

Bantering in English and laughing with Wren.

Having this blog, and the friends and community that comes with it, to ALWAYS help me, and cheer me up.


And, you know, I’m trying NOT to think about Ash. It hurts too much. If he talks to me again, it’s unavoidable, but…

I think I can get over him.

I love my friends so much.

I’m happy.

23 thoughts on “I Think this Emotion Might Stick Around?

  1. Yes! You go Elm! I’m so happy fir you right now! You deserve every bit of happiness this world has to give you because you are a fabulous person who is utterly amazing and supportive! You have always been so strong and amazing and I think that Birch will swoon head over not-so-stiletto-heels. I am so glad everything (mostly) is working out for you xx

    • I… Oh my god you’re so amazing, I love you so much, HOW did I manage to know so many wonderful and amazing people? Thank you, thank you, this means the world. I SERIOUSLY hope you’re right! πŸ™‚ Xx

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