Trip to Belgium was canceled. And if you don’t get that, look on previous posts in the Birch situation.
I don’t care any more.
The one chance I had, gone. Fucking GONE. Like that.
I DARED to hope. Nothing ever goes right when I hope for it. Ever. Shouldn’t have expected any different.
People are disappointed because they’ve been looking forward to it all year. But I’m upset because this was my ONE break. From everything. This was the ONE time I could be happy with Birch and have a chance and no I can’t
Because I never have a chance anyway. Ever. No point in thinking otherwise.
Why am I writing this? Never gets me anywhere. It’s just a stupid, pathetic cry for help and that’s all I am.
When I found out I walked out after assembly and this awful girl Daisy was there and she was talking about the fact that it was canceled. I was so upset at that point that I just started swearing – I don’t remember what I said. Something along the lines of “I don’t fucking care any more fuck it I DON’T FUCKING CARE!” Then, she asked me to stop swearing and I snapped, completely, like I never have before at anyone.
I screamed at her to just stop it, stop it, and she yelled “What the FUCK Elm!”
She didn’t get it. Now everyone probably thinks I’m upset – “aww she’s crying because the history trip was canceled!” NO! No, it’s not that. You don’t get it!
Had a panic attack. I couldn’t breathe. I just kept on crying and crying and nearly screaming “I CAN’T BREATHE!” and freaking out and trying to get the tears away and it didn’t work and I always make a scene because I’m such a dramatic bitch.
Friend Pine was there, like she always is, and she said she wouldn’t know what she would do without me. She was so amazing and I think she was panicked but she helped me. I needed her and I was just so awful, and I don’t appreciate her. I just kept crying instead of saying thank you.
It hurts. I never have anything, because of my personality and I act like everything’s always awful and when I want something I become like a psycho and I’m scared
I had English after that. All through the lesson I was scared and shaking. I went to the toilet to calm. Wren was there and she helped me but I acted like a freak again and all I could do was cry and break down and NOTHING, I just feel pathetic.
Wren saw what I did to my hands and she asked me “What have you done?” and I just sobbed and said “I can’t I don’t know” I’m fucking stupid stupid stupid STUPID STUPID.
It wasn’t that bad, just scratches and why am I saying this, now everyone will think I’m a fucking coward stupid twat, and they’re right.
JUST GO AND FUCK YOURSELF
YOU’RE FUCKING Useless no no fuck
I can’t do this.
I can’t do anything I’m overdramatic and it’s awful and people will get tired of my whining and constant breakdowns and they want happy people I’m not happy Birch doesn’t want sadness then he doesn’t want me knew it
I hate everything fuck this. I’m past the breaking point and I have no idea what to do.
I hate posting this. I hate it. I just feel too small and scared and there’s no point to posting this and I sometimes HATE reading these posts so sorry.
This isn’t the end of the world. They’ve postponed it until after the summer.
But now I have nothing to look forward to, and I’m stressed and angry and sad and worthless and I shouldn’t even be posting this because RL people will see but I don’t care any more I don’t care!
I’m not going to do anything stupid but I’m scared I will because I’m too fragile and too upset I shouldn’t even be upset but I am. It’s stupid. It’s only a little thing but for me it’s a massive thing because I THOUGHT things would work. They never did before so why should they now?
Whatever feelings fade over the summer; if he had anything for me it would be gone by September. Deal with it you fucktard