Eh… This isn’t my grand ‘return’.

I need to ask you guys, as my readers and the aliens that crawl across my blog, a question.

(Might take some explanation first)

I read a pitiful amount of blogs today, but it’s a start. I just feel unhappy and panicked. I’m sorry. Looked at my reader and thought, “Oh god, I CAN’T do this, I’ve missed FOUR DAYS! The fuck is wrong with me?”

I feel like I’ve neglected everyone. I haven’t even checked out the blogs I WANTED to check out. I haven’t been checking up on my bloggy friends as much as I should, which is just plain NOT nice. And I have NO excuse. I’ve done fuck all; I don’t even feel like destroying myself like I did on Thursday and Friday; I’m fine. I felt happy yesterday when I went to town with my friends, but now I just feel weird, and empty. But now I’m more okay than I was. So why the hell have I not been reading?

I think I’ve just had enough of, well, everything. I get too panicked and I just think the world is useless sometimes, and when I think about the history test the Tuesday after next I just get UPSET. I don’t know.

But I WANT to post.

I feel guilty, though. I don’t NOT want to read blogs, but I just… Don’t because I have NO energy. That’s not fair. I shouldn’t not read and then write, and expect people to read it, as I haven’t read what THEY wrote.

Does that make sense?

Would it be alright if I posted stuff, without reading, just for a little while? I swear I’ll read more soon. It’s just I have work experience for a week tomorrow and, well, panic and shit like that.

What do you think?

Thanks. I dunno, I just guess I’m very out of sorts. I found a post today that was sad, and I wanted to give advice SO much, but I genuinely couldn’t. Don’t know why. I just feel useless and sick.


Anyway. Advice needed? Though it’s not fair of me to ask that of you, because I haven’t given any to you. That’s why I’m just a little upset/pissed off/unwilling to post.

68 thoughts on “Okay WHAT

  1. Hey, we’ll still be there when you’re feeling better. And I personally want to know that you’re okay, so I’d rather hear how you’re doing than have you read my stuff when you’re not feeling up to it. I really hope things work out for you, and I’m glad to hear you’ve stopped hurting yourself πŸ™‚

  2. It’s okay! You’ve always been one of the bloggers out there (out of those I’ve encountered) that gives the most back to others – you always comment on my posts, I see you everywhere on other people’s – so don’t sweat it. And no one wants reading our blogs to feel like a chore for you – that totally defeats the point! So wait until you want to, and then come back to us. xxxxx

    • No no no – it’s not a chore, don’t worry! πŸ™‚ And thank you. That makes me feel better. Like I said, I just get so guilty because I think “What if I miss an important part of someone’s life?” I physically won’t be able to read back on what I’ve missed, which just panicks me.

      • We don’t mind. We really don’t. Much as we love you reading our posts, we will be okay if you don’t for a bit. There is absolutely no pressure to. Don’t worry (I know it’s a lot easier said than done, though!) xxx

      • Haha you’re right with that! πŸ™‚ But seriously, you’re right. I think it IS the pressure that’s making me panicked.

  3. Do whatever feels right. If you wanna post and not read, fine. If you don’t wanna post, fine. You are the one who knows what’s best for you. There ain’t no use in writing a post just because people want you to. It’s so nice of you to ask your readers but I’d say now’s the time you have to think about you. Get back on track, get your batteries charged and re-enter the world of blogging and reading one step at a time. You might miss a few posts but that’s nothing you can’t catch up.
    There is nothing wrong with you. You just feel exhausted, physically and mentally and that’s ok. That’s even good in a way because your body and mind tell you not to go any further. You can only bend to a certain point before you break and that’s what you should avoid by all means. If that means staying away from your blog for a few days (weeks) then so be it. Good luck for your history test and your work experience. Get well soon. Wish you all the best!

    • Thank you very much πŸ™‚ I guess I’m just so used to not getting help that actually ASKING for help is a novelty for me

      • Asking for help is a good thing and the first step to getting it. And having such a big community around means there’s a lot of help and a lot of seeing things from different perspectives which is good.

  4. Hey πŸ™‚ OK just breathe. BREATHE. It’s alright. Focus on your self for a while, reorganize your thoughts and then when it’s time, hget back to being awesomesauce ok?

    • I’ll try! πŸ™‚ It’s just difficult.
      Wait – I DO follow you, don’t I? If I don’t, I’m going to go and rectify that. Thdkk you for the amazing comment πŸ™‚

      • It’s OK. Happens to the best of us! Just take your time, have some tea, read a book, listen to some music and keep your mind calm. And yes, you DO follow me! πŸ˜€

      • haha you’re welcome! Listen, I’m here, if you ever need anything to talk about alright?

  5. OKAY WELL NOW THAT MY THUMBS ARE NOT SPAZZING. Elm, you just need to do what’s best for yourself! Everyone has times where they don’t feel like doing much, and that’s perfectly okay. What we have to do is just take a deep breath and do what we need to do. If what you need to do is not read blogs for a while, then by all means go ahead! You are so active and I promise no one here will hate you for taking a break. Sure, we will miss you on our posts, but when you come back we will have a huge party!! πŸ˜€

    • OMG really? I miss reading blogs. But it’s made me feel SO stressed of and panicked. And you have no idea how guilty I feel! πŸ™‚ But seriously, thank you. You’re amazing. I need to sake a list of blogs I will DEFINITELY check out periodically.

  6. I don’t know, depends on what kind of blog you want yours to be. There are authors (and writers of all hues), fashion bloggers, celeb gossip bloggers and so on who generally maintain a one way communication. That’s fine as well. The thing is, you define the level of interaction you want, not your readers. But yes, if you don’t read and comment on other blogs, you might see comments on your posts come down as well. A small break isn’t that big a deal, we all take it. There’s a real world out there as well! Maybe I’m not sounding as supportive as other commentors out here, but I’m just giving my honest opinion. I hope you don’t mind! πŸ™‚

    • Why WOULD I mind? The honest opinion is the opinion I want, and I’m so glad you gave it. But you’re right πŸ™‚ The thing here is I just feel so guilty when I DON’T read people’s blogs, because I care about them like hell. I think I DO need a short break. My comment count doesn’t REALLY matter to me; it’s more that I want to help people, as horrifically nice and fluffy and kind that sounds.

  7. You have no reason to feel guilty. My guess is that a lot of us who are on here and struggling with depression and anxiety haven chosen to blog ultimately as a way to channel our inner turmoil and get our feelings out and make them tangible somehow, whether anyone is reading or not. For me at least, I feel like there is constantly so much going on in my head and if I don’t find a way to release it it just becomes even more overwhelming and distorted and debilitating. Writing is a mode for that release and a way to turn it into something creative that, maybe sometimes, we can even feel proud of. Reading relatable thoughts and feelings from other bloggers is certainly comforting because it reminds you that you are not as alone in your pain as you feel that you, and following and commenting is a really compassionate way to show support in return, when you can. Even though we are all more or less strangers to each other, there is a familiarity in the pain that we share and we can empathize, and we care. We want each other to feel better. We want each other to find happiness. We want you to find happiness — even if it’s just a little bit at a time. In order to get to that place, you need to be able to make yourself your priority, and doing things that make you smile or laugh your priority. So if that means taking a break, you owe it to yourself to do that. It’s a really wonderful thing to want to be there for everyone and it shows how much love and understanding you really do have inside you, but it’s okay to be there for yourself too. Think of it this way; We can’t truly have the strength to support each other if we don’t take the time to nurture and fortify ourselves too, otherwise we’d all collapse on each other. Anyway, hope that helps. (I accidentally followed you from my old blog account a few days ago, meant to follow you from this one.)

    • This honestly means so much to me. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much. You’re right – it’s just difficult to remember when I feel so guilty for ‘neglecting’ everyone. Though then again, if I’m not happy, I can’t give the best advice I can. Or rather, if I’m not mentally okay.
      But this comment honestly means the world. You are an amazing human being, and you should know that.

  8. I think you need to look after yourself more than you need to read blogs. I doubt anybody minds because I know that we all want what is best for you! I sound like my parents great! Anyway just do what you feel like doing and you can always catch up when you feel up to it. Just mind yourself !

    • Thank you so much! πŸ™‚ I’ll try to do that, as best I can πŸ™‚ You’ve always been there for me, and thank you for that.

      • No Problem and you have also been here for me ! I hope you will be feeling good soon!

  9. Considering I write every day and only read things every week or so, I don’t think there’s any harm in writing more than you’re reading. We’re all narcissists here after all – we signed up to this site to have our things read by other people, not to read other people’s things. Otherwise we’d stick to silently trawling through newspapers.

    And if it turns out that I’m indeed a horrible, self-centred person who doesn’t deserve the readers that he has and you follow my example, we can be horrible people together πŸ™‚

  10. Elm feel free to write anything you want and not read anything! ❀ If you feel like blogging, don't let anything or anyone stop you. I (and I think others will feel this way as well) just want you to feel better!

    • Thank you so much! πŸ™‚ Your comments really do cheer me up. I just had a moment where I felt SO guilty, like I shouldn’t write if I don’t read. It’s like this: I FEEL like I have to read, because I want to help people. If I write, WITHOUT reading, I’m not helping people as much as I could be. Does that make ANY sense? πŸ˜€

  11. Elm it’s definately fine for you to post and not read for a while cause you do so much all the time that you can take a break to sort yourself out with whatever it is thats making you feel off with everything. Im literate i swear…

  12. Elm if you feel like posting then you should post! It’s your blog and you can do whatever, and we’ll totally understand if you don’t read for a while. You’re already under a lot of personal stress and if reading blogs adds to that stress, it’s not a good thing and we don’t want you to feel worse. Like so many others, I hope you feel better soon. ❀

  13. You have no reason to feel guilty at all. You aren’t forced into reading people’s blogs nor are you forced into writing them constantly. Everyone deserves a break. Also you are not worthless at all. When you have time and if you want to we can talk. I just want to know that you are going to be all right. Stay strong πŸ™‚

  14. I regularly go through periods when I’m just not in the mood to read – books, blogs, anything. Don’t worry about it! There’s nowhere near as much actual pressure to read as you put on yourself, so just try and remember that. You don’t have to singlehandedly hold up the blogging community, and we’ll love you whether you do or don’t!

  15. Hey there Elm!
    Don’t force yourself now. Take the time to breathe first and clear your mind. Really, if you keep pushing yourself to read blogs or to write a new post, the pressure will just build up and you’ll be all the more frustrated with yourself. Take it easy, dear. Us aliens who crawl across your blog are willing to wait for you when you’re ready πŸ™‚

  16. You’re one of the most loyal bloggers I have come across, you posted a comment for advice about contributing to class without putting my hand up that really helped me I thank you a lot. Focus on yourself and do what you want to do. Your readers me included want what is best for you ! πŸ™‚ We know you care about us whether you read our posts or not because the way you present and communicate to us through your posts πŸ™‚

    • Thank you so, so much πŸ™‚ Honestly, that means the world. I do care about all my readers, so much, and I’m glad that comes across. I’m also glad that comment helped you πŸ™‚ Thank you again.

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