Posting twice in a row like this makes me feel weird.
So. I got thoughtful today, and that’s never a good sign.
One of my friends has a girlfriend (since about 10:30 this morning). I won’t say which one, because she might not want people to know (NO one from Rl who doesn’t already know reads this but whatever).
I’m extremely happy for them (HOW COULD I NOT BE?) but it got me thinking about my relationship, or lack of.
I have History tomorrow, with Birch. If you don’t know who HE is, he’s the guy with whom I am enamoured. Yes, I like proper grammar.
I’ve had enough.
Tomorrow is the last day. I won’t see him for six weeks.
I’m going to make the most of the hour we have. It’s extremely difficult for me to meet up with people in the holidays for various reasons (blindness, unindependence, living so far away from everyone) so that’s all I can do.
I don’t care any more. Who cares if I get hurt? I want him to know. I want to savour what I HAVE and hold onto that. It’s what I SHOULD do, anyway; I need to live a little.
Perhaps I’m feeling suffocated now; I’m not sure. All I know is that I’ve just had enough of doing NOTHING.
For those of you wondering – yes, there will be banter. By banter, I mean…. What might be construed as ‘flirting’ if you are ANYONE who is not me. Yup. I feel like such a… I don’t even know.
But I need your advice. Should I do this? Should I just let go, for an hour?
CRAP! What if he’s not there? Literally what if he’s not there? What if something else goes wrong?
If he’s not in History tomorrow, I’m telling him how I feel.
Oh god. I’m going to have to hold myself to that, aren’t I?
I’m scared; just a little. Please help? This has turned into an Elm-freaks-out-completely moment.
THANK YOU! 🙂