I don’t really know how to write this post, mainly because what I’m trying to say is all scrambled up in my head.
I’m reading Girl Online. It’s a great book – I love the storyline – but…
Alright. When the topic of her blog comes up, I get jealous. It’s wrong, I know, and unreasonable, but I can’t help it.
The fictional character has over 5000 followers. I’ve got 430. 430, for me, is a massive number – it far exceeds what I THOUGHT I’d get – and I’m so grateful.
But when I read the posts she’s written, I feel… Weird. Like I’m not good enough.
She writes so well. I know I don’t. But she’s so similar to me, and it’s so confusing.
Is that okay?
Sometimes I feel, about this blog, that I’m not good enough: not engaging enough, not nice enough, that I don’t involve you guys enough, that… You know? These thoughts just pile on.
I was talking to Aiden about this – I think yesterday and the day before – and it helped a lot, but still I just feel inadequate. (I found the right word!)
So I want to know the truth:
What do you think when you read my posts? How do you FEEL? What do you think about me, as a blogger – as a person?
Everyone has been so supportive, with EVERYTHING – my love life, my problems, the things I’ve been through – that it’s overwhelming.
I don’t want people to be scared of me because of my follower count, or to look down on me because I had less followers. The follower count is just a number, after all, and EVERY single post is as valid as any other, and that goes for every single blog, too.
When I read your posts, I feel happy, or worried, or I give advice because that’s only fair.
I just STILL feel inadequate, like something’s missing.
Thanks for reading!
From Elm 🙂