… I’m terrible. I know I am. I’ve only done ONE TTTS PROJECT POST UGH PLEASE DON’T KILL ME! I don’t even have a bloody excuse…
So, for week 7, we had to write a letter either to our preteen or future selves – and I’m doing both, because I’m living on the edge like that. Here we go.
I don’t know how old you are right now – I’d guess 11. And if I’m right, please listen to me.
You’ve got some difficult years ahead, but when things happen, don’t regret any of it. You’ll learn from your experiences.
Elm, I know it’s difficult now. Something’s recently just happened, or is going to happen soon, that will fuck you over – get used to the language. You say worse.
That’s what I want to talk about now. No matter what, it’s okay. You might not know what happened, or what’s going to happen fully, but I know you had a pretty good idea. There’s just one thing: if you can help it, don’t tell too many people. I told too many, and that’s the ONLY thing I regret.
It’s so difficult. Even now, I find it difficult, but it’s okay. Nothing about it is your fault – in fact, don’t blame yourself for anything. Nothing is ENTIRELY your fault.
You’re strong. I know it was difficult to find friends in primary school, but it gets easier. It gets SO much easier, and you should have realised that. Realise it now, instead of trying to fit in; people love you for who you are.
Three years or so from now, you’re going to fall in love. It sounds strange, right? But you will have the happiest and worst moments of your life because of that boy; don’t change a thing. Let it run it’s course. You’ll be hurt, but it gets better. I promise.
Speaking of, loving anyone is okay. You’ll go through some pretty stupid “crushes”, I can guarantee that. But seriously, just be yourself. I can’t stress that enough.
It’s going to be difficult, but you have so many friends now. It gets better; I just wish you knew that. I’d never change a thing, so please don’t wish you could.
Stay strong for everyone, okay? Right now, they need you. Usually, I’d tell you to look after yourself, but you can do that once this is over. Never forget that.
There’s so much more I’d like to say, about how you can be amazing. You’ll only keep one solid friend from primary – I know you’d be glad to hear that. I wish that it was two, but you can’t change the past; who knows, maybe you’ll see him again.
Always be yourself. Your dad and sister – and hell, even your mum – love you. They always have.
It’s difficult now, and it’s difficult in the future, but it gets worse before it gets better.
Love from you
* * *
I don’t know how old you are now. 20? 25? Does it even matter?
You’ll look back on this and think, “God, I’m immature.” Or “What was I thinking?”
Or I bloody well hope you won’t. Are you serious? We worked so damn hard on this blog and this life.
Is Ash still around? I’d laugh if he was. You know how paralysed with fear we’d get at the thought of him talking to us again. It’s difficult, right? I know, right now, that there are still things left unsaid – knowing him, he’ll say them.
Did you ever reconcile with Palm? Oh, what happened with S – do you even REMEMBER S? And Palm, too; it was only a 2 week relationship, but things stick in your mind like that.
I wonder what we’re like now. I dread to think. If you’ve got married already, I’ll kick you. Joking – or am I? Did you go to uni? Did you ever meet up with Cassia again? If you didn’t, I’ll kick you, and I mean that.
I have questions for the future, and advice for the past. It’s weird, isn’t it?
Do you still love singing, and songwriting? Bloody hell, I hope you’ve at least got 10 or 15 more songs done by now. Knowing you, you won’t, but there you go.
If I read this letter in 10 years, I’ll laugh. Or will you, maybe?
What name do you go by now? Do you even GO on the internet any more? For blogging, I mean; if you’ve abandoned this, I swear to anything I believe in (which is nothing) that I willhit you.
Love from your younger, 15-year-old, irritating-as-hell self.
I prefer the first letter, but the second letter is genuinely how I’d talk to myself.
You’ve probably noticed that in the first letter, I talk about an event that happened when I was 11. That’s… Very complicated and I really don’t want to get into it right now. Perhaps one day, I’ll talk about it, but it’s difficult. I just wanted to say that because you may ask questions.
Merci for reading!
From Elm 🙂