TWO YEARS?! Bloody Hell

So, whilst I was at a festival – the Mela festival because I’m that precise – I realised it was exactly 2 years to the day since Maple, my second boyfriend, broke up with me. (His name’s not Maple, but trees).

Some context: Maple was the best friend of Pine, who’s one of my best friends; we’d known each other for two and a half years before we went out. We went to the Isle of Wight on a school residential and on the day before we went home, he asked me out. I said yes the next day. We went out for… Wait, 19 July to 6 September, so about a month and a half.

He broke up with me because he was gay, on the first day of school. I had no issue with that at the time – well I DID, but not because he was gay; I was just upset because I liked him. The thing that made me the most angry was the fact that he left our group straight after – abandoned us – and Pine, after 10 years of friendship. I understand why now, but at the time, I didn’t and it more or less fucked me up.

He and I are friends now – after about 7 months I grew up and, though we had arguments, I apologised and hoped he would forgive me, which he did. I was a right bitch.

I’m just shocked it’s been 2 years. I’ve grown so much since then.

At the time, I thought I’d never be able to get over him. I DID, though. This happened again with Ash, where I thought I could never move on. I still haven’t moved on totally, to tell you the truth, but I’m getting there.

The point is, I’m shocked at how much I’ve grown as a person.

I think it was Maple leaving our friendship group that really started my abandonment issues. As in, they’re rather bad: Ash would know, and so would Odd and Pine and Wren. And, er, Willow, but Ash would know the most.

And that’s why, right now, I’m being totally fucked up by the recent departure of a friend from the group. Argh. Let’s not get into that.

It’s a weird day for me. I look back and get Ash memories left, right and centre, but also memories from other people. It’s not TOO bad; I’ll definitely cope.

How have any of you grown, as people?

From Elm πŸ™‚

20 thoughts on “TWO YEARS?! Bloody Hell

  1. I know what you mean – a lot of stuff happened to me last year and it hurt like hell, but it’s really helped me to grow as a person. I know now that I shouldn’t trust everyone, and that I really have to work hard for the things I want :3 great post as always x

  2. I am now someone who can tell you my honest opinion and feel I’ve done my part as a friend. I used to go along with what everyone else said and now I finally have the courage to speak my mind, which is so freeing! I know how you feel about people leaving a lot though, it’s so hard to cope with sometimes, other times though it’s a blessing. It can help you find you need and want to be.. I hope you don’t have many more people leave you, it just means they lost you, not the other way around πŸ™‚ x

    • Y’pc so great, and that really encouraged me πŸ™‚ Thank you. It’s just difficult when people DO leave, like you said.
      I’m so glad you have the courage now, because I couldn’t imagine you without it.

  3. This reminds me of the guy I mentioned yesterday! I had finally realized how much I had grown and changed and how I was actually over him, when it was two years later and I realized a little too late that it was the day that we had fallen apart on (I am going to call it that because I don’t know what else to call it). It is so nice to look back on things and see how much you haven grown and changed as a person! Eventually you will realize that with Ash too! You will start having memories flood your brain less and less until one day, you realize that you are over him completely and those days are always great!

  4. where was the mela fest? I went to one with my family and relatives, as i am bengali ( but, born here and can’t speak the language or know any traditions!:)) , but loads of south east asian people do those too. It’s good that you are moving on, sometimes I don’t like to move on, but I always somehow do!!
    have fun at your school!!

  5. I’ve grown tons since sixth grade, basically went on a mini self discovery. But now I’m just dormant as far as interesting life stats goes. Though you do seem to have grown a lot, and in a good way. Congrats Elm.

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