I love with my heart

Just to let you know, I’m still in self-loathing mode and I feel too weak to write, but writing does help. I’m not going to dwell over the past week, but instead I have something I wrote and I hope you like it.

When I love, I love with everything I have.

My heart beats fast and I’m hyper-aware of everything: every conversation, every stolen moment of feeling happy, every silence that holds a thousand words.

When I fall in love, I feel my heart shattering and stitching back together constantly, in a rhythm that’s as familiar to me as the lines on the palm of my hand.

When I love someone, I’d do anything for them: I’d run miles; I’d forgive them for hurting me over and over again; I’d continue to feel loyalty to them even when they hate me. I’d never be able to truly hate them, and I’d set aside time for them whenever, even if that means being an awful person to everyone else – which is awful, but it’s how I was and might be. I’d always be affected by them, whether in a good or bad way.

When I fall in love, I treasure every moment and lock it away, even if it might hurt me later. My heart beats with those memories, and I would never betray them intentionally.

When I’ve loved someone, even if guilt creepsup on me, I had those feelings.

I’ve only ever loved one person – truly, truly fallen in love with them. There has only been one person who I’ve held that emotion for, where I’ve honestly been shaken by the force of it; my mind’s only been devoted to that one person and I’ve never had anything like it before or since.

Even for that, I know how I am when I fall in love, and it’s not all bad.

From Elm πŸ™‚

PS: I’m so damn sorry I haven’t accepted any awards or read many posts. I just feel so bloody drained 😦

23 thoughts on “I love with my heart

  1. And it’s okay to feel drained, it really is. Rest it out, take all the time that you need. I can’t wait till you start getting your energy and confidence back up because you are such an amazing person πŸ™‚ XO

  2. Its okay to feel like this! Take as much time as it need to feel yourself again! You are an amazing person always remember that!

  3. 1. How many times can I say – you are a fantabulous writer! πŸ™‚
    2. It’s cool to feel drained sometimes, you can take your time.
    3. You don’t have to accept awards! You can just say thanks but no thanks and we’ll understand.
    4. You don’t have to read a hundred posts a day, either. It’s up to you, and like you said, you’re feeling drained and that’s okay.

  4. I am sure a lot of readers of your relate to me when I say that every time you say sorry, it breaks my heart a little 😦 You’re too sweet to even say that to me. -Hugs-

  5. loving hard is not a bad thing , I feel like that just compliments the amazing person you really are . I mean having making my day countless times when you didn’t really know me is really amazing . you’re loving , caring and an amzing soul. And plus you don’t always have to read posts . don’t force it becuase I think you’re start dreading it . feel better πŸ™‚ lot of hugs sent your way

  6. It will get better, Elm, it will. And I find it absolutely amazing when someone loves so hard, it is both a blessing and a curse. But for me, it’s more of a blessing. Feel good soon! ❀
    PS: We are REALLY, REALLY, REALLY similar in the way we love, too. Wow. :O

  7. It’s amazing to be in love with someone. I don’t know if I am or not- do you just know when you’re in love?
    Anyway, I love your blog! I just came across it a couple hours ago and you seem like a really lovely person so I’ve followed you. See you around!
    ~ The Ambivert

    • Oh, thank you SO SO much!
      I’d say, you do just know. It’s not a feeling you can put a finger on, and for me, there wasn’t a moment when I realised I was in love with that person – it just happened over time. If you truly think you’re in love, then you probably are πŸ™‚

  8. Elm, I hope you don’t feel like this for very long because you may not realize this right now, but you don’t deserve to feel like this. We all make mistakes and we all do things we regret. It doesn’t mean our sins will be forgiven automatically, because we still committed them, but eventually they won’t matter. This will take time, but you’ll get there and you’ll have people helping you along the way. Wow. Sorry for the lecture. I sincerely hope you feel better.
    -Nikki πŸ™‚

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