But instead, I’m sitting here thinking about… I don’t even know.
I read over some of my old posts today. Perhaps that wasn’t the smartest idea – but do you ever get that nostalgic feeling? Where you know something will hurt you, but you want to remember?
I want to remember things. EVERYTHING. The pain I felt over Ash, the shock over my breakup with Palm, the agony I felt over Birch. In the wake of a fantastic day, I got hit with about a million insecurities at once, but that’s over now. That’s not why I’m writing this post.
I never have regrets – I think I said that at some point in an old post. But what I do is think: I think about what could have been. I think about what I’ve missed, what I’m missing and what I WILL miss. It’s cripling and unsettling and I hate it, but it’s me.
I worry. I’ll be honest, I worry too much, but it’s just something that is. Work, friends, school, blogging, love, the fact that my mother thinks it’s normal for me to stay at hers – I even worry about worrying, sometimes.
Looking back over my old posts, I’m a little horrified. Just look in the category called Not Very Happy Posts, and you’ll find everything you need. Go about to the second page of posts, and you’ll see what I mean. It’s messy and unpleasant, but it’s me, and I won’t hide it. (Warnings in advance if you get triggered)
I think the point of this post was just to say that I’m in a brewding mood. I have a huge revellation to make tomorrow – I think it’s good; you decide. I won’t give too much away.
I haven’t been blogging long, but I’ve built a place for myself here. There’re my tears, my happiness, my pain, my cries for help – also of it.
I’m proud of it.
And also a little sad.
From Elm 🙂