Yeah, so this is a LONG, LONG overdue post – sorry for saying I was going to post this about a million times before I actually did.
Alright, guys. Brace yourselves. And prepare to roll your eyes and sigh, or whatever you do when you realise the Elm’s done it again.
I, err, have a boyfriend.
Remember Aspen? If not, read every single post from this category because I’m a lazy twat and yeah…
I’m nervous of your reactions, not that I should be. You’ve seen me through it all – a lot of you have – remember Ash, Birch and Palm? Har har.
In one of my previous posts, I said “I’m not in love with Aspen. Yet.”
Ohhh, Elm, you’re SUCH a liar. Is it possible for feelings to grow this quickly? I think yes, though it’s difficult NOT to second guess myself.
It was actually quite a funny story as to how this came about – and I know it’s sudden, and will come as a shock to some of you, because my signature rushing-into-relationships always ends badly. But I HOPE this is different. You get people who you just know aren’t complete bastards and who WON’T hurt you, because it’s literally not in their nature.
So, he was in Iceland (this was a week and a half ago), and me being a clingy so-and-so, messaged him a lot. And at one point we were talking, and I said “I love talking to you.” And in what we now call the typo of the century, he said “I love you,” and things escalated from there. I said I fancied him, we talked it out, then at about 1 o’clock at night (morning?) we understood we both returned each other’s feelings. And when I say we talked it out, I do mean that; you guys know I’m the type of person to get horrendous insecurities and paranoia.
AND OH MY GOD, the feeling I got then was… Insane. I just don’t know how to describe it. Relief and the feeling you get after the most intense rush of fear has been quelled. Do you get what I’m saying – even I don’t!
I met up with him on Wednesday (a week ago today holy shit) and the Monday that just passed. We met on the internet, but something so amazing – in real life – grew out of that. It’s not awkward and it’s not painful and I don’t have to constantly think of my insecurities. Once, I said that this wasn’t just a faraway dream and I was right.
I can’t help that I’m happy. I won’t say I deserve this after the shit I’ve been through, because that’s pretentious and just no. But what I will say is that I’m glad this has happened.
We haven’t known each other long, but we know each other enough. We’re so comfortable around each other and you know what? These feelings are just as valid as the ones I had for Ash, and can grow to be even more so.
Okay guys, do I show him my blog? I’m scared if I do, but there are just some things he won’t understand about me if I don’t, unless I tell him, but I can’t lie to him. But I’m scared, because…
Some of the posts on here are really horrible. As in scary and messed-up – I’m guessing you know which ones I mean – look up “I’m Facing Up to It”, and “I’ve Snapped”. Do I trust him enough? Yes. But I’m just scared: what if he doesn’t take it seriously? What if he laughs? What if…
Fuck’s sake, what am I saying? We’re talking about HIM here!
Thanks, everyone, for supporting me through it all. I’ve been messed-up over the time I’ve made this blog, but it’s the people on here that have got me through it.
SO, that was the Announcement! I probably made it out to be worse than it was, but there you go. I’m scared of things going wrong, as I always am, but it’s okay. I sometimes think things are moving too fast, but again, I’m me and I know what my limits are and what emotional things I can handle.
I couldn’t lie to you guys. You’re the thing that keeps me holding on sometimes; I’ve been miserable occasionally and your comments make my day. You have no idea how much that means to me, and so, I won’t hide it. I consider you my friends, anyway.
Thank you again; you are truly amazing. And Aspen, if you’re reading this, thanks for putting up with me and trusting me and being wonderful. I love you.
From Elm 🙂