I’m Sorry that I Think They’re Human

I’m so angry right now that I could hit something, but I won’t. And yeah, I’m writing this in school, but I need to get it out.

There is a girl in my form. Let’s call her B. I’ll give some background info here.

I have NEVER liked B. I thought – and still sometimes do think – that she’s rude, irritating, and appreciates no one. The teachers “pick on her” for it – oh SORRY, I meant they tell her off for rule-breaking because some people don’t conform.

B and I have had arguments in the past. But today, I decided I was going to set that shit aside. She sat next to me – the other seats were all taken – and the teacher was telling her off for being insolent/rude/whatever, like she always is (because it’s true, she is, but for God’s sake let me get to that ARGH!).

When you hear someone getting picked on, right next to you, it makes you feel awful. Even though they MIGHT deserve it, you STILL want to stick up for them. This is how our conversation went, starting with me, then B etc.

“Why do they always pick on you?”

“I don’t know. Not like I’ve done anything.”

“Yeah, exactly. You don’t do anything wrong.”

“Yeah, exactly!”

“I just think it’s unfair. Why do some people always get picked on just cause they have a reputation?”

“Yeah, my reputation isn’t all that bad.”

Yep. And you know what? I’m PROUD of myself for talking to her, because I used to be so terrified about talking to people that didn’t like me/who I didn’t know. I wanted to show her that some people didn’t just think of her as some rule-breaking rebellious bitch.

Oh wait, sorry. I got in trouble.

I get how it could be construed as rude. I UNDERSTAND that. The teacher said something like this to me, at the end of the lesson, and it was broken up by me going “Yeah,” “Hmm,” “I understand.”

“Elm, I really don’t appreciate you saying that I was “picking on her”. You say you were trying to help but I don’t think I quite believe that, from what B told me earlier. Some people don’t conform – some people get into trouble – and they have to be told off. I know you never get into trouble, apart from once in form…”

Yes, Miss. I understand. I understand that you don’t appreciate it and that B might have gone behind my back. I UNDERSTAND that it was rude and that maybe I shouldn’t have stuck up for someone who has a habit of breaking rules and chatting back to teachers, but YOU KNOW WHAT?

I can’t believe I got in trouble for doing something nice. I’m actually furious, because I was attempting to help B. Perhaps it didn’t work, but I wanted her to know I thought it was unfair, because it IS. Yeah, some kids may deserve it, but I have NO idea what B goes through every day. The teacher doesn’t. And sometimes, I want to tell people it’s unfair.

Now, I’m going to have a reputation for sticking up for the rulebreakers. For being rude to teachers and siding with students who don’t conform to our school’s. stupid expectations. I don’t care, though. I said in one of my previous posts that I was going to talk to people I wouldn’t usually talk to and be nice, and this is just the first step. Maybe B didn’t appreciate it, but no matter.

Pine helped me out a lot. I was crying after I got out of the form room and I missed 20 minutes of chemistry, but I was and still AM so angry that I can’t think. I don’t want to keep my head down and put up with this shit. People might not care, but I’m so done with hearing people get picked on. I just snapped earlier and felt angry at it all, because we have NO idea what people. go through.

I’m still angry I got in trouble, for the simple fact that the ONE TIME I want to do something nice for someone I NEVER talk to and actively avoid, I get called out for it. I’m not trying to be the victim in the situation; I’m trying to prove to people that kindness costs nothing, even if being “kind” is acting in a way that someone MIGHT find rude.

This has just shown me that my reputation for being a so-called ‘good’ student is about to flip upside down, at least in that teacher’s eyes. Another teacher – my physics teacher – saw me crying but I’m okay with that because she understands.

Sorry, Miss, if I treat people like they’re human. Sorry if I’m concerned. Sorry if I want to make sure people are okay, even if they do stupid things and are rude and horrible.

I may have been “reckless” today, but I don’t care. I may have come across as a rude bitch to my teacher, but I don’t care about that either. I hope that I’ve managed to make B a little happier – and if not HAPPY, then I hope she knows that I actually care. I respect her a little more.

Thanks for reading. I really think that everyone should take one little moment out of their day just to check if someone’s alright; I know it’s patronising of me to say that, but just go for it. See where it takes you, even if you DO get in a bit of trouble.

From Elm 🙂

25 thoughts on “I’m Sorry that I Think They’re Human

  1. You’re right, Elm. We should go out of our way to help someone out, to make someone feel better even if it causes us discomfort. And your anger is correct in its place. Just let that steam out. And keep being nice to people, like you always do:)

  2. You were right to try and make her feel better. At least she probably appreciates it even if your teacher couldn’t see that you were trying to be nice 🙂

  3. That was a nice thing to do, and I wouldn’t worry about being told off. I’m sure your teacher won’t have completely changed her opinion of you from this one little thing, and from the conversation you described it doesn’t sound like she was that annoyed with you anyway. I guess she just wanted to let you know that it’s difficult for her if people undermine her authority; I wouldn’t be too hard on her. Just keep being lovely, las usual. X

  4. I respect you for doing what you did. And I admire it. The teachers probably don’t understand it from your – or our – point of view, but just because someone has a bad reputation, it doesn’t mean they’re all that bad. And thanks to you for seeing through that. Maybe you helped B more than you thought.

  5. Jesus, what a bitch of a teacher. To be honest, the teachers at that school don’t understand why we do what we do; they care about grades, not our minds. I’m proud of you for sticking up for her- and honestly? What’s it matter if you gain a bit of a reputation around the teachers. As long as you’re happy and you’re making others feel better, then they can shove their old ideas up where the sun don’t shine.

  6. The best people stick up for what’s right. I think that the teacher was a bit harsh for not accepting your point of view. Towards the middle-end of last year I spoke to someone who I hated and told him that I didn’t like him. He was nicer to me from then (and even offered me drugs and an e-cig) and we talk quite a lot now.

  7. Well you’re amazing for trying to help her out, and I reckon that teacher was wrong to get you in trouble. But either way you probably brightened her day and that’s the best thing.

  8. Who needs reputations? You just have to remember that to the people who really matter, those won’t matter in the least and they’ll love/like (let’s not get too chummy with the girl next door or whoever, eh?) you just as much. I hope you made that girl’s day, Elm. I really hope you did. Because you deserve to at least have made her happy.

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