This post is dedicated to the amazing Odd who will totally understand what I’m about to write, because they’re a massive part of it.
Over breakfast this morning – I was ill so couldn’t go to school – I realised that it’s just nearing 3 and a half years since I started roleplaying, and a year since I stopped. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, have a look at this post.
Actually, it was more like me remembering someone I used to be friends with there, and missing them so terribly, so suddenly, and then the nostalgia hit. The memories came on in waves. I’m going to talk about her now.
I was 12 when I first met her, and she was 16, which makes her almost 20 now. That scares me so much, because she was nearly my age now when I first knew her, but the age, to us, didn’t matter. Someone who’s 12 being friends with someone who’s 16 didn’t seem so out of reach as someone who’s 15 being friends with someone who’s 19. It doesn’t EMBARRASS me, but I don’t often talk about her because it almost seems silly, which it shouldn’t.
I knew her as Claudia, because that’s the character she played – a 2-year-old genius who saw me through my first, shitty character who I hated, to my second and favourite character. I remember those days where I’d log on and she’d be there, and we’d organise a place to RP and flesh out the story we’d already created, navigating our way through our stupid mistakes and my previous controlling tendancies which she, unknowingly, helped to get rid of. I never had contact with her outside the game mail, like I did the others, but at the time, it didn’t matter.
Her real name is Blake, and I remember trying to find her once, about half a year after I left the site for the first time. I DID find her, somehow (I have no idea how) but I couldn’t get in contact with her. I’m not going to try and find her again, because it would be pointless, and the past is the past. It made me so sad to realise that earlier that I almost felt like crying, but it’s the truth.
I haven’t talked to her in what must be 1 and a half years, or maybe more. There was a time where I left, and she left, and when I came back she wasn’t there. Three months later, I saw her name and nearly stopped breathing.
We’d both changed, but we still knew each other. We still fell back into the routine, even though our characters had changed.
It makes me so sad, now, but I’m just so happy I had that. Roleplaying, back then, was where I was accepted for being me; it’s where my writing developed so much and I wish I’d carried on with it. It was honestly the best feeling ever – creating characters, letting them grow, making friends along the way.
I remember them all now, all of them who I haven’t talked to in so long, and they were all so different from me – in age, in personality. You have Star, who must be 20 or 21 by now; Valerie, who I think is 28 or 29; Chalk, who’s… 19? All of these people I miss, in some way, because they helped me grow.
When I was 12 to when I was 14, I was so immature. I did stupid things, but RPing was something that brought me back to reality, which is ironic almost. It seems ‘sad’, maybe, cause I was shut in my room on the Internet, but writing was and is something I have a huge passion for. I was a different person back then – it’s weird, considering that. NONE of the stuff with Ash had happened, or blogging.
I wonder where Claudia is now? When she was 16, she went to a school for the blind; she graduated when she was 18. I hope she’s okay. I hope they’re all alright, even if I doubt I made an impression on their lives. Maybe my characters did, but that means the same to me. To them I was Sam, or Leya.
I can’t decide which was best: the old days – the VERY old days with Claudia, or the days with Odd. Probably the latter though I miss the former, because I got close with Odd then as our characters grew. So thanks for that, you amazing person. I miss those days.
Sorry for the rambling post. I just miss it, you know? I had such good friendships then, even though I made so many mistakes in real life.
What do you miss?
From Elm 🙂