I don’t Exactly Believe Her, but Ah Well

So, there’s this girl in my friendship group and I don’t often talk to her, but I’ve known her for years. She’s friends with my friends Holly and Fern and today, she called me a nice person.

I was sitting on a bench, eating (as you casually do) and she came and sat next to me. Just some context: we TALK, but not often; I find her nice and funny but we’re in no way close.

Except today, I think we got that bit closer. She told me about how she used to feel left out when talking to Holly and Fern, who are really good friends and always have been. How, when they split friends for a time, she told them both how she felt and they promised not to do it again if they were ever friends, and how they didn’t keep that promise and that they make her feel left out again. How she stands next to them and they’re talking and she says she feels left out, and they apologise but go back to their conversation.

This is what happens, isn’t it? You accidentally shut out a member of the group and it’s so sad. I have a problem: Fern and I are very close, I’d say, and I’ve been through so much with Holly that I trust her. So, I can’t ‘take sides’, but I listened to this girl and tried to help her as much as possible. For sixth form, she’s going to a college near Wales and won’t be here next year, and so she’s leaving everyone behind and doesn’t want her last year to be like this, where she says she’s treated like shit all the time and shut out.

And, well, I felt terrible. Without realising, I didn’t talk to her much either. I know what it’s like to sit by yourself and feel so so shit and like every single person couldn’t be fucked to talk to you and it’s horrible. I said as much, that I knew where she was coming from, and that I was always here when she needed to talk. My ‘inner Elm’ came out, which doesn’t often happen with people I don’t know that well, but I felt horrendous for her even if I wondered WHY she was telling ME. Me, the girl who sticks to her little group – but no matter; she told me anyway and I’m glad she trusted me.

I gave her a hug and talked things through with her, interspersed with bouts of humour from the others around us. I said, again, that if she EVER needed to rant or talk, I was here. I said she should talk to Fern and Holly and let them know how she felt, AGAIN. It’s tricky for her and I just wanted to help. All of this makes me sound arrogant.

It was then that she called me a nice person. “You’re such a great person, Elm! Thank you so much.”

I’m confused.

Why thank me? It’s what I’m here for, really. I don’t NEED to be thanked – to be honest, I am scared I’ll just forget about her and her problems, which makes me a BAD person. I don’t know what I was trying to do but at the time, I didn’t feel nice. I just felt sneaky and bad for not talking to her when I SHOULD have, because her being lonely has never even crossed my mind. That’s bad, right?

And, well, what if I’m just a fake? I don’t think I’m THAT nice, if at all. I STILL have massive self-loathing issues, but there you go. It can’t exactly be helped.

Guys, if you ever see someone in your group who you might overlook or who seems a little lonely, have a chat to them. Just something simple, maybe. It’ll help them, and you, cause it makes YOU feel more positive and god knows we need that sometimes.

From Elm πŸ™‚

43 thoughts on “I don’t Exactly Believe Her, but Ah Well

  1. it doesn’t make you arrogant , it makes you humble how you’re not willing to take credit for such a wonderful act. I get what you’re trying to say about people needing to be nice i general but it was really nice for you to hear her side without choosing your friends side right away πŸ™‚

  2. I know it must be hard to you to believe this since you don’t have such a good opinion about yourself, but it’s the goodnes in you that appealed to her. She obviously thought you are a kind and humble person, so she came to you! And you not shutting her out like her other “friends” did, it’s just a proof that you are indeed as she said, “a nice person”. So there, if you are ever looking for proof that you are good and worth it, just take a look at your actions. πŸ™‚ And about you ignoring her in the past, I’m sure you didn’t treat her bad on purpose or anything, but it’s not like everyone you know should also be your friend. So don’t worry, it’s the good in you that she’ll remember. (Omg this is so long sorry πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚)

    • No no, it’s LOVELY! Thank you so so much! Your words mean the world to me. I REALLY hope you’re right, because I wanted to help her so much.

  3. Elm, you are a nice person! It’s lovely what’ve you done but your probally right to not take sides as that could cause problems with the friends your close with. And that doesn’t make you selfish in any shape or form as you don’t need to go to an extent where you put yourself in an awkward situation. This has actually made me think if anyone is left out in my friendship group, thanks.

  4. I feel like she thanked you to let you know she appreciated your efforts in listening to her and offering advice, which was kind of you πŸ™‚ it’s hard to be the one that’s left out so you probably made a difference even if you see it as being something small. Xx

  5. She came to you and thanked you because you’re a good person. I know I’m the same, we all at some point leave people out whether it’s intentional or not. But for you to be so open and kind is amazing, I’m sure that helped both of you a lot. Her to realise it maybe wasn’t on purpose and you to realise what people can do without intending to. Either way thanks for this post because it’s made me think as well whether I’ve ever left anyone out, and how to fix it! πŸ™‚

  6. Awe you’re such a sweet and kind person for helping her out and talking to her. This post made me think if someone in MY group of friends is feeling left out, I do hope not

  7. I feel like the fact that you feel bad about it is what makes you a great person. You’re aware of her situation and you understand it, and that understanding is something she was probably missing and looking for.. You are a great person, no doubt.

  8. Oh, that really sucks for her! I can sympathise way too much. At least she’ll be gone soon. It sucks for now, but there’s not long to go! And I guess she probably feels especially thankful to you because you’re the only one listening. Even if you do accidentally start ignoring her again, at least she had a friend to talk to then

    • If she does feel that way, THAT makes me happy, at least. Still feel a little guilty, but it can’t be helped. Thank you! πŸ™‚

  9. You should be thanked because not everyone has a way with words like you do and not everyone would give her WORTHY advice that would actually help her… Just saying.

  10. You’re a VERY nice person, Elm. You’re personality shows through your words and it’s pretty awesome:)
    The thing that makes you even kinder is that you listened to her, gave her advice and made her feel all good types of ways. You should know that these things really help, and you immensely helped her.

  11. You really are an awesome person, Elm! I totally know how she feels and its really nice to have someone listen to you like you did! Sometimes you just feel invisible! Yo seriosuly are an AMAZING person πŸ™‚

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