No, no, NO.
I am in a panic right now and my hands are shaking like mad and I can barely write, but here goes.
My mock exams start on 11 January and I’ve barely revised for shit. I’m an idiot. GOD DAMN IT, TELL ME I’M AN IDIOT PLEASE, I deserve it.
Why, Elm? Why? Shit shit shit SHIT SHIT! This is my fault. Utterly my fault.
I wrapped myself into a world of fantasy, thinking they wouldn’t come, THINKING I’d get my act together. But guess what? They HAVE come and I HAVEN’T got my act together.
I’m so stupid. SO stupid. Why didn’t I revise before? Why am I SO SHIT? Why can’t I just be damned normal and get my act together NOW, even when I’m panicking so badly I’m nearly crying? What’s wrong with me?
It’s too late. It’s too fucking late. I’m going to fail these because I just CAN’T BE ARSED TO REVISE and I didn’t take this seriously. Stupid, stupid, STUPID. What happened to the me that LOVED to learn and would actually REVISE for shit?
Oh my god. I feel like curling into a ball and ceasing to exist. That seems like an overreaction, but I’ve just realised how incredibly dumb I am.
Hopefully, these feelings will pass by the morning. I SHOULD have done more. I NEED to do more. WHY didn’t I?
They say it’s never too late, but for me it is, because I have no hope in hell of doing well now. That pathetic excuse for revision I did before is just that.
I’m sorry, guys. I’m just really angry. I can’t take Christmas OR my birthday off now. Boo fucking hoo, do well in your exams then you moron.
From Elm 🙂