Sigh. Oh, Elm.
Alright no. I think I need a break. I sort of just half-cried but didn’t have a psychotic breakdown.
3 days ago, I revised chemistry. I did a mini test on it today to practice the things I revised, and I fucked up. I thought I understood it, but for some reason, I Forgot IT and now don’t get it any more. Oh my god.
I feel sick, not least because my hormones are all over the place; let’s not even get into that because it will make any males reading this feel REALLY uncomfortable.
I’m really, really angry. My head hurts and I’ve been doing this for 3 hours with NO gain. I’m a bit of an idiot and again, I’m annoyed. Why the hell can’t I just REMEMBER?
I mean come on, I was so happy on the 24th because I finally understood all the acids and bases module AND most of the calculations (moles and shit) module, but NOW I just don’t seem to recall facts. Idiot.
I couldn’t be properly angry earlier because I was sitting with my sister and it would be unfair on her for me to break down, plus I didn’t want to leave her, but now she’s gone to have a shower and I can feel the massive amounts of self-hatred building up.
Elm, why can’t you get this? Why do facts go in one ear and then out the other? Why do you feel like you’re about to start screaming and crying and WHY CAN’T YOU JUST BE BETTER AT THIS?! The FUCK?!!!
I need a rest but I’ve been WAY too lazy these past few days. Maybe it’ll come back to me in the exam, but I can’t take that chance.
My sister’s coming back downstairs so I have to act happy, or at least okay with myself. I think this crap will pass but I CAN’T take a break from revision. Perhaps I’ll do physics but I feel too sick and if I screw up the mini tests again I’ll flip.
Sorry – I’m just tired and stressed when I have no right to be. Has anyone got any tips? Think I need them.
From Elm 🙂