I’m SO Tired


Just a warning, I’m not going to be able to read ANY posts over the next 2 days because my friend Robin’s (literally just thought of that bird name) over, and I NEED to do revision as well. Sorry! 😦 I don’t want to miss out anything important in your lives, so if something DOES happen, you can always email me or point me to a particular post you wrote. I’m happy to read those.

I stayed up until 2 this morning, because I’m a rebel – it WAS my birthday yesterday after all. But no matter. I want to talk about something with you, something you may judge me for but it’s something that we’ll all most likely go through.

I had a bit of alcohol yesterday.

I can ALREADY imagine the expression of shock on your faces, but don’t worry, it wasn’t much. I only got ‘tipsy’, but it was enough that my balance went off-kilter and I felt dizzy. My mum got overprotective as hell, but that’s just how she is.

I cried a LOT, but it was because I was terrified. I HATED the feeling of losing control. There were other people over, people I didn’t like, and they laughed at me because THEY’D had plenty of alcohol before and I, well, hadn’t.

I went for a walk with Robin’s mum, who is lovely, but I don’t remember much of it. I didn’t feel like I was outside at all, and I was confused and I just cried and tried to talk coherently, which I DID because I really wasn’t drunk. Robin’s mum said, and rightly so, that 90 percent of what I was feeling was coming from the panic and not the alcohol, which makes sense, because I’ve never had that experience before. But luckily, I had NO hangover this morning.

When I was walking, the only real clear thing I remember is this woman with a dog. I got to pat the dog, and I remember the feel of the fur through a gate. I said some bullshit (or NOT bullshit) about animals. most likely calming me down. I feel sorry for that dog now, and I kind of want to apologise to that woman.

Everything was hazy, but I know it was because of the panic. It was good that I got that panic out, though it was so confusing.

What I’m trying to say here is alcohol is both good and bad. I’m really glad, though, that I had this experience with people I basically consider family, plus my ACTUAL family, rather than friends. I’m not saying you shouldn’t EVER drink alcohol, that it’s absolute shite, but just be careful. I know you will.

I told you this to show you that things like this aren’t taboo. I’m probably going to be addressing some things this month, or year, that’ll make some people feel uncomfortable, but don’t worry. You CAN talk about things without feeling embarrassed, I promise you that. People shouldn’t judge you for it.

I hope you have a wonderful year. You all deserve it so much.

CRAP, I’ve got to do revision now.

From Elm πŸ™‚

80 thoughts on “I’m SO Tired

  1. That’s actually a good message to send Elm, instead of just completely saying nope to all of it, in my opinion. I’m glad you’re all good now. Also, I do realise that you are really busy and revision should definitely, certainly come first. But if you have some spare time, I’d really really appreciate it if you could have a read of one my most recent posts, about a new blog. But yes, revision first! πŸ™‚ also, Happy New year!

  2. Happy new year Elm. And also, I got shock, haha. But that’s okay. It’s okay to drink but not too much. I wish that your revisions will be finish. Belated happy birthday also.

  3. Yeah its totally a personal preference. But if you ever choose to drink you should remember that you shouldn’t become helpless. But still my first advice would be not to drink at all. But still if you like to – make it just a formal drink. To feel a bit light and still be in full consciousness.

    But still,as I said earlier its better not to drink at all.

  4. It’s 5:30 am here and I still haven’t even changed into pajamas, let alone gone to sleep. But hey I can day that I’ve been wearing these jeans since last year πŸ˜‰

  5. UGH.
    Yesterday I had to drink wine because my friends were and I didn’t want to start my year with being a pussy.
    It’s just so… Disgusting!!! Ugh ew it’s just so bitter and tasteless why do people like it.
    Here kids start drinking at around 10. I am NOT joking or hyperbole-ing (and a half-ing lolz). They literally drink beer like it’s normal, and on special occasions they’re allowed to have whiskey. I never saw what was good in that!! Ugh ew god ew.
    Well, at least you started your year (and sweet 16) with a new experience! Happy new year and sorry for this useless comment πŸ˜€

    • Lol I actually had my first taste of wine when I was seven because my church uses it in communion. (#rebel) Sorry you people had such bad experiences with it. It’ll probably save you from worse things later in life tho. Also, I’d just like to encourage you. It takes more kahones to NOT drink alcohol when everyone else is.

      • Oh yes, we also have wine with our communion since we’re 7. And our first experiences with alcohol might very well date from nights when dads become very irresponsible and make their two year olds taste beer. Urgh.
        And you are right, I am very glad I don’t like alcohol. The hard part is being judged, I guess

      • Well that is certainly the lowest drinking age I’ve heard of to date. And agreed. That’s where the kahones come in. πŸ˜‰

      • Sorry randomly butt into your conversation, but you shouldn’t be scared of judgement. Happens to all of us, right?

      • Elm, it’s YOUR blog, so you can butt in on any conversation taking place on it xD
        And, well, it’s pretty hard. Basically half of my life is built aroujd fear of judgement.

      • I know how that feels 😦 But everyone’s always going to get judged, and the best we can do is realise that it SHOULDN’T affect us.

  6. Revise away, Elm! Best of luck for your papers! πŸ˜€
    And yes, alcohol SUCKS! If I have a cold, I do sometimes take a spoonful of brandy, but ONLY because my mum forces it down my throat XD. And it’s AWFUL. I agree with you:)

  7. I’ve never had alcohol but I think I’d pretty much have the same reaction as you because I hate the feeling of not being in control. And it’s really nice that you were surrounded by people who cared about you at the time! I’m sure the rest of your year will be ridiculously amazing though so don’t let this put you down!😊

  8. It sounds like your experience was terrifying, but at least it was something new. The idea of alcohol, any kind terrifies me. It’s against our religion and culture, and it’s something that is seen as taboo in our society. It’s unacceptable, so even if it’s there in our dramas and stuff, I never really saw someone drunk. Or got drunk myself. Even though I’ve read and see it a gazillion times. But in the long run, I don’t think I will, even though a lot of people do, despite being Muslim. Happy New Year, Elm ❀

    • It IS quite scary, especially because it would be against your religion. In my culture (I’m not religious so I couldn’t say about that), it’s almost acceptable to drink underage, and EXPECTED.

  9. Alcohol to me is kinda scary, because if you have too much it can and will make you tipsy and I’ll probably have the same reaction as you had. Good luck on your revisions! I’m sure you’ll do awesome 😊

  10. I can relate to this, yesterday I was at a New Year party and everyone my age was drinking, they kept asking me why I wasn’t and in the end I gave in and joined in with them. I didn’t get extremely like out of control drunk but I still wish that I hadn’t done it. But anyway Happy New Year and I hope your revision goes well! πŸ™‚

  11. I’m ashamed to say that from experience, I know that alcohol can both be good and bad. It’s OK though, because it’s new, and new things are always a little scary right? I had alcohol too last night, as it was MY BIRTHDAY [which you were celebrating], and that didn’t end up all that well; I cried down the phone to someone for abut two and a half hours, then drifted off and woke up at 3pm. But hey, we’re teenagers; it’s about learning new things, trying stuff, deciding what we like and what we don’t like. I’m proud of you for trying something new, however creepy that sounds, and I think that you should be proud that you tried something new too, whether you liked it or not. You didn’t shy away from it, ad that’s an achievement in itself, right?

  12. Haha good luck with revision! And also, big tip: it REALLY matters who you get tipsy/drunk around! If there are people you don’t feel comfortable with when you are sober then definitely no alcohol. Just a tip πŸ™‚

  13. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I stayed up till two as well, and then my friend woke me up at 8:30 so… EXHAUSTED MUCH???
    I won’t judge you, Elm. I see that you’ve figured out what you feel is safe and what you don’t, and that’s good. You had wonderful people to get you through the panic, and you’re fine now. Like you said, just be careful in the future, okay? πŸ™‚ Good luck with revisions!

  14. I’ve just seen this post and thought I’d comment: it seems like to a lot of the people commenting, alcohol is a really big deal, which I’d kinda like to counter. Yes, negative experiences can stem from alcohol, but that’s just why you’ve got to be responsible. Alcohol isn’t a big deal at all – ultimately, it’s just a drink – and there shouldn’t be any judgement around it, both for people who choose not to drink, AND those who do. I personally enjoy alcohol, every now and again, and if it’s handled responsibly, I don’t think it should be “a thing”. Happy new year, Elm! xxx

  15. HAHAH I ALSO HATE ALCOHOL! I’ve only had it a couple of times but I always end up doing something really stupid or telling my mum stuff I don’t want to tell her and no

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