HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! 🙂
Just a warning, I’m not going to be able to read ANY posts over the next 2 days because my friend Robin’s (literally just thought of that bird name) over, and I NEED to do revision as well. Sorry! 😦 I don’t want to miss out anything important in your lives, so if something DOES happen, you can always email me or point me to a particular post you wrote. I’m happy to read those.
I stayed up until 2 this morning, because I’m a rebel – it WAS my birthday yesterday after all. But no matter. I want to talk about something with you, something you may judge me for but it’s something that we’ll all most likely go through.
I had a bit of alcohol yesterday.
I can ALREADY imagine the expression of shock on your faces, but don’t worry, it wasn’t much. I only got ‘tipsy’, but it was enough that my balance went off-kilter and I felt dizzy. My mum got overprotective as hell, but that’s just how she is.
I cried a LOT, but it was because I was terrified. I HATED the feeling of losing control. There were other people over, people I didn’t like, and they laughed at me because THEY’D had plenty of alcohol before and I, well, hadn’t.
I went for a walk with Robin’s mum, who is lovely, but I don’t remember much of it. I didn’t feel like I was outside at all, and I was confused and I just cried and tried to talk coherently, which I DID because I really wasn’t drunk. Robin’s mum said, and rightly so, that 90 percent of what I was feeling was coming from the panic and not the alcohol, which makes sense, because I’ve never had that experience before. But luckily, I had NO hangover this morning.
When I was walking, the only real clear thing I remember is this woman with a dog. I got to pat the dog, and I remember the feel of the fur through a gate. I said some bullshit (or NOT bullshit) about animals. most likely calming me down. I feel sorry for that dog now, and I kind of want to apologise to that woman.
Everything was hazy, but I know it was because of the panic. It was good that I got that panic out, though it was so confusing.
What I’m trying to say here is alcohol is both good and bad. I’m really glad, though, that I had this experience with people I basically consider family, plus my ACTUAL family, rather than friends. I’m not saying you shouldn’t EVER drink alcohol, that it’s absolute shite, but just be careful. I know you will.
I told you this to show you that things like this aren’t taboo. I’m probably going to be addressing some things this month, or year, that’ll make some people feel uncomfortable, but don’t worry. You CAN talk about things without feeling embarrassed, I promise you that. People shouldn’t judge you for it.
I hope you have a wonderful year. You all deserve it so much.
CRAP, I’ve got to do revision now.
From Elm 🙂