The “Unindependence Loop”

So, throughout my day, I planned to write an absolutely furious post on this topic, because I was really really angry. My friend Robin, who left today and stayed over for 2 nights, understood me and had a chat to me about it, and so did Robin’s mum, so I’m more calm now – still pissed off a little, though, at the SUBJECT rather than the SITUATION. ARGH, let me explain.

I’m blind, but SERIOUSLY, it should not excuse this whatsoever. I’ve got no independence.

I can’t do the most basic things. Cooking? HAHAHAHAHAHA! Walking around by myself, getting trains, getting busses, being ABLE to go places on my own without having to clutch someone’s arm? OH, forget it. And THAT is what pisses me off.

My friend Robin goes to a college for the blind. We were out today, in London, and she discussed with me and my mother about me coming to visit her. That involves going on a train by myself, but really, I could most likely manage it. My mum thinks I can’t, and YEAH, she might be right now, but I can learn.

It honestly upsets me that I haven’t been independent. When I was younger, people did things for me, which means that NOW, I can’t do the basic things other people – BLIND OR NOT – can. That’s no one’s fault, but then my mum turns around and says I won’t be able to manage it. Poor little blind, helpless, unindependent Elm can’t go on a train by herself, when her friends Robin and L can! She didn’t SAY that, but I know that’s what she’s thinking. I KNOW we’re going to have an argument later, but obviously, I’ll be so angry and she doesn’t understand that it’s not at her, but rather that she can’t and won’t get the anger at MYSELF.

Robin’s mum understood. She said that I should go and talk to my mobility officer (person who helps me move around and learn ways to get to new places) but my mum had already suggested it. I’ve got to show her I CAN do this, but seeming as she’s sheltered me for so long, I don’t know HOW. It’s kind of my fault too, because I never bothered to TRY and learn ways to get to places – well done, Elm.

I don’t have the manic anger I had earlier. I just wish I could do more things, because it’s kind of pathetic how I am now. It’s not my mum’s fault, but I wish things had turned out differently. I find it easier to learn things from my dad, because he knows when I get angry, it’s frustration at MYSELF rather than him.

I’ve put off thinking about this, and now – in the midst of revision and thinking I’m going to fail – I get THIS as well?

I haven’t read blogs today and I feel a little guilty. I don’t think I can, not now. I just feel upset because I’m me and I have to rely on OTHER people to help me, when everyone else can do shit and it’s no excuse that I can’t.

Wishing gets you nowhere, I suppose. It just hurts. I hate doing these posts because they never go anywhere.

How are you doing, anyway? It’s nearly back to school time, which is going to go crappily, but we’ll deal.

From Elm πŸ™‚

85 thoughts on “The “Unindependence Loop”

  1. I’m exactly the same. Since we moved I can’t go out on my own either because I don’t know the village. My friends had an argument with me because it was MY fault that I wasn’t independent, while in reality I’m not given the freedom to do it. I understand you. Tbh, you can throw whatever the bloody hell you like at me if you want (I mean, it’s not like we’ll be in close enough proximity for me to feel it, at this rate πŸ˜‚). Nah, seriously mate, it’ll all happen soon enough for both of us πŸ‘

    • God, I hope so. It just frustrates me so much, and you KNOW how that is, because I want to do things everyone else can do – blind AND sighted. You know that sort of helpless feeling, when you feel like you SHOULD be able to do things.

  2. I’m almost 18 and basically the exact same! Haha! I’m so weird I even have a weird fear of busses. Also, my cooking skills are non existent. As for leaving the home, my mom keeps trying to get me to go out somewhere but I really just can’t get myself to go. It’s stupid I know but I guess things will get better eventually πŸ™‚

  3. Wow, I had no idea Elm I’m so sorry! Also I’m really dumb, so…. God, I hope you’re okay. It will get better in time xxxx

  4. New tech may be able to help you in the future. In the mean time, do some research, they’re might just be someone similar who found a solution!

  5. Oh Elm. I’m sorry. Maybe your Mum just doesn’t want to see you get hurt, maybe all she’s worried about are the nasty people in the world who might take advantage of you on a train or something.
    I’m sorry if that didn’t even make any sense or help what so ever, but XD
    p.s happyyyyyyy biiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrtttttttthhhhhhhhhhddddddddddaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy again x

  6. Sorry Elm, that kind of does suck. Try not to get too angry at your Mum, she’s just overprotective like a lot of mums. Instead take a while to get your thoughts together and put together a few words to explain how you’re feeling to her so it doesn’t explode into a huge fight which will only make you both feel worse. Other than that you should try and get help from people who do understand, and start doing little things on your own while they’re there watching or something, if that offers your Mum any comfort. And then maybe slowly build that up into stuff like cooking, taking a train, going out and all that. You can do this Elm, you’re an amazingly strong girl and I know you can do it.

  7. I’m so sorry Elm. People go through phases like this in life and you just need to remember that it isn’t you! Stay strong! We all get frustrated and angry sometimes because it’s our nature to. And I hope you feel better. No one should go through something like this. And your confidence will grow! Don’t think negatively because it can! Just keep moving forward and trying. You’ll never know if you don’t try πŸ™‚ Stay strong ❀

    • Thanks – I really will. You just made me feel like I really CAN do this. I need to remember to breathe and realise I CAN do this and it’s not the end of the road.

  8. Oh, I had the same thing with my parents. I can’t commute or travel without my dad/mom going with me and I hate I wasn’t given too much freedom to do something basic. Commute is just something basic. They will not even let me cook. But some day, they will give you more freedom and then, you will be the independent woman you want to be.

  9. gosh that sucks elm. 😦 but maybe your mom has some good reasoning behind it – you know how moms are, she just might be overprotective because she loves you. i’m sure it’ll all work out! πŸ™‚

  10. understand firstly, that these things are SO possible for you. if there’s a will, there’s a way. i hope you find your way. good luck elm!

  11. Well you think she hates you but she’s just being overprotective πŸ™‚ every mum is. Take a day to think about it before having a fight or something. Annnd if you already fought,then try apologizing to her maybe? Good luck πŸ™‚

  12. She’s just doing what all mums do. She’s being overprotective of you because she loves you:) but yes, I do understand what you’re saying. I think you and your mum should sit down, have a nice chat and talk it out. Ask her politely and she’s sure to relent! Tell her to believe in you and that she can trust you. I’m sure she’ll understand after a while. Good luck!

  13. Aw, Elm 😦 this must feel awful. If it makes you feel any better… I’ve never gone anywhere by myself either? AND I’m not blind on top of that. I’m just awfully… What’s the word… A pussy? Woops. But it’s true. At least you have the courage to go out by yourself, and you should be damn proud of that, because that means you’ll be able to do whatever you want pretty soon. I hope you won’t be long! I’m sure you can do it, you intelligent queen πŸ™‚

      • Ohh, no you’re not. Overprorective parents will be overprotective, no matter if their kids are blind, deaf, or amputees. We just have to take it till we’re 18 I guess xD (or in my case until I have enough balls)
        And listen, if winning FRIGIN FOUR AWARDS at the Bloggies didn’t convince you that you’re QUEEN, I don’t know what will!

  14. You are so bloody strong, you know. That despite being blind (and therefore having so many things made harder for you) you just get on with life. And that it’s only occasionally that you get this frustration, and sense of injustice, that I would be struggling with every day if I were you. So yeah, you’re pretty incredible. And I’m sure you will find a solution – you are Elm, the problem solver, after all. X

  15. Great blog! Just nominated you for an award, check out my post for more details (Sorry if you’ve already done it!)

  16. You are really strong! For trying and not taking no for an answer! Don’t let people push your motivation down even if they doubt you and sometimes make you doubt yourself! Also, I mentioned you in my most recent post in which I thank some bloggers for their support, if you want to check it out! πŸ™‚

  17. You are soo incredibly strong πŸ™‚
    NEVER forget that.
    And I know it’s tough but the fact that you’re dealing with it is a great thing! πŸ™‚

    Also, the people who say you can’t, don’t matter AT ALL. Show them how wrong they are!

  18. Ugh, I feel like that all the time. My parents seem to give my sister so much freedom, and even though I’m not blind, I always feel restricted. “You’re not old enough.” “You can’t do that.” UGH ITS SO ANNOYING!

  19. I’ve had this argument with my parents hundreds of times when I still lived at home. Obviously not the same thing, but it reflects in everything new they need to accept in their lives when I am ready to do it. This can be taking a bus, getting an own bank card, going to a party late. When it’s the first time, it’ll be scary for the ‘rents because they are worried about their child. There is only one solution (I’ve found), and that is to compromise. You need to find a middle ground between the two of you, and then start there. You’ll see that once you’ve convinced your mum you’re fine, that middle ground will very quickly shift over to exactly what you want. Good luck!

  20. it may sound far-fetched but I have heard about blind people who have learned echo location, it may be hard, but I think it’s worth a try, hope this helps.

    • Honestly, echolocation works for me to an extent, but I just don’t feel confident using it. Thanks though, I really should look into it more.

  21. If you don’t mind me asking, have you ever considered getting a guide dog? My best friend raises them and it is stunning to watch them grow up and help people.

    p.s. If you don’t mind me asking, what part of the UK do you live in? My mum was born in Devon and we go back every year.

    • I have considered it, yeah, and I think I might get one in the future. As in about when I’m 18, because though a lot of my friends are getting them now, it would be too stressful for me (not even sure how okay the school will be about it).
      And I live near London, but I’ve been to Devon several times πŸ™‚ Where do you live?

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