MOCKS ARE DONE!!!!!! Let’s have a virtual party, or something, I’M TIRED I NEED SLEEP.
So now, you get more posts from the Elm, in between bouts of stressing and shrieking. Sounds fun, right? Argh. I’ve missed you all so much but shh, I’m trying to be composed.
Something very weird happened today, or TWO things, but they made me grin. I’m part-happy and part-sad; I should explain.
In our school we’ve got something called PSE – personal social education – and I can’t stand it. I sit next to this girl, though, called… Lily? It suits her. I spoke to her, laughed with her and now we’ve got a comfortable friendship, I think. It’s weird, because I CAN talk to her and I don’t have to worry about all these stupid popularity expectations.
And then in form, we were doing a quiz and I spoke to this other girl – hmm, I’ll call her Sage or something. It turns out that she’s going out with a girl called Grace, and nobody really expected it. We were talking about the imbalance in bisexuality (it’s not just a 50-50 split), and how they aren’t denying their relationship any more (not that they did, but they used to just not really answer either way).
We spoke for ages, and I walked with her to English. We talked about my group and how people aren’t really surprised when or if we go out with each other, because most of the people in our group aren’t straight. It felt amazing to just chat to someone about things, who I hadn’t talked to in ages – and Sage is great, too.
To be known like that, and to be treated like that by two girls who really, I don’t know, feels fantastic. I guess it’s shown me that I can branch out, that it’s POSSIBLE if I just smile and TALK to people. Originally I felt awful and guilty because before, I just didn’t CARE about many people in our year, and then felt ashamed of my younger self, but the past is the past and all I can do is move on from it.
It’s not so hopeless; I CAN make more friends because the year’s more together than I realised. I just have to take more steps to get to know more people, for the sheer fact of finding out how nice humans can actually be.
What I’m trying to say to you is that talking to someone you don’t really know is okay. You end up smiling and making – if not a friend, someone who you can talk to who won’t shoot your words down. And after a while, you’ll get into the flow of conversation and you’ll feel so so happy.
From Elm 🙂