Can you just pop on over to this guy‘s blog and give him a follow, because he just cheered me up so much and realised there are fucking amazing people in this world.
Yesterday, Things were really bad and I’ve never snapped like that after so long being very happy. But yesterday evening and today made me realise I’m not as bad as I thought I was. A mixture of your comments and my real life friends helped with that.
When it comes to big things, I never tell anyone. As in, big secrets. Secrets people have EXPLICITLY told me NEVER to tell anyone.
And I NEVER have told anyone at all things like that. The BIG things, really serious things. I still need to work on the trivial stuff, and by trivial I mean things that are so much less serious than what I know. But it’s one step at a time, isn’t it?
The thing is, I CAN keep a secret, for other people when they need me to. If someone trusts me with something really important, GOD I won’t spread it. I never could because THAT is disgusting.
Ash told me something once that I’ve never told anyone and I never plan on it; I suppose he thinks I’ve told everyone but he’d be so wrong about that – he’s right about many things about me, but not that. Aspen has told me things, and Red and Wren – talking to Wren today cemented in my mind that I’m not that much of a shitty person.
And last night, it was… Hmm, what shall I call him? Alyssum. That’s genuinely a tree and I like the name. God knows why he trusted me – I actually don’t understand why he would or why other people would – but I’m honoured.
I feel like I’m bragging, saying “OMG like people have told me all their secrets I’m greeaaatttt!” I am not. My posts and experiences have proven that, but what I am is so glad that they trust me. I’ve got things to work on to do with myself, but trust is a big thing for me.
KIND of ironic but… Whatever. I’m working on that too; I’m working on keeping trust for EVERYTHING, not just the big stuff.
But for me, the big things are what matter. I’ll keep those secrets, even if I end up hating the people that they’re about.
I’m not such a shitty person after all. Now, all I need to do is hold and cherish that trust, especially the new trust gained from Alyssum. Trust is so difficult to hold onto and I just hope I can, that I don’t hurt anyone else.
From Elm 🙂