Well, I’m slightly confused and a little… Worried?
It was brought to me today that I HATE litter. As in, I actually hate it. Garbage, rubbish, trash, whatever you want to call it. I DESPISE it on a slightly terrifying level.
I hate holding it. Cans, wrappers, not when they’re full but when they’re half-empty or empty. Oh god the thought of that is making me feel slightly queasy. I want it AWAY from me, so I NEED a bin immediately.
And when I can’t find a bin, I panic. My hand starts shaking and I feel uncomfortable. Perhaps it’s just a psychological thing that has worsened when I think about it, but I don’t know. Like today, I couldn’t find a bin and I was constantly worrying about it and feeling the litter in my hand and just getting frustrated.
Maybe it’s because I can’t see the bin or can’t find it by myself, and THAT’s why I get frustrated? Perhaps. I often try and get it away from me as fast as possible, which makes me give it to someone else. That’s kinda crappy, because I’m just passing it onto another person which is disgusting.
Saying this makes me feel like a snob. “OHHH my god, litter is like gross ewwww!” I probably am, but I don’t know. Now I feel shitty. Oh god.
I’ll give some context. If I step on litter, I physically recoil or get irritated. If litter is blown by the wind, and I hear it, I either walk away fast or become really jumpy.
It’s nothing serious, but it annoyed me today. I’m not sure what it is about litter that upsets me (even when people throw things on the floor I get actually sad because it bothers me a lot). At my house it’s okay: if I’m eating something in a packet, I can just throw it in a bin and it’s all fine.
I don’t know what it is. I feel weird, or like I’m overinflating the problem. It’s not serious but it does bother me and I need to get a handle on it, because I feel rather pathetic. I’m scared that now people will know about it, I’ll accidentally overplay it or something stupid like that, or I’ll become more conscientious.
What if my friends suddenly get all concerned about this? Shit I don’t want that.
Do you have this, or anything like it?
From Elm 🙂