Proud, In a Way

Today was an explosion of “OMG WHAT DID YOU GET IN YOUR MOCKS TELL ME!!!” and I felt awkward doing that because I felt like I was showing off.

People did quite well – Wren did insanely well, Red too, and Odd and Willow and all the rest, but today I want to talk about Birch. If you don’t know who he is, I sit next to him in history – I used to have a huge crush on him before the summer, but that’s past now (after I got rejected eyy).

So, we still talk, but not like it was before. I have a feeling he thinks I don’t like him, which is ridiculous because he’s a great guy (I’m trying to set him and Willow up to go to prom together, and who cares if they’ve never spoken?)

We were chatting in history when the inevitable question came up: “EYY, what did you get in history?”

Me: “Err, A star?”

Birch: “You got an A star?”

Me: “Yup… What’d you get?”

Birch: “A star for one topic and B for another.”

Me (Hits the table): “YASSS!”

I didn’t show him that inside, I was doing a victory dance for him. I was thinking, “GOD, I’m proud of this guy. WHY am I proud of him?”

And I think I have an answer. In the last one and a half years, we’ve known each other – and not been friends, but he understands me a little. I used to help him with his history, in lessons and for homework, and it almost makes me feel like I helped him a little, to show him he CAN get a high grade in that subject. I’m not responsible for it, but I’m so happy that he achieved something – he’s got so confident over the last year.

Our changes mean we. never speak any more, not with the comfortable tone we used to, but that’s okay. I’m just happy for him, I guess. He was one of the ones that got me through the whole Ash shit without even realising it.

Even when they’re not how they used to be, the friendships and connections you make last, for YOU, in your mind. How I feel for Birch is far removed from what it was, but that doesn’t mean I can’t feel really pleased when he gets a high grade in the subject we both share, both love, and in the subject where we first met and when I realised that living and smiling, rather than being serious, is a GOOD thing. That’s how he helped me.

If he ever saw this, he’d laugh and say it was nothing to do with me, then never speak to me again. Yeah, I didn’t help him get that A, but I’m glad I was around to witness it.

Memories of Birch bring me back to April and May, SO long ago it seems, but being reminded of the past can be a good thing.

Do you have people like that, who you used to love or like and though you don’t at all any more, you’re still impacted by the good things they do?

From Elm πŸ™‚

34 thoughts on “Proud, In a Way

  1. I think I understand what you mean. Even though people can grow apart, a person you have cared about will never completely be removed from your heart and mind (gosh, that sounds cheesy!). And if you don’t mind me asking, what happened with Ash? It’s totally okay if you don’t want to talk about it, but if you do I’m here πŸ™‚

    • Aww thank you so much. It’s… Ridiculously complicated, but very long story short, we used to be very good friends and I fell in love with him; about 8 months ago I messed things up and we literally never speak any more. GOD I have no idea how to sum it up. But thank you so much.

  2. People and friends stay ingrained in your brains its like an imprint. I have had the same experience as well knowing someone you helped has succeeded in life. πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒ

  3. Yes! I completely agree with this. Even though you have grown apart from them and don’t talk to them as much as you used to, they will always have a special place in your heart so you can’t help but be proud of them and their achievements. Congrats to you both!

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