A few days ago, I thought something that shocked me nearly into the next century.
I need to do some sort of sport.
No, SCRATCH THAT: I WANT to do some sort of sport. Yeah, you can faint now, because I just admitted to WANTING to do exercise. Elm, the most reluctant person in the world, who HATES all forms of exercise. Yup. I’m in shock, too.
It’s just, I’ve had enough. I’ve had ENOUGH of feeling unfit and getting short of breath when I exercise. And of course, there’s the whole thing about it calming you down and making you concentrate more which helps with exams and that kind of thing. I want to be active because god knows I NEED that, as I haven’t been in recent years. Or ever.
There’s a reason why I hate exercise, or the thought of doing it, and it’s probably because I never had or never could be bothered to take that opportunity. Oh here comes the awkward part where I bring my blindness into it, though it has no business here.
There’s sports that are specially adapted for us blindies (CRINGE why did I say that?) like football, cricket, goalball etc, but they’ve never interested me. Not sure why. Running is an issue because I have to get guided, and I’ve NEVER been confident with swimming. I SHOULD be, but I never have been; partly because of le lack of sight (NO EXCUSE) but mostly because I started late and always had lessons with those younger than me, which caused me to have horrific embarrassment.
I want to do something where I can truly do it, with little help – I won’t say no help because I’ll need guidance a little. Judo maybe, or rock climbing. The latter would be good – Y’KNOW WHAT FUCK IT, I’m looking into it.
Climbing’s not a TRADITIONAL sport, not like running or cycling or football, but it’s something I can do. I tried it once before but quit, STUPIDLY, and I need to take it up again. I’m more confident then, because it’s something I can concentrate on without relying on people to literally guide me, like in running.
I just need to get passed the issue of confidence because I hate people seeing me exercise, as in I really hate it, especially when it’s something I WANT to be good at.
To be honest, I want to say I can do it. I want to achieve it, and get healthier; I’m way too thin but I need to be more in shape. For god’s sake, I don’t even care about the “I’M BLIND AND Can DO SPORT!” because that’s old and everyone knows that we can so it’s not exactly a revelation.
It’s time I actually made a damned effort instead of doing nothing. You know, it might even make me more productive. I like routines, and I’m getting better at organising myself too.
From Elm 🙂