I’m an Unexplained Wreck

I just hate everything.

No, I DON’T hate everything. I’m just sad.

I’m so, so sad. I’ve got something that feels like a weight on my chest, my heart, and I’m SO DAMN UPSET and I have no idea why.

This probably seems out of the blue, and I haven’t done one of these in a while. I’m sorry. I wish I felt okay. I wish I WAS okay enough, and I wish I could pretend everything was fine. In fact I CAN, because everything is fine and I’m just being so FUCKING DRAMATIC again. God.

I’m fake. I pity myself, then whine about my problems; I’ve got nothing to be miserable about. This is a fucking ridiculous post.

I’m a shit friend. I’m a terrible person. And I DON’T KNOW WHY, I just have this crawling, hateful feeling, and I know people will say I’ll be okay and it’ll make me feel okay for a while.

It’s funny, because I’m not even being true to myself here. I just think I’m not a nice person, which ISN’T news, but everything’s snapped and I feel sick.

Why do I do this? Why do I lock myself into a loop? I feel like everything’s hopeless, pointless, stupid, WORTHLESS, that I’m all of these things and then some. What the fuck is the point in having friends, doing well, BOTHERING? Why am I saying this?

I’ve been sitting here for the past hour, trying to get these feelings AWAY from me, trying to cheer up. It’s failed and I just want to stop, now, and let everything fade into the background.

I haven’t done enough revision over the half term. I haven’t done enough homework. I haven’t payed attention to my friends, or tried hard enough, or been bothered to try. I’ve got a sick feeling in my chest and it’s my fault. I should be able to do this by now.

It’s all so insignificant. I don’t know what to do with my time, with my life, or anything. If I carry on like this, I’m going to get nowhere, but how do I stop? I feel like life’s running away with me, all the time, and I’m helpless but I’m NOT, I’M NOT, I CAN DO SOMETHING BUT WHAT?!

Everything’s happening too fast, too soon, too much. Exams, stress, friends, ME, me being shitty, me posting this shit, me making things about myself. All so damned pointless and I doubt it’s true anyway; I’m making excuses for feeling sad for no reason.

Why can’t I just get a grip and stop acting like a pathetic fuck – why is it that I can’t be happy and why I’m panicking, why I’m saying to myself I’m going to fail?

In the background, I despise myself, because I’m lazy and WON’T do anything and there’s too much. It’s absolutely pathetic and I’m making EVERYONE WORRIED.

Why can’t I get that happiness from yesterday? And now WHY THE Hell do I feel empty?

I’m so sorry, guys. I am acting so negatively and that’s not the image I want to show you, but it’s me right now. I hope you’re all okay, and sorry I’m posting this attention-seeking bullshit again.

From Elm πŸ™‚

118 thoughts on “I’m an Unexplained Wreck

  1. I wish there was someone who could share the load with you there. Someone who could understaand what you were going through and feel your pain around you. It must be hard to feel so much guilt, I don’t like the feeling of guilt and I am sorry you feel like this

  2. It’s all going to be fine! Just make some time for yourself! And clear out your mind! Go for a walk or something and think about how to sort it all out, it’ll be fine! Take care!

  3. I get you. I get these feelings, I get all of them. I got all these way too often, because I couldnt stop thinking of how shitty MY life was and how much I hated myself etc. And whenever these episodes of misery happened I could never see a way out of it. But I can’t tell you now that there ALWAYS is. There’s always gonna be those horrible days where you feel like shit but there’ll also always be good days. So stop thinking too much about the bad things. I know it feels impossible to do that, but you need to. Think about the good things, the things you can hold onto- your friends, your family, US! I’ve lost count of how many followers you have a long time ago. You are literally my blogging inspirations, and one of my inspirations as a person. So don’t wallow in your sorrow (omg I’m a poet and I don’t know it) and feel sorry for yourself, get up and change. Once you’ve done that, the whole world will look different. Think about how much you want your friends, how much you NEED them. Think about the grades you want. Then think about how you’re going to get there.
    I’m always here, email me whenever you want theambivert@hotmail.com. xxxxx

  4. You can always talk to me about it, I know what you mean. Don’t lose faith in yourself, you are a beautiful human being! You are truly a good person, but that good person in you has to win the battle in her mind first. Don’t compromise, that won’t stop the war. WIN IT. YOU CAN, YOU HAVE IT IN YOU.

    Okay, this is getting really cheesy. Again. But if you ever need someone to talk to, you can email me: infinitmagic.love@gmail.com

  5. One, you can post whatever you want because this is YOUR blog and we love you and will support you and listen to you. Each and every one of us are ready to listen if you want to rant. Two, it happens to me too! For no reason I get depressed for a few days and read sad books and listen to sad music etc. Then there are also days when I’m up with the clouds for no reason. Its the way of life. Stress gets to you. Take a mental health day, you need it!

  6. Literally Elm theres nothing wrong with posting this. You actually have no idea how reassuring it actually is to people who feel the same, although that may sound weird as you feel like your annoying them-your making us feel better for feeling the same AND your helping yourself by expressing your feelings. So its a win-win really. Take some time to yourself. I’ve been feeling like this for literally the whole half term so I’ve spent a whole week on my own, just chilling out and its helped a bit. You deserve the time- listen to some uplifting songs and eat your favourite food and watch your favourite film. Then come back and read all eh lovely comments on your blog and you will feel different- I promise. -Tash xx

    • Awww my god Tash, THANK YOU FOR THIS. I swear you always make me feel good about myself, and that’s amazing of you. I’m glad I could help other people, too.

  7. Elm it’s not a bad thing for you to feel like this or to post about it. This is your blog and it’s a part of you so you have every right to post these kinds of things on here because they’re a part of who you are. And it’s okay to feel like shit and to feel worthless because everyone does at some point in their life but it won’t last forever. Something will happen and you’ll feel so much better and if you get like this later on again then that’s fine because the cycle will repeat but that’s life. You’re always gunna have ups and downs but that’s what makes life worth living. Or at least I think so.

  8. Your not alone and you can get passed this. These are normal feelings elm. It okay to feel like this. Just know you that you are not any of those nasty things. Elm you are a Lovely, Kind, Caring, Hardworking, Intelligent, Creative human and so much more. I get that you don’t feel the best now But you are fantastic and I think your amazing and I really want you to know that and remeber it.No matter what you are amazing …head up elm this feeling will pass.Always here if you need to talk to someone and never feel bad about telling people how you feel.

  9. Listen up Elm, you are amazing and everyone has already said it all but I guess I am going to repeat it. You are gonna get past this I can guarantee that, you are an amazing friend as far as I’m concerned, I know it might seem so hopeless now but it’s not and you just need to push past it, these are pretty normal I mean I have felt this stuff and it’s not gonna be the end of the world πŸ™‚ , just know you are so amazing and you are smart, and helpful, strong, wonderful, awesome, and FLUCKING OUT OF THIS WORLD! keep up the good work and see you through the screen πŸ™‚ ~Liss

  10. Elm! You need to know and understand that it’s always acceptable to be sad or stressed, especially with exams coming up! If I’m honest, I haven’t done any revision over the half term, but it’s never to late to revise! You aren’t a terrible person okay! Look at all these wonderful followers you have they all look up to you and admire your work because you’re a great person! Everything will be alright. Maybe do something that calms you down, light a candle and listen to some chill music, think happy thoughts, blog for hours, take a walk etc. We’re all here for you! :))

  11. You always have us out here. Writing blog posts doesn’t always have to be a happy thing. Otherwise it would all be surreal. You feel like you’re trying and you are trying. You really, truly, are. You have no need to worry about not posting. But when you do post we’ll always be here to read it and comment and help you through.
    You’ll be alright soon enough. Just hang in there. πŸ˜‰

  12. omg elm I made long stupid negative dramatic comments on another blog post, on Misstrey blog- but like an angel she is, she helped me and gave me some wonderful advice. I’m not kidding, the comments I made were very much like thist post. Being stuck in that loop… It’s actually reassuring that we’re not alone. We all have these tough times to overcome. We keep digging that hole, or trudging in this mud and it never seems to stop. It piles up, more and more… It’s easy to get lost in a negative mindset. The first step is easy, but hard. Take a deep breath. it’s good that you know your feelings right? So take a deep breath and sit on your bed and stare at the ceiling or something. Balance your thoughts. Now… if you write it or type it, come back and look at your feelings. Diffrentiate what is the truth and what is the fake stuff your getting from the negativity… it really helps to pick out whats actually happening elm. Now do what you enjoy. Listen to your favorite song. Something that will cheer you up, and reduce your stress. Take deep breaths and drink some water. Everyones been through this, and I hate to give you the same advice you’ve probably heard but you are amazing. you will get through this, I promise- just look at you, and where you are now. We’re all here for you, and it’s important to get it off your chest- best feeling ever. Chilling makes you feel sooo good inside… Life has ups and downs. If it was all ups, it wouldn’t be so fun… would it? Without rains and storms, it’ll turn into a drought. Your expressing your feelings, and that is the best first step you can ever take. Don’t stress, it’ll be alright, I PROMISE you.

    • Bottling up emotions is the worst you could do, and it’s great you are letting everything out. It’s best to stay calm and separate truths from the fakeness, cause it’s easy to find lots of crap when we’re feeling down. I really hope you are feeling better ❀

  13. Elm, just vent vent vent! if you have no room for shouting or punching just write write and write! write away your fury! tear at papers and punch pillows! It will go away, but its also not helping to bottle up emotions. Besides, what are your ‘friends’ on here for other than to give you support, there’s nothing wrong with the post, you just voiced something we all go through, so we are thankful πŸ™‚

  14. I only feel this when I’m on my period. I feel unfair. But there are people who’s going through the same and seeing this will make them feel better, maybe not a lot to the point that they’re life will change but it will- it will make them feel that they’re not alone and that’s a great deal. Go Elm 😊

  15. I know a thing or two about this vicious circle..and it sucks, I’m so sorry. Just take a breath, and a step away from all of it, exams, friends, stress, even you. Don’t give in to the self-loathing or the feeling of worthlessness or the cloud waiting to swallow you whole. You’ll get through

  16. I get this. I know how you feel. And it’s not your fault. But it’s not permanent either. This feeling will go away. It’s good that you’re writing this down because it makes it easier to breathe… Elm, this is not attention seeking! This is sharing your feelings with us. Know that you can always talk to me when you need/want to xx

  17. Elm! Please believe me, you are NOT worthless! Everybody goes through times like these. You are an amazing person, I have never met you but by reading your blog I get the image that your an amazing and inspiring person. I know the advice I gave was kinda shitty cos I don’t know what to say but you were there for me during my tough times and I will be there for you πŸ™‚ always here if you want a chat. Stay Strong❀❀

  18. Please do not ever apologize for having to get your thoughts out. I promise you this isn’t attention-seeking, it helps you clear your mind and sort your thoughts out. I hope the feelings go away, remember you’re a lovely person and you deserve nothing but the best. Remember that we’re always here for you! πŸ™‚
    PS: My email is open if you need to vent. x

  19. It’s perfectly normal to feel like this. Everyone has probably said the same thing in all of the other comments but I just want you to hear it from as many people as possible. I’m like you, I’ve procrastinated the whole half term, done practically no revision and only just managed to complete all of my homework but I think that most people are like that. You’ll be fine, I’m positive. And if you do feel down, the whole blogging community is here! We’ll make you feel better. I hope tomorrow is a better day, and if not try to stay strong. – Jess x

  20. You are NOT a bad person – you’re amazing and an inspiration to us all! And don’t apologize for saying what you think, because it’s your blog and your rules. This sounds so clichΓ© and you’ll probably sigh or roll your eyes when I say this, but you WILL get better in time. Everybody has their bad days, some are worse than others… But like you said, you do have moments where you are genuinely happy. And that’s all that matters at the moment. Whenever you feel sad, try your best to remember the happy moments. And remember that everything happens for a reason, so something good will come from the bad. You’ll be okay. We’re all here for you. If you still have my email from my old blog then you’re welcome to talk to me, whenever you want. Xx

    • Ohh thank you so so much πŸ™‚ Without fail, you always make me feel worth something, you amazing girl. I just need to remember that I AM okay and that I WILL be alright in time, like you said – which isn’t clichΓ©, by the way.

  21. Just know that you’re not alone, there is always someone to talk to. All these people on your blog, we can help. If you ever need to talk then just ask 😊. Sometimes all you need to do is talk.

  22. So many people have already said this but here I am going to say it again. YOU ARE AMAZING! You have so many unique ideas, and you are sooo nice to everyone and you inspire so many people with this blog and I seriously do not understand how you do it! But you are also human. So of course you are going to have bad days, you are going to feel like shit, but in the end you will be okay. So don’t feel bad about making posts like this, because we don’t want to see some fake Elm-is-always-a-happy-perfect-robot, we want to see YOU! The real you. And we care about you. So I’m glad that you post about it when you are feeling down, because then you can hear everyone’s kind words. You are the best and I hope you feel better soon ❀️

  23. Your not any of those things you listed! Your an amazing friend. Your an even better person. Unfortunately you can’t be happy all the time and if I could Id wrap my arms around and bring you through this but it’s okay. You can feel like this just don’t stay like this. You know what if you need to just cry it all out because even if you think it makes you worse or proves your worthless it can actually make you feel better. So many people love you and read you blog which is proof your not a bad person. Just take your time to get over these things. x

  24. Elm, Ive had this feeling before, and trust me, it does get better! you will find people who love you, for you and you will learn to love yourself for who you are! This isnt attention seeking bullshit, this is the real you, and showing the real you is important when blogging, you know that, right? I hope you feel better soon and I live you Elm xxx

  25. This is not even, in the slightest aspect, attention seeking. I know how it feels. Totally, because I myself am a walking train-wreck of emotions. Fuck, I don’t even know how I feel anymore! But, that’s alright. There’s always a magic in the madness, no? Cheer up, girlie. You have us. We might be behind computer screens, but we’d do anything to see you happy. Also, it’s YOUR blog. You post what you want. You rant what you want. No one other than you owns this blog, you know?
    Anyways, I’m always here if you wanna talk. πŸ™‚

    • Ohh thank you so so much – as EVER, you’re amazing. How are you so fantastic at this? Your words just made my day. I’m not alone – I need to remember that.

  26. Ahem.
    1. You are amazing, Elm.
    2. You are not attention seeking, we all feel like shit sometimes.
    3. It’s not your fault that you’re feeling like this, sometimes things just happen like exams and stress.
    4. You’re not a terrible person, please don’t say that.
    5. There are a lot of questions in life and it’s okay if sometimes you can’t answer them. It’s fine to be confused about why you’re feeling like this.
    6. Did I mention your amazingness?

  27. Elm, I feel like you made such a progress the last couple of months. And I am convinced that you managed to dust off the “bad” more than a bit, but you are gonna snap a bit also. It’s hard to pull yourself out of all the depressing, sad, self-loathing times that you had and shared with us, so it’s natural to go back to these feelings from time to time! But to be honest, I feel like you are on the right track and you are doing better than you did in the past… So, stay strong, these things happen! It’s up to you if you wanna go back, get stuck, or go forward! Big big hug! πŸ™‚

  28. THIS IS LITERALLY MY LIFE STORY! I have done fuck all revision, minimal homework, only socialised with friends via text and only met up with my boyfriend minimal times. It’s actually scary how I relate to this as I was having a down day yesterday too thinking the exact same thing, leaving me awake all night over thinking things! I will join the club of being an Unexplained Wreck!

  29. Firstly, you’re problems are not insiginicent! If they are making you down, then it’s a problem, however big or small! Secondly, I can assure that you aren’t a bad friend, and I have totally confidence in saying that I bet nobody else thinks that either. It is “all in your head!” It is 110% normal to feel shitty, and worthless at times and despite this being a cliche, it’s so important to remember that things will indeed “get better.” As time progresses, things that once made you cry yourself to sleep will be nothing but a mascara stained pillow and an old memory. In the least patronising way, “trust me”
    I am always always always here for you and anybody who feels like they’re in the process of hitting rock bottom because there is genuinely, not a lot worse x lots of love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  30. You’re NOT fake, nor are you a horrible person. Do you have ANY idea of what an AMAZING person you are? and your problems, no matter what, are not AT ALL insignificant, nor are you. If you want to let these feelings out then do, heck, You always SHOULD. and don’t for a second even think it’s wrong to write these kind of posts. Because we are always here for you and this is a representation of who you are, this blog. And I think you’re a fricking inspiration, truly. So don’t you DAREEE put yourself down, okay?

What did you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s