What is it with these negative posts DAMNIT

I’m scared.

I’m scared because I’m angry and I feel sick and I’m so so so incredibly angry. I don’t like anger. It hurts to hell, and just why now?

I can’t summarise my thoughts, because I hate writing this, and thoughts are funny things.

Right, I shouldn’t. I just shouldn’t. It’s illogical and I want to SCREAM, and why the FUCK am I posting this?

I hate negativity with ME. People should genuinely, and I do mean that, FOCUS ON OTHER THINGS THAT AREN’T ME. This is just me screaming my thoughts onto a screen.

I feel like I’m whining. Scratch that, I AM whining because there’s nothing to be angry about, nothing to be miserable about, like my heart’s tearing in two and I just can’t. I feel like I’m not allowed, when everyone has worse problems, when I’m trying to do so many things and I’m overloaded and then BAM, I freak, and this shit comes out. Kinda pathetic.

Am I doing this for attention, because I’m attention-deprived, because I’m throwing a hissy fit, GOD I hate I just HATE damnit, I can’t say I hate myself any more.

What. The. Hell. People are gonna worry, so why am I posting this, I don’t want attention, I don’t want I JUST DON’T WANT, and RL people are reading this and they’ll ask me and I swear I’m actually making no sense. It’s funny when I think about it because whenever I do this it just ends up with me disgusted because I wrote THIS shit.

What’s the purpose of doing this? Is it to get my thoughts out, when I’m still so upset and so miserable, and I have been throughout the day, and I’m overreacting to GOD KNOWS WHAT. I wish I could formulate this in a sensible order. My heart hurts.

I’m violent and I upset people without knowing. I don’t WANT to do that and guilt fucking kills. I have no right at all. To say I’m angry, to say I want to punch something, to scream, to say life isn’t fair, to say I’m SAD. Why? Because I need to focus my attention on helping other people.

I am doing everything wrong, and I can’t even say that any more because I’m NOT. That’s so unfair. I’ve got to the point where thinking about myself sends me into a whirlwind of thoughts.

This is selfish. Pointless. Attention-seeking because other people deserve your love right now. They deserve to be comforted and I’m here, bitter and angry and writing a BLOG about it.

How the fuck are people able to put up with me like this? Why can people stand me, when I go from happy to manically angry in a post where I yell at the world?

And DAMN IT, why can’t I just help other people without then whinging and posting something negative on my blog which will make other people feel shit, and then pity me, when there are so many others out there who need you, more than me?

I want you to go out there and speak to someone. Ask them how their day is – it’ll make them happy. Smile at them, or if they’re going through a rough patch, tell them that no matter what, you’re going to stick by them. Go out there and do something amazing, because you all deserve to smile.

From Elm πŸ™‚

73 thoughts on “What is it with these negative posts DAMNIT

  1. If I’m going to do something amazing, I’m going to start by (attempting) to make you feel better. There are so many people in the world that love you, and a lot of them don’t even know you irl! I’ll be the first one to say it! Don’t give up hope, no matter how silly it sounds, reach farther. Dig deeper. You can do anything! And if you feel like you just need your share of hate, I’m with you. No one should ever experience that alone.

  2. Don’t be mad about feeling bad. It is okay. Everyone has times where they just feel bad and hate everything. The best about those times is that they don’t last forever. Just keep in mind it will be over and in the end you will be stronger than you were before. Keep your head up

    • I hope I can. Thank you πŸ™‚ I’m just not okay right now and I want to be okay; I feel like I HAVE to be okay but it’s stupid if I’m not because this isn’t even bad

  3. Ditto hugs. There is an abundance of kindness available. We can care for as many people necessary. We can listen to anyone who needs to talk. You are here and we are here for you. Hope things look better soon. Take care Cally.

    • Thank you, Cally πŸ™‚ It’s so nice of you to support me – I’m just so sad and I wish I could shut that part off so I wouldn’t have to post THIS.

  4. Elm I hate that you feel sad. Don’t feel guilty about blogging it out, it shows reality. I love every single one of your posts. It does not matter if they are negative, because the negative shit is relatable and something we all have to deal with, that is what makes it good to read. It is good to read because it is so raw and real. I really hope you feel better soon. Always here for you πŸ™‚

  5. You are entitled to feel angry and sad and frustrated without having to feel selfish or guilty about it. If everyone deserves to smile, you deserve to smile to and, even if you can’t smile today, maybe you’ll be able to tomorrow (and writing down your thoughts is really therapeutic and helpful so don’t apologise for doing it!!)

    • I’ll try not to πŸ™‚ Thank you. I guess I just feel like a total wreck right now and because people have things going on that make THEM feel bad, I keep thinking it’s unfair for me to post this so publically.

  6. Elm I was reading that and thinking, how can you have the exact same thoughts and feelings as I did last night. The feeling doesnt last. If youre telling me to make someone smile. I want that person to be you. Sometimes its just good to get things off your chest! Chin up Elm! X

  7. hello!!1well, dont feel bad about what you wriet here, because that is the purpose of a blog, its you personal world, and you are the person with sole power over it!!and no one can change that!!if some weirdo mad people have a problem with you, they should all go and fucking die, cos you’re worth it, and we dont feel bad, we understand what you are talking about, because we all are like that at times!!!:Dbye friendie!!Xxx

    • Thank you for that πŸ™‚ Just difficult to remember it, but I’ll try. I just… UGH. I seem to get so irritated at the slightest things, y’know, and WHY DID I POST THIS PUBLICALLY ARGH!!! Sorry eek gotta calm

  8. Don’t feel guilty about blogging when you feel like shit or you’re angry! We follow your blog because we care about you, you have 1000+ people who support you<3 We don't mind if you're making negative posts, all your viewers care about is if you're ok πŸ™‚ Remember, the people who mind don't matter, and the people who matter don't mind πŸ™‚

  9. Hey Elm, don’t feel bad about.. well, feeling bad πŸ™‚ We all do it and it’s important to get all of that crap out of your system and get all that negative mud stuff out, otherwise you are just gonna create a disgusting swamp for yourself to trudge through, and when the happens it feels like we’re stuck in a loop. No matter how deep we can always get out though, so don’t worry it happens to everyone and we’re all here for you. Em, you deserve to smile πŸ˜‰ You’re amazing. This is tootally what a blog is for ^^ If you seem to be stuck and can’t really help yourself, just try your best to make someone else happy- their happiness and smiles spread and before you know it, you’ll be feeling awesome too. It takes a lot of weight off when you’re in a positive environment. Listen to your favorite songs, do what you love, and take deep breaths. I feel you so much, I am having so many of these days all of a sudden it’s crazy. You can totally make it Em, keep your head up high! Cause when there is a storm, there’ll be a rainbow afterwards, I promise you ^^

      • YAAYYY i’m so glad ^^ Your welcome Elm! I’m so happy now ^^ I was having a bad day, but then i saw the most A DORAAABLLE dog in a car. For a second I was jealous cause it was sooo cute and i wanted one, but it made me grin in a snap. Not kidding it was so cute and I love dogs… it’s so weird how the things u like can make u feel better. I can’t get over how cute it was ;v;

      • XD I kept on squealing – out loud actually ^^ Itwassoadorable. It had like those under eye marks, except brown and adorable white fur (yes the fur is also adorable) and it looked soooooo happpyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

  10. Elm….you are SO allowed to feel sad. We all do some point, and you helped teach me that. If you ever need to rant or feel upset, this is definitely the place to do it. We all love you! ❀

  11. Elm listen I do not think you are anything you said in this post. You are just letting out your feelings to us and we want to help we want to hear what you have to say. And we don’t want you to stress other people thinking that you are selfish or anything. You are so kind, sweet, funny, smart, loyal, and genuinely our friend and we care about you. If you ever have an off day just tell us and we will make sure to be there for you. We love you Elm you are truly amazing and one of my favorite bloggers. ❀ -Liss

    • And you’re about one of my favourite PEOPLE right now. Thank you so so much; didn’t I say you always cheered me up? Well, it’s right. You’re bloody amazing, the pair of you πŸ™‚

  12. Don’t be upset at yourself because you feel this way. You are not looking for attention, and we all know it. You’re allowed to feel any way you want. You’re allowed to feel whatever you want whenever you want.. you just have to accept that yourself. You are an amazing person, and no one can tell me that you are not. Take some time to yourself. Be self-centered and rant whenever you need to. You deserve to be asked how you feel, even though you are always the one who is asking. Keep your head up ❀

    • I’ll try my best, and you’re helping with that. It’s so difficult to remember to focus on myself though, when I’m telling myself it’s not okay to. But I’ll get past it. Thanks for that lovely comment; it means so much to me πŸ™‚

  13. *sends a carton of virtual ice cream* *sits down next to you* *very tight hug* these are just down days. You’ll feel better soon πŸ™‚

  14. Cool. Ya know what I got from this post? You seem to think we won’t accept you for a negative post and you also feel like you’re seeking attention and also you didn’t want to post this. The first two aren’t true at all. Why the hell would we follow you if we weren’t going to accept all of you, including the bad bits? And getting your feelings out isn’t attention seeking. And it’s always your choice as to whether you post something or not but it’s better than bottling up feelings. *virtual hugs*

  15. Elm, you deserve to smile too! You’re not attention seeking, you’re just going through a rough time. Keep your head held high and you will get through this. It will pass in time. Hope you’re okay xx

  16. I’ll offer myself as an ear if you need to, but I’m sure you have plenty of friends here ready to help πŸ™‚ you’re amazing and you are allowed to feel like crap, but don’t forget to feel like a goddess once in a while πŸ˜‰

  17. People don’t need to ‘put up with you’ Elm. We all follow your blog as your are an amazing writer and we all inspire our blogs to be as successful as yours.
    I was going to send you an email about guest posting and whether you would be interested in it again, or not as we have already done one. Your call.
    xo
    http://www.beautyanionn.wordpress.com

  18. What you need is a good long hug and a cry/scream/something to punch. And you probably don’t need a random person on the internet trying to tell you what you need… Sorry :/ But honestly, you are allowed to be upset. You are allowed to be angry, and to hate. It might not be pleasant, but ALL your emotions are valid, not just the pretty ones, okay? xx

  19. we don’t AT ALL EVEN FOR A MOMENT think that you’re an attention seeker. And we do, ALL of us have days when we feel upset and you NEED to know that it’s ABSOLUTELY fine and don’t you worry about helping others. You’re not whiny. You’re just venting. And that is absolutely okay and VERY good for you

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