I’m writing whilst SUPPOSED to be doing music, but we have no teacher right now, so here I am.
I’m a bit angry and upset, I won’t lie, because of a TINY situation that happened before my music lesson.
I was walking down the corridor with Odd and my physics teacher came up to us, asking if we were prepared for the test this afternoon. Odd had forgotten about it, so I said I’d revise with them this lunch. Then, some of the boys in our class came up – I respect them a little because I have no reason to dislike them – and all I remember was one of them half-snapping, “We knew nothing about this, and you give her special treatment.”
I just… Why?
My physics teacher is lovely, and understands me so much more than most of the kids in my class. She’s seen me absolutely freak out when I couldn’t do work, and me not understanding something has lead to her talking it out with me. I have no one next to me in the lesson, only one boy who sits a seat away from me (right now I’m guessing he doesn’t want to sit next to me, but maybe I’m wrong). It just upsets me so much that they’d think that was “special treatment”.
Am I arrogant? Do I show off? Am I unsociable, socially awkward, because I’m in a group people consider “weird” and should I just try and be… Better? WHY is this even an issue?
That guy sits behind me. He’s nice from what I can tell, talking to people around him. I’ve stopped bothering trying to get involved in their conversations, just stopped bothering trying to make friends with them even THOUGH they’re great people. If they think that about me, why the HELL should I bother? I guess I just don’t really care about being popular – GOD that’s cynical of me.
It’s the blind thing, as sad as that is. It’s so rare that I’d EVER get offended because of something to do with it, that I might as well call a halt on everything when I do. I literally DO NOT CARE that I’m blind, usually, and it doesn’t affect me because it’s never been an issue with my friends. I know it can make me seem weird to other people, but I thought they’d grown up by now. I thought I’D grown up enough not to be sad that they don’t like me, or that they think certain things about me.
It’s not that I’m blind – that’s just the root cause, the reason why I sometimes need help with PHYSICS, especially, because there are diagrams and I panic occasionally. My physics teacher sees that, understands it, and it makes people think I’m favoured, when I’m not. I’m just not.
This is making me so sad, because I don’t want people to think this of me. I am NEVER picked on, but there are just asumptions that I’m a teacher’s pet, a nerd, when everyone was told about the test anyway. Am I making this out to be bigger than it is?
Why am I upset? I know it’s only the tiniest percentage of my physics class that thinks I’m weird, not a good learning partner, and that they can’t talk to me. But that percentage is the one that counts, the one that can seriously upset you.
People will ALWAYS make assumptions about others, but please, just try to get to know them first. Sometimes things aren’t their fault and they’re just trying to do the best they can with the things they have, and it doesn’t help if people don’t like them for it.
If you’re in a similar situation, it’s not your fault. It’s nothing bad about you, because you’re fantastic, and people just try to find reasons to dislike people because they don’t understand them. Let me say that again – IT’s NOT YOUR FAULT. People are people and you are you, and you shouldn’t change that just to make other people like you more.
I can’t stand posting about blindness, because usually it just doesn’t bother me. I suppose people thinking that the teacher somehow favours me, looks out for me more, has shaken me. In life, I’m GOING to be disliked, but I didn’t think it would be because of this.
It’s so stupid.
Have you experienced something like this? I don’t want to change myself, to make myself less studious or to try and “fit in”, but I’m just upset. I wish I wasn’t affected because this is only a small thing.
From Elm 🙂