I Guess I Knew They Thought That, But…

I’m writing whilst SUPPOSED to be doing music, but we have no teacher right now, so here I am.

I’m a bit angry and upset, I won’t lie, because of a TINY situation that happened before my music lesson.

I was walking down the corridor with Odd and my physics teacher came up to us, asking if we were prepared for the test this afternoon. Odd had forgotten about it, so I said I’d revise with them this lunch. Then, some of the boys in our class came up – I respect them a little because I have no reason to dislike them – and all I remember was one of them half-snapping, “We knew nothing about this, and you give her special treatment.”

I just… Why?

My physics teacher is lovely, and understands me so much more than most of the kids in my class. She’s seen me absolutely freak out when I couldn’t do work, and me not understanding something has lead to her talking it out with me. I have no one next to me in the lesson, only one boy who sits a seat away from me (right now I’m guessing he doesn’t want to sit next to me, but maybe I’m wrong). It just upsets me so much that they’d think that was “special treatment”.

Am I arrogant? Do I show off? Am I unsociable, socially awkward, because I’m in a group people consider “weird” and should I just try and be… Better? WHY is this even an issue?

That guy sits behind me. He’s nice from what I can tell, talking to people around him. I’ve stopped bothering trying to get involved in their conversations, just stopped bothering trying to make friends with them even THOUGH they’re great people. If they think that about me, why the HELL should I bother? I guess I just don’t really care about being popular – GOD that’s cynical of me.

It’s the blind thing, as sad as that is. It’s so rare that I’d EVER get offended because of something to do with it, that I might as well call a halt on everything when I do. I literally DO NOT CARE that I’m blind, usually, and it doesn’t affect me because it’s never been an issue with my friends. I know it can make me seem weird to other people, but I thought they’d grown up by now. I thought I’D grown up enough not to be sad that they don’t like me, or that they think certain things about me.

It’s not that I’m blind – that’s just the root cause, the reason why I sometimes need help with PHYSICS, especially, because there are diagrams and I panic occasionally. My physics teacher sees that, understands it, and it makes people think I’m favoured, when I’m not. I’m just not.

This is making me so sad, because I don’t want people to think this of me. I am NEVER picked on, but there are just asumptions that I’m a teacher’s pet, a nerd, when everyone was told about the test anyway. Am I making this out to be bigger than it is?

Why am I upset? I know it’s only the tiniest percentage of my physics class that thinks I’m weird, not a good learning partner, and that they can’t talk to me. But that percentage is the one that counts, the one that can seriously upset you.

People will ALWAYS make assumptions about others, but please, just try to get to know them first. Sometimes things aren’t their fault and they’re just trying to do the best they can with the things they have, and it doesn’t help if people don’t like them for it.

If you’re in a similar situation, it’s not your fault. It’s nothing bad about you, because you’re fantastic, and people just try to find reasons to dislike people because they don’t understand them. Let me say that again – IT’s NOT YOUR FAULT. People are people and you are you, and you shouldn’t change that just to make other people like you more.

I can’t stand posting about blindness, because usually it just doesn’t bother me. I suppose people thinking that the teacher somehow favours me, looks out for me more, has shaken me. In life, I’m GOING to be disliked, but I didn’t think it would be because of this.

It’s so stupid.

Have you experienced something like this? I don’t want to change myself, to make myself less studious or to try and “fit in”, but I’m just upset. I wish I wasn’t affected because this is only a small thing.

From Elm πŸ™‚

59 thoughts on “I Guess I Knew They Thought That, But…

  1. I completely get your situation because I’ve been in it a number of times. All I can say is that sometimes people get jealous and say things like ‘teachers pet’ or whatever. But you just be you and bask in your AWESOMENESS, okay?

  2. Awww don’t be upset,dear!! It was not your fault at all. In my opinion,you should not change yourself or who you actually are ’cause of others! πŸ™‚

  3. Hmm, let them say what they want to say, caz in the end they arent the ones going to help you, its you yourself and perhaps the teacher who helps you out. Its ok to feel like this, but dont think about it too much πŸ™‚ there is nothing wrong with being a teachers pet or a nerd unless one is getting favours done.

  4. I get that situation. I do. It is hard. It’s also hard to not recognize that it isn’t somebody’s fault.
    This is a great post, I love how you write about all these hard things, in such a relatable way.

  5. i think they’re immature if they cant recognize that as a teacher its your job to cater to your children’s individual needs; as someone with a disability it is literally your teachers job to give you extra help. your teacher sounds so lovely that i bet if they just asked for extra help theyd get it . sigh

  6. There is no need to change yourself for others. Take it from someone who did, and ended up feeling worse for doing so. You lose who you are when you do. It may be hard, but stay true to who you are! πŸ™‚

  7. gosh, sometimes I just don’t know what to say about posts- I’m sorry this happened, people suck :/ I love your message though- and I love how you turned this into something positive- good for you! I agree if people are like this, it’s not your fault, it’s on them and you should just go on being you cos that’s what you do best πŸ™‚ (if that makes sense) One thing my brother says that he learnt when he was in the army is that when you aim a gun, you point one finger at your target and you point three fingers back at yourself. It’s the same when you criticise people- when you try to point out someone else’s flaws you’re actually showing yourself up. More often than not these people are pointing out what they don’t like in themselves.

  8. They really need to understand that the teacher is there to help every students need. Some have more needs than others and they need to understand that. Just ignore them.

  9. You are a lovely person and if some people can’t see that or don’t even try to see it, it’s THEIR loss, not yours! There are missing out on having you, the nicest person ever, as a friend so I feel sorry for their ignorance. You are great Elm, and don’t you ever forget that!

  10. Elm, you are one of the nicest bloggers I know, and I’m sure you’re a great person too! People like that are not worth it, seriously. You’re not “special treatment” unless you’re counting special as amazing. You’re really clever, you write like an actual author and you’re always so kind to everybody! It doesn’t make you different from anyone else, because it took me ages before I actually realised that you were blind. Ignore people like that, because they’re not your true friends. Xxx

  11. Never, ever change yourself for anyone else except you. You are who you are, and as long as YOU like who you are then everyone else can just fuck off if they don’t like it πŸ˜‰ xx

  12. Some people try to base their faults off of you. Just because they don’t ask questions and you do, doesn’t mean you’re getting special treatment. It means that you are getting the best out of your education which is what teachers are there for. This happens in my school. Some people say that our teachers only help the smarter students which I kind of understand because our principal really only cares the school’s success rate. However some teachers are genuinely really nice and the reason they help the smarter people is because they are the ones that ask questions (making them smarter). This probably doesn’t make any sense hahaha but I hope I got my opinion across πŸ™‚

  13. Its so silly that they believe you get special treatment. I think it actually shows who cares more about their education the fact that you don’t expect help-you ask for it. They don’t understand from your point of view and if they were in the same position, they would understand too. Don’t let people like that feel like your education is worthy as it is and its important that you understand, so your doing the right thing. Your teacher sounds lovely πŸ™‚

  14. This is beautiful and relatable. You’re a lovely little soul, my friend. Your words reflect the same. And it’s not your fault at all. πŸ™‚
    I do hope you’ll check out my blog too. πŸ˜€
    Best wishes.

  15. I know you have probably read this a million times (I read the other comments ;)) but still I need to say this- you are AWESOME, they are AWFUL. You don’t deserve to be commented on by such ignorant people. Just remember that. Okay? OKAY?
    πŸ˜€

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