It’s Good that I Didn’t Post Yesterday

On my blog twitter, yesterday, I posted about three tweets – you can go and have a look – where I said I wasn’t feeling okay, but not to worry and that I would post about it tomorrow (AKA today).

On my part, that was a sensible decision because I was miserable at the time and anything I wrote would be so negative, not make sense and ultimately cause me more pain than I was in at the time. BEFORE YOU ASK, no, nothing bad has happened. I just thought a lot and those thoughts made me upset.

Last night, I sat for about half an hour, listening to music and just feeling awful because I was thinking about the past. I thought about Ash, Cassia, even fucking PALM and Birch – look at this page to find out who they are – and the songs I listened to, I remember, were ones I had listened to before. By before, I mean about a year and a half ago, where I sat in the dark, shaking (GOD I remember that time so clearly), and I was in love for the first time and just… Why? I don’t get why everything just slammed into my brain yesterday.

I couldn’t really think: the thoughts just washed over me, feelings of sadness and missed opportunity. It brought me back to different times, different feelings and when I thought about different people, and I think that’s what hurt. For once, I didn’t beat myself up about the Ash situation – I just let myself feel every negative emotion I could, to get it out, and to just LET myself feel without hating myself.

I was angry, furious, upset, resigned, hopeless.

But I’m NOT, any more. Not today. Not once I went to sleep and woke up, without that awful cloud over me. I mean it didn’t help that I found out that Ash got into a fight with someone significantly smaller than him, he lost and broke his nose – in this case, he deserved it. I didn’t get the awful stab of pain I sometimes get when I think about him hurting. I just… All those emotions had been felt yesterday. They’ll come back, but at least for today I know that I have NO feelings of loyalty to him any more.

And that’s okay. It’s MORE than okay because slowly, I’m admitting to myself that he was HORRIBLE, perhaps for a reason but perhaps not for one either. It might seem obvious to you, but it will always take time for me.

To sum up, I’m okay. I’m so happy that I’m okay, because sometimes, you just have to let yourself feel emotions. Don’t think you’re awful for it. I might not have been the most sensible in my methods for making myself feel – AKA forcing myself to feel emotional pain – but that’s just ME.

Don’t lock things inside. You need to let things out, and tell yourself that doing that is OKAY.

I hope you’ve had an amazing day, because you deserve it. I want you to learn from the things I’ve done, and you’ve done – that’s why I tell you all these things, why I’m so raw and sometimes negative on here. Life isn’t all roses and sunshine, but neither is it all despair and loneliness.

From Elm πŸ™‚

44 thoughts on “It’s Good that I Didn’t Post Yesterday

  1. Aw, I’m so sorry for you! I’m glad you’re feeling better though. Stay happy and strong πŸ™‚

      • You are honest. If people have a hard time with that then it is up to them to deal with the situation. Not you. Be sure to surround yourself with people who encourage you to be the best you. Not those that want to complicate things. πŸ™‚

  2. I definitely learned things from your posts! So even if you made mistakes and been through hard times, which is unfortunate, by writting about it, you helped not only yourself, but also your readers! I am sorry and I hope you are better now! πŸ™‚

    • I really am πŸ™‚ Thank you so much – I just want to help people, honestly, and if I’ve achieved that then that makes my day.

  3. Strange as this may sound, last night ultimately sounds like a good thing, a positive thing. Not a happy thing, but maybe something that will help you, moving forward. Hope you’re okay. x

  4. Well, I’m just glad you’re okay. πŸ™‚

    Seeing people get okay is always such a happy thing, it makes you believe that good things DO happen.

  5. This is why I love your posts. I love how you’re able to take any situation that you’ve been through and turn it into something inspirational for us to read. I admire that so much!

    • God, you have no idea how much that means to me, that you’d say that about ME – thank you so so much, Bella. You’re truly amazing πŸ™‚

  6. I’m so happy your feeling better and happier today Elm. Always wait 24 hours after being angry, mad or upset because if you don’t feel any of those emotions after a day-its not worth it to act on them. Whenever I fall into those thoughtful and sad moods, I try to listen to happier music that don’t remind me of any event or person, trust me it works! Glad your feeling better now! πŸ™‚ x

    • That’s a good idea – I just lock myself into a loop sometimes. Thank you, Tash πŸ™‚ You’ve been there for me so much these past few months and that’s so lovely of you.

      • Its okay, Elm! We all fall into the loop sometimes and we need each other to pick ourselves back up. OF COURSE I’d be there for you, your so lovely to be too so thank you for everything too.

  7. I’m so glad you feel better. It’s time to quote you again! “Life isn’t all roses and sunshine, but neither is it all despair and loneliness.” >:) I love how you gather wisdom from your experiences. It’s like being on your journey and learning soo much and you word things so welll I want to melt ^^ (in a good way… like… idk like chocolate :D)

  8. Sweetheart 😦 is there anything we can do to make you happy? We send lots of virtual hugs xxx

  9. I’m glad you’re feeling better! Sometimes people change, or sometimes we see things in them we didn’t see before, but that’s a part of life. And letting your emotions out is good, or at least better than balling them all up, pretending that they’re not there – only to let them hit 10x worse. Don’t worry about being negative, I’m sure many people in the blogging community want to see you happy, so if you’re upset, we’ll try to help you through it.
    And this post wasn’t very negative. πŸ˜‰ It has a lot of great aspects to it and lots of advice and wisdom we all need in our lives.

  10. Hey, I know it can be traumatizing to think about the past but I’m so so SO glad you managed to help yourself through that dark cloud above your head. I’m proud of you and you should be proud of you too.

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