Today, I realised that I’m closer with my friend Willow than I think I’ve ever been before. We’ve known each other for 5 years, been through so much crap together – yet it’s now that I realise just how much I love her (platonically).
We were in PE together, “exercising”, and just talking. Red was there too, and at times we got all emotional. She’s absolutely amazing.
There’s a story she wanted me to share with you – well, she said I could. I told her people would be supportive of her, because you’re all my friends and you’re all brilliant. Willow and I have been through a LOT, and neither of us wants any of it to repeat – she never wants me to get hurt by anything like what happened with Ash again, and I never want her to feel as awful as she did in what I’m about to talk about. After talking, and also talking with Red about it, we hugged a lot and I felt like crying because she, of all people, understands me so much.
So, this is something that happened to Willow, not long ago. And, well, my thoughts on it.
Willow used to fancy this guy, let’s call him T. T didn’t like her like that, and – understandably – she was damn upset. In a similar fashion to what I’ve done before, she started talking to people on the internet – there’s nothing wrong with it, and she needed to get over T.
There was a boy. Let’s use his real name – Anthony. To start, Anthony was lovely, and amazing and kind to her, and god knows she deserves that. After a while, he asked her for pictures.
First time, she said no. Second time, she said no. The THIRD time, she said yes – it might seem stupid to you, but in her situation, I don’t blame her. He seemed lovely and to genuinely care about her.
They exchanged pictures, and skyped, and afterwards she felt sick with herself but she did it again, because she felt like he would never talk to her again if she didn’t. He seemed like he wanted a relationship, that it was MORE than casual. As you can tell, I damn well hate this guy, though I’ve never spoken to him.
She blocked him, but then unblocked him for a little while (think that’s how it went?). They exchanged pictures again, but he screenshotted them – after this, she blocked him. Permanently.
It’s messed her up and it breaks my heart because she blames herself. I’m trying to tell her – it’s not her fault. She is an amazing, amazing girl, and she was manipulated by someone when she was hurt beforehand.
I’ve seen how it’s affected her – she told me about the tears, the pain, and I can’t help but support her. I know a little what it’s like to think EVERYTHING is your fault, and no one should have to go through that. She might have made a mistake, but she’s learning from it and that’s the important part.
I think we all need to experience something like this, to KNOW. It’s no use judging people, for what they do and what they send, because you never know if they regret it or feel sick with themselves. Originally, when Anthony was nice to her, I was in support because she – and I – didn’t know what he was like. That’s what happens in life, really.
I guess the message here is that everyone does stupid things, but don’t beat yourself up about it. I know that Willow and I have sometimes not been the best – that post I wrote a while back about her leaving my group and being a stranger (which she read, but we both grew up and understand each other now) just SHOWS that.
Really, though, I appreciate her so much more now. We’re so alike, in what we’ve been through – I’ll admit it, I’ve done some VERY stupid things and no one knows about them hahaha shiiit… Anyway.
If you’ve been in a similar situation to Willow, it’s not your fault. Know that whatever you go through, all the pain and the confusion and the disgust with yourself – that’s what teaches you things. You’re brave, you’re strong and you’re bloody amazing for dealing with everything you’ve gone through) That applies to everyone.
From Elm 🙂