Not My Story

Today, I realised that I’m closer with my friend Willow than I think I’ve ever been before. We’ve known each other for 5 years, been through so much crap together – yet it’s now that I realise just how much I love her (platonically).

We were in PE together, “exercising”, and just talking. Red was there too, and at times we got all emotional. She’s absolutely amazing.

There’s a story she wanted me to share with you – well, she said I could. I told her people would be supportive of her, because you’re all my friends and you’re all brilliant. Willow and I have been through a LOT, and neither of us wants any of it to repeat – she never wants me to get hurt by anything like what happened with Ash again, and I never want her to feel as awful as she did in what I’m about to talk about. After talking, and also talking with Red about it, we hugged a lot and I felt like crying because she, of all people, understands me so much.

So, this is something that happened to Willow, not long ago. And, well, my thoughts on it.

Willow used to fancy this guy, let’s call him T. T didn’t like her like that, and – understandably – she was damn upset. In a similar fashion to what I’ve done before, she started talking to people on the internet – there’s nothing wrong with it, and she needed to get over T.

There was a boy. Let’s use his real name – Anthony. To start, Anthony was lovely, and amazing and kind to her, and god knows she deserves that. After a while, he asked her for pictures.

First time, she said no. Second time, she said no. The THIRD time, she said yes – it might seem stupid to you, but in her situation, I don’t blame her. He seemed lovely and to genuinely care about her.

They exchanged pictures, and skyped, and afterwards she felt sick with herself but she did it again, because she felt like he would never talk to her again if she didn’t. He seemed like he wanted a relationship, that it was MORE than casual. As you can tell, I damn well hate this guy, though I’ve never spoken to him.

She blocked him, but then unblocked him for a little while (think that’s how it went?). They exchanged pictures again, but he screenshotted them – after this, she blocked him. Permanently.

It’s messed her up and it breaks my heart because she blames herself. I’m trying to tell her – it’s not her fault. She is an amazing, amazing girl, and she was manipulated by someone when she was hurt beforehand.

I’ve seen how it’s affected her – she told me about the tears, the pain, and I can’t help but support her. I know a little what it’s like to think EVERYTHING is your fault, and no one should have to go through that. She might have made a mistake, but she’s learning from it and that’s the important part.

I think we all need to experience something like this, to KNOW. It’s no use judging people, for what they do and what they send, because you never know if they regret it or feel sick with themselves. Originally, when Anthony was nice to her, I was in support because she – and I – didn’t know what he was like. That’s what happens in life, really.

I guess the message here is that everyone does stupid things, but don’t beat yourself up about it. I know that Willow and I have sometimes not been the best – that post I wrote a while back about her leaving my group and being a stranger (which she read, but we both grew up and understand each other now) just SHOWS that.

Really, though, I appreciate her so much more now. We’re so alike, in what we’ve been through – I’ll admit it, I’ve done some VERY stupid things and no one knows about them hahaha shiiit… Anyway.

If you’ve been in a similar situation to Willow, it’s not your fault. Know that whatever you go through, all the pain and the confusion and the disgust with yourself – that’s what teaches you things. You’re brave, you’re strong and you’re bloody amazing for dealing with everything you’ve gone through) That applies to everyone.

From Elm πŸ™‚

45 thoughts on “Not My Story

  1. I’m glad Willow has a friend like you Elm, she really does need someone like you in her life just as you need her. That guy sounds like an utter dick :/ people like that can really fuck someone over especially when they’ve gained your trust so I hope she’s okay.
    You’re right, there’s no point in beating yourself up about the mistakes you make because I guess you need them (even though the effects can be really shit) to learn from it and grow.

    • Exactly. As much as it hurts, sometimes, you have to know the pain to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Thanks so much for that comment – Willow just needs support, honestly, and if I can give that to her, that means the world.

  2. Willow is really lucky to have you. That experience sucks. Anthony sounds like a jerk and he should stay out of both of your lives permanently.

  3. People don’t understand that these people who share pictures of themselves think that the person who they are showing them care and love them, it’s understandable why Willow did it. She’s really lucky to have you as a friend πŸ™‚

  4. It must feel so terrible to be in a position like that for Willow. Nobody deserves to feel like that and that she trusted Anthony just makes it even more painful. Thank god she has you to talk with. Friends are exactly what you need in times like this. I hope all goes well for her xx

  5. Elm, thank you so so much for writing this. It means a lot to have a friend like you, I’m SO lucky to have you and I’m sorry for all of the shit I put you through over the years. I love you (platonically) and always will. -Willow

  6. Oh god Elm, I feel so sorry for that poor girl. Make sure your friend knows that we do not regard her as anything less than we would have before. I hope that one-day she will be okay again ❀

  7. She is lucky to have you! πŸ™‚ Sorry though for what happend 😦 And you have just proven over and over again how that good and kind side of you it’s so stronger than any doubts you have about yourself!

    • Seriously? God, that’s so weird! But honestly, your friend should know at that you’re always going to be by her side. You’re amazing

  8. That sucks that happened, that guy seems like such a jerk! I’ve had a similar-ish experience happen to me, but I never told any of my friends because I knew they would judge me. Willow is lucky she has you to help her through this experience. πŸ™‚

  9. That was truly the most terrible thing one could ever experience in their life. I don’t even want to IMAGINE what it must’ve been like for her. I’m so so very glad for both of you. You were there for her, and im sure she too will always be there for you. True friendship indeed.

  10. I understand EXACTLY how she feels – except, the guy didn’t screenshot or anything. I just told about the whole situation, and now I feel like a blithering idiot for doing that! Because now that he belongs to the group of people I don’t consider best friends anymore, they probably toss this story around to each other like its something to be said during a campfire. For al I know, I’m probably being called with a LOT of degrading names.
    But it doesn’t bother me, I guess? What has happened, has happened. If anything, because the guy was being genuinely nice about it, I took it as a learning experience.
    If it weren’t for that situation, I wouldn’t have learned to accept my body for what it is. I haven’t accepted it fully – but I can always defend my body.
    She’s VERY lucky to have a friend like you, Elm. πŸ™‚
    She’s not alone.

  11. On a serious note, I’m really disgusted to share a name with such swine. What happened was his fault, Willow. Don’t blame yourself for him being a shitty manipulative person. You made a mistake, so what?! We all do. Who’s the bad guy here? He is. He’s the one who should feel bad. I hope you feel better now, I know it’s hard, I know you’re worried, but look at Elm. She’s your friend, she found out about this story, and she still loves you. That should clearly make you see that the people who love still do no matter what.

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