I was thinking about my personality today and got terrified, and then ran down the self-loathing road. I think I need to talk about it to make myself feel better, and to let myself FEEL the emotions.
I’ll just say it: I think about people in a romantic light way too quickly. It’s not that I “fancy” them – I just think, “What would it be like?”
And I truly hate that side of me. The part of me that fucking SWOONS when anyone’s nice to them. I don’t even know how to articulate this. What I do is I talk to someone, then think they’re nice and all that, and THEN invest my time and emotion into them, but not ALL my time and emotion, because the rest is devoted for curiosity about other people, my friends and my hobbies. I’m not committed, and I fixate on people and JUST NO
I’m just… What the hell? I’m confused and angry because there are about 3 people, right now, I could see myself “fancying” (that word makes me feel sick), but then the entire cycle will repeat again.
The worst part is that I recently broke up with Aspen, and what person moves on that quickly and considers other people THAT QUICKLY? It’s not respectful to him, it’s not okay and I’m not okay with me being like this.
It’s scary and confusing because I have no idea what I feel, and I DON’T want a relationship. I have no idea what I want or what’s right to feel and my head is a total mess.
Like I said, there are people who are amazing and great and I NEED to wait all these feelings out so I know which ones are real, and which ones are just brought on by the fact that people were nice to me.
I don’t know. I’m scared that feelings will run away with me, but I NEED to focus on my schoolwork and everything like that. Hating myself has to be pushed to the back of my mind, because really, I don’t exactly care enough to go on an I-hate-myself rampage.
Does anyone else have this, where they love too fast, and hate themselves too fast afterwards? Because that’s my problem.
From Elm 🙂
It’s part of who you are. It’s either no big deal, or it’s your natural course, trying to open new opportunities into your life 🙂
I hope so 🙂 When you look at it like that, it’s not so bad. Thank you!
Of course!
yess!!sames here!!except ive only ever had loads of stupid crushes!!but, still, people my age dont really go and have boyfriends, either lol!
I know the feeling! 🙂
yeah, IKR!!
so, hows life?
Quite good! VERY tiring but I’m managing. You?
ohh thats great!!me?im MEANt to be doing my science badger task about the food chains and food webs in a rock pool,m aiming at a level 7, but being me, i am logged into wordpress, at the same time as writing it up.not the best idea, but oh well, its my obsession lol!
HAHA YES that is brilliant! 😀
yeah, loads of fun!!dont think its very teacher approved, tho, but its my life not theirs so who gives a fuck lol!
SO true!!!
lol, you got loads of w too??
I get what you mean! Sometimes you look at someone and wonder what it would be like, and I have done that, but mainly with one guy, who just so happens to be one of my best friends and has a girlfriend. There was a time when something was going to happen between us, but it didn’t. I still have feelings for him but shhh 😉 Haha!
I hope things work out! Just stay strong, no matter what 🙂 I loved a best friend (well, good friend) before.
Thanks! People say I am better for him then she is anyway. Oh well! Oh and it feels weird doesn’t it to like a really good friend?
YES it really does!
I wish I had never liked him now! Haha!
Ahh well, you can’t turn off feelings!
That is very true! 🙂
Oh, Elm. I have never met anyone who is this much like me. It’s just so easy to consider falling in love with everyone, and it’s always in the back of my mind. Maybe we’re just too romantic. And the hating-yourself part I totally understand, especially how it needs to be pushed away because of schoolwork. To be honest, I’ve never gotten any good advice about this, but at least we know other people think the same way.
Oh my god, you understand me. THANK YOU. I just consider things with everyone, sort of “testing the waters” and I just feel this disgust.
You are NOT alone, Elm. I jumped into this relationship way too fast a while back and I still don’t get what really happened. I guess we’re just hopeless romantics or something like that!
I think so. I HOPE so 🙂 And I know how you feel – at least we’re not alone.
Exactly! 🙂
I know exactly how you are feeling! I’m in the same position as you at the moment. I had this kinda thing with this guy (who kinda friend-zoned me) but he liked me (I think anyway). Anyway, it’s ended but I like another person now but I don’t know if it’s too early for that or not. I don’t want a relationship either but it seems like I fancy someone now. I have no idea why but I’m trying to like say that I don’t have a crush on them to myself.
YES I get how this feels too. I’m just so scared I’m doing this wrong? Also I hope you’re feeling okay from the friendzoning.
I’m actually pretty okay about it now. I was upset and listening to the heartbroken playlist on spotify but it’s all fine 🙂
I’m glad you’re okay now! You’re never alone in situations like this 🙂
Thankyou 🙂
I can tell you that I feel the exact same and I hate it too !
I’m glad I’m not alone! We’ll get through it.
I always make up romantic Storys of people I just met or would never want to have a relationship with in my mind. It is so weird and I hate that I do it. Sometimes I ask myself what the hell is wrong with me
There’s nothing WRONG with you, because I do it too. ALL THE TIME.
You’re not alone, I do that too! And then I start feeling disgusted with myself but I can’t stop 😦
YES I know how that feels!
I totally understand you!!! I do have this crush, he is a really sweet and kinda cheeky boy in our class. Now, we both kinda like each other, and both of us know it. But I think its getting serious now, which I dont want it to be! Like, I think of him and smile, then I tell myself that I don’t want any relationship, and end up hating myself for liking him in the first place. But the thing is, you can’t control love, but you can control hate. So just stop hating yourself! Its natural for a teenager. Once when this boy liked me but I seriously hated him, I told my Mom all about it. She said that teenage is probably the time for crushes. (She didn’t say that exactly, but you get the idea!) So dont worry and STOP HATING YOURSELF!
I’ll try – thank you for that! That really cheered me up 🙂 Good luck with the thing with the guy! Hope it turns out alright.
I mean, I can’t say I exactly understand you… I think EVERYONE is cute as hell. But I never actually feel things for them — even if I wish I did, which sort of sucks. I’m worried that I’m never going to fall in love. (A crazy thing to worry about, I know. But I am slight hopeless romantic even though I don’t really know what romance is. *shrugs*)
I HAVE TALKED A LOT ABOUT ME NOW ahaha. *splooshes out angsty feelings* But I don’t think it’s weird at all — we’re all different! And I see a ton of other people in the comments seem to get you, which is cool.
What’s cool is you expressing your feelings 🙂 I can’t I understand what it feels like, but I understand being confused and WANTING other things.
If you feel yourself moving on then that is a good thing, no matter how quickly as you don’t know what he is feeling either. Before I got with my boyfriend I would do the same, thats if I remember correctly because I have been with him for 11 months, but what matter is that if your happy doing what your doing then you shouldn’t worry! P.s have you considered your guest post for my blog?
x
OH GOSH I forgot about that! Sorry!!! Xxx
Don’t worry x
Hey, man, different people feel ‘love’ in different ways- and yours is just as good as someone else’s. Who cares if you love too quickly or too easily; as long as it makes you happy in the end, it’s fine.
I hope you’re right. Thanks so much 🙂
Course I’m right- I always am 🙂
Everyone is different with their feelings, and it’s okay to feel how you are, since that is you. If you are ready to move on or not, then that is truly just up to you. 🙂
Exactly – just difficult to remember that, and not run away with feelings. Thank you so much though!
It’s nice to keep an open mind and not be tied down so much by a break up as such. You shouldn’t put yourself down for this …”too fast” is defined differently for everyone! Let’s take it out of context…completing my homework in one hour might be too fast for me but too slow for someone else.
That analogy honestly really helps 🙂 Thank you. I just beat myself up about things ALL THE TIME.
Beat yourself up about the fact that you are unique. Special. And one of a kind.
Thank you so much 🙂
You’re amazing – don’t hate to fast, instead love yourself faster
EXACTLY. I’ll try my best – thank you!
Most of our thoughts are exactly that – just thoughts. Don’t be too upset with yourself, you can’t control what goes on in your head, but you CAN control how you react to it xx
Exactly xx Just difficult to remember that. I’ll try my best though – thank you!
No problem! Xx
I hate myself without the love-part. You’re not alone, I’m sorry for what you feel. I wish there was something I could do 😦
And I wanna help you too 😦
I do the same exact thing…which makes things stupidly complicated, because then my way-to overimaginative brain think that I like them. It’s not fun.
NO it isn’t. ARGH I’m so glad I’m not alone!
omg everyone here is like ‘ME TOO’ but I’m like ‘hehe. as if’ XD it’s part of who you are and it’s not always a bad thing! It’s up to you to make the choices in the end. 🙂
Gahhh you’re so right! Thank you, Luna! Xx
Dude, I relate so much. I wish I could give you advice but I honestly don’t know how to solve this problem. 😦 I am here if you’d like to rant, though.
And same for you! It’s so tricky, but we’ll get through it, eh?
You may think that you’re the only one who experiences this, but believe me, you’re NOT. It’s completely OKAY to feel like you’ve got multiple crushes. You’re not in trouble!
AHHH thank you! I NEEDED that 🙂
That’s okay:)