Yesterday, a friend of mine spontaneously called me up, just for a chat, and asked me: “Are you okay?” To which I replied, “Yeah?” After a pause. “Yeah… Um, I, no.”
He’s become a really good friend over the past few months (after I stopped being a total dick to him), but it was a total shock for someone to just ask me that. I hadn’t really thought about it – I said I wasn’t okay, but really thinking about it was another matter.
After what happened on Friday, it’s fine for me not to be okay. I’ve realised that. It’s no one’s fault – not Rapunzel’s because she’s amazing and I have so much respect for her, and not my own, because I think anyone would be miserable after a breakup. That’s fine and I’m slowly dealing with this in my own way.
Ivy came round yesterday too, and I spoke to her about all of it, and told her what I was going to do to try and make myself feel a little better. She helped me laugh, and we had a great time as we always do. That, coupled with the chat I had with my other friend, made me think on everything today. I was feeling so sad when I was at Rose and Poppy’s, until I kicked myself into shape and decided: I’ll tell YOU. I’ll write a list, and who knows? It might help you too.
I’m going to numb everything, just for a week. I can’t let this affect my exams; I will be SO much happier if I get into a positive mindset for the last five before the half term. Then, in that week, in between bouts of “SHIT REVISION HELP ME!” I’ll let myself feel. I’ll show myself it’s ALRIGHT to feel. Once all of my exams are over, I’ll do the same thing.
I’m going to try and talk to my friends as much as possible. Wren, Red, Odd, and all the rest. It’ll cheer me up – I’ll definitely try and meet up with them. Even with revision, I don’t think me being alone is the best thing to do. Yeah, I felt ill today and sad, but hanging out with friends will make me laugh and I NEED that. I can’t shut myself away.
Speaking of friends, I’ll make some more friendships, or earth up some old ones. Making a new friend, or having the thrill of a friendship and being trusted, is the thing that makes me the happiest. It’s such a lovely feeling – to know you have people around you, especially new people. Expanding my “circle” (HAHAHAHA WHAT), like an absolute rebel, is something I really want to try. I’m not popular in the least, but recently the friends I’ve made – just random people who you wouldn’t expect me to like – have lifted my mood. Internet friends, real life friends, whatever fits.
I won’t do this much, but I’ll try and post. As much as I NEED to concentrate on revision, which I WILL do much more, this is a way of coping. A way of therapy, if. you want to put it like that. I may not read blogs, but I AM going to be here, on a not-really-hiatus-but-sort-of-a-hiatus-roll-with-it. The support I get here is bamazing and makes me smile all the time. What I do need to remember, though, is BALANCE REVISION AND ACTUALLY DO REVISION bloody hell.
Moving on, in terms of the relationship, seems a bit stupid to me right now. I’m not even at a stage where I can think about things without wanting to curl into a ball or BECOME a ball, so if I tried to force it, it wouldn’t work. I’m going to wait, make myself feel more positive, and if I eventually move on it’ll be okay. Shit it even hurts thinking about that. NOOOOO NEGATIVITY EEEELLMMM. Just… Not going to even run down that train of thought.
Honestly? This post really helped me to put things into perspective. If you’re feeling awful, try some of the things I’m doing; maybe we can go along this feeling-better journey together. Do something you love, and remember, DON’T PRESSURE YOURSELF TO FEEL OKAY. It will happen when it happens.
From Elm π
this is such a good post π it really makes me think i guess
I’m very glad of that π
I’m also really happy that you liked it!
thanks so much for posting it π
Glad you’re feeling much more positive sweetheart π
Me too π Thank you!
I am always there for you if you need me. Good luck for your exams
And same with you. You’re a lovely person π
A very positive post!…glad you find a way to feel okay naturally without pressure ….Good luck in ur exams elm
Thank you so much! I’m just trying to remain as positive as possible
That’s great !!!
I’m proud of you! Good luck on your exams and your posts do help a lot of people including me so thank you ππ
I’m so happy for that! π Thank you!
I’m so glad you’re feeling better and more positive. So proud of you! Also, good luck on revisions and your exams. You got this!
I think I do! Thanks, Jerrod, you’re great!
How’s the Artistics going?
Very great. We’re not that busy. We’re actually just chilling. Hahaha
Chilling is the best! π
Honestly, I kind of know what you mean. I’ve been… Really questioning myself lately. And overthinking it and everything related to it WAY too much. But I told my friends about it just last week and it made me feel SO much better. Now I know that I have people that I can talk to and won’t ever judge me about it. You can get through this, Elm. You have so many people that care about you, no matter how alone you might feel. π
-Amy
It hurts, I know elm. But you’re strong and you can get through this π I’m always here when you need to talk π
And same with you. You’ve always been such a great friend π Thank you xx
π
thanks for the like, means a lot!! xX
Any time! Xx
I’ve been ill off school today and had to spend the entire time coughing over revision, so i definitely see where you’re coming from with the difficult mind-boggling trick that is balancing blogging and revision!
Nice post though =)
Aww thank you! I hope you feel better! Xx
Welcome! I’m still ill π€π
NO! π¦ That sucks
YOU WILL DO THE REVISION, YOU WILL SLAY THE REVISION.
YOU. You will definitely do it.
Good luck Elm π
Let’s all hope I can! Merci!!!
You have a really nice blog. Best of luck with your exams!β€οΈ
Thank you so so much! β€οΈ That means a lot.