I have a friend. (Stop laughing I DO have friends shh).
Just to say, if he reads this post – I hope you don’t mind. You don’t know about this blog, and I doubt I’ll tell you, but I want you to know that you are a wonderful person.
I want to give him a tree name, because he’s important to me and means more to me than I realise, so I’ll call him Sycamore.
You wouldn’t expect us to be friends, on a purely superficial level. He loves sports, hates reading, and is about as opposite to me as you can possibly get, short of being a… Squirrel or something. But against everything, we ARE friends.
It started as a sort of “Hi!” thing on Facebook Messenger – you know, where you just drop a “hi” message. I used to think he was annoying, because he always asked me if I knew people. Now I look back, I’m so ashamed, because I judged him harshly. But one time, he asked me if we were friends and it nearly broke my heart.
After that, it was sort of a constant friendship. Something that was always there. It’s only been recently – and by that I mean in the last year – that we’ve spoken properly, about meaningful things. Because of things that have happened, we’ve sort of banded together – and though we don’t have anything in common, we can speak to each other. He looks out for me and I look out for him and that’s how it works, on a purely SIMPLE level. If he hears about something shitty happening to me – or to anyone, really, he promises to look out for them. He’s said to me that I’m such a good friend and that he’d always be here for me (he wrote it in my yearbook) and that nearly brought me to tears because it was so honest – no hiding, no deception, no making me feel like shit.
It’s bloody difficult to describe, but do you know what I mean? All of this backstory’s leading onto another story, so I hope I haven’t bored you yet.
I think it was on Monday that we were talking – he was supporting me, in his way – and I came out to him as bi then, which again nearly broke me because he didn’t even show a reaction, which is what I wanted. He helped me to have hope, because I’m not ashamed and never will be to be friends with him and to find friendship in the most unexpected of places.
But then, he told me something that shook me, that made me think and made that “I want to help” fire light up inside me.
Before, he was going to go to our sixth form. To do that, he has to get 5 A stars to C grades – pass 5 GCSEs – and the school called him up and said, “You’re not good enough,” in a roundabout way. They said that it would be doubtful that he’d get into sixth form because of his grades at the moment.
Through my anger, the thoughts of “What the FUCK, this is unfair,” I told him to prove them wrong.
His response? “I will.”
And THOSE – those are the most powerful words I can think of. I will.
Though he didn’t say it directly, I interpretted it as “I WILL prove them wrong. Even if I fail this time, I’ll stand the next time and keep trying – keep on going until I show them I’m more than they think I am. That I’m strong and that I CAN pass; I’m not a failure. I WILL show them that I’m capable of doing whatever the hell I want, and though they’ve branded me a “failure”, I’m not. Not to me and everyone around me.”
I take things for granted a lot of the time. Like I know that I’ll get into my sixth form, that I’ll have no problems, and that life won’t be bad for me. I’m almost putting myself on a pedestal here, and I’m trying not to act like I’m above it all. I’m NOT. We’re all people and all human and we look out for each other.
It’s times like these when I realise: no. There are people who need to scream, “I WILL!” For the people that can’t, for themselves, for everyone.
Stand up and show them they’re wrong. You might think that things are spiralling downhill, but in the end, you STILL have that hope. You can still scream at the sky, telling them, telling yourself:
From Elm 🙂