Throughout the day, I’ve been having no motivation to post, but about an hour ago I got in the mood for singing. The song, Can’t Help Falling in Love (originally by Elvis Presley) is a song that I adore, because it means a lot to me emotion-wise and all that.
You can find the cover here, but before you listen, I need to explain a few things.
Recently, I’ve started to really dislike my voice. I don’t know why: people tell me I’m a good singer, but I guess because self-hatred is a great companion of mine, I find reasons to disagree with them. I ALWAYS think I sound terrible. I know that I can’t sing high, because I sound like a chipmunk or just STUPID. But because I love this song so much, I thought, “Oh FUCK it! Why CAN’T I record it? I might as well.”
I’m not trying to get pity. When I was trying to record, I felt so frustrated because my high notes were – and ARE – weak, and it upset me a little because I thought that I couldn’t sing at all and that I just sounded strangled or not strong enough. I re-did it about 5 times because I’m a perfectionist.
Yes, it’s not perfect. I sound like I have grains of sand in my throat at one point, and I was using my phone plus a computer instead of a real microphone. I know all that, and though it pisses me off that it’s not PERFECT and parts of it aren’t good, I’ll just have to deal with it.
That’s what I want YOU to get out of this post. There are times when you’ll think that shit is pointless, and you can’t do it. That’s what happened with me and my singing today, because I got frustrated and angry that I just COULDN’T hit that note.
But try it. You might not think it’s necessarily GOOD, but you’re putting it out there. I put it up there to prove to myself I COULD. I love singing; it makes me happy. I can’t love it if I hate my own voice – and though I sometimes can’t help that, I can’t love singing EITHER if I never, ever show people what my voice is like. I can’t love it if I never take the chance to sing a song I like, and record it with WHATEVER crappy thing I have.
I did it and I’m happy. It’s not perfect, but I did it, and it’s ME.
I really hope you liked it, but not because of the symbolism. I hope you liked it because I HOPE it was good. Screw all my pretentious crap for a second; music is just music, no matter how much I had to record it or how frustrated I got.
Doing something you love shouldn’t come with a “Oh but I don’t like THIS aspect of it.” I’m doing it to show you, and myself, that we’re all human. Things aren’t perfect, but take pride in that. It’s important that you know your flaws, but with every flaw comes something amazing.
I won’t say it was “challenging” for me to put it out there. I’m confident enough that I can actually post a video without getting terrified. It was just the fact of proving to myself that I was able to actually SING that was a bit tricky. But I did it.
Take that step, to do something you WANT to do. Prove to yourself it’s okay, and no one else, cause you’re the only one you answer to right now.
From Elm 🙂