Let's Talk about the Past / Things to Make You Think

Don’t Fade Out

Elm102 Comments

I’m walking down the street. Don’t forget how my body moves, the way my hair blows in the wind and how the light shines over the curve of my jaw. Don’t forget, when I stumble, that I laugh or try to right myself, which usually ends with me shrieking in mortified embarrassment.

They say my laugh bursts out of me, in a cacophany I’m told is ‘cute’. Remember how my voice changes, when the sun sinks below the horizon; think of the soft words I spoke and the heavy truths within them. My laughter echoes in empty hallways, standing beside you by a river, and gripping another’s hand in the dark of a place I thought I would hate. Little words, tiny words, yet still meaningful.

My hair streamed out behind me in the wind, soft as a feather. Remember how that can never define me, for delicacy is something I will never possess – with a once harsh tone, and eyes full of stabbed backs, I was never a pretty flower. I turned to you, sharing a moment of horror, laughing as the notes reached a crescendo in a once war-torn country. Look into my mind, and remember how beautiful that felt; free as a bird and happy as a lark.

The way I pressed the coins into your hand, the last time I would ever stand in front of you as anything more than an acquaintance. Breathing, in the dark, with a shared secret that never passed my lips, nor my hands, nor my heart. The very essence that defined our net of trust, gold then green in its intensity. Before it broke, remember how I was there, present, constant, as the earth.

Fingertips on piano keys. Head held high while the tears fell. Eyes reflected in the fire that we could barely see. An unexpected thank you, shared in the silence of something already broken. Lips upon tentitive lips, once, twice, thrice; guilt fading as the tide washes out.

In a patchwork of memories, you – the you of past and present, the multiple people that have shaped me – fly past. Don’t forget my happiness, stepping out of a changing room and feeling like a queen, with a dress flowing like the ocean. Don’t forget my quiet certainty, a split second before an action that set me on the path of loving who I could.

Small face, little hands, and a smile only when there is no click of a camera. Trying to be in the foreground of a place where you were yourself, free, able to stand up and scream if you wanted to.

I can’t capture me in a post, in a paragraph or sentence or word. I’m more than that, more than a song sung to discordant melodies. Time flows, but as long as there’s breath in the air, it can’t forget me. I can’t forget me.

Though you’re only one among billions, you make memories that will last a lifetime. The simple gestures, laughs and tears live on, in people to come and in the minds of people that will always – ALWAYS – remember who we are, until they’re gone too. It’s a chain of which we’ll never see the end, but it’s okay to realise that we’re just a metallic link.

Know who I am, as much as I do. Don’t let me disappear, in the midst of my turmoil and confusion. Don’t let me be selfish or hurt or angry, and keep these collages of people safe.

Don’t let it fade. Impressions of memories cannot be easily taken away.

From Elm 🙂

102 thoughts on “Don’t Fade Out”

      • Yes, really. I feel like slapping you with a fish for not believing me the first time 😂. You’re so talented in writing, and your style is so clear and sharp. All that time you have invested in this post really paid off as it is flawless and perfect in every way.

        Yes, Elm, really xx

      • I want to give you a huge hug right now because you are SO KIND and fantastic! ❤ You make me happy xx And I believe you now! At least I think so hehe

  4. Oh my god, Elm, this was amazing! So wonderfully written, and described so well. Every word was in its place, every phrase flowed together, and I’m really speechless at how to say how much I love this!

    Reply

  5. Wow this is really lovely!! I can imagine the time it took you to think of all the right words but very well chosen! – Nicely written 🙂

    Reply

  12. I loved this❤️
    So deep and beautifully composed
    It has a lovely flow n story to it
    Loved it! ❤️❤️🙌🏽

    Reply

  27. This is absolutely beautiful. You described those feelings with just the perfect words- usually I have to sit at my laptop and hunt around to find a good phrase. But you did it perfectly, you talented, beautiful unicorn.

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  30. I’m honestly so in awe of your writing Elm! The way you expressed yourself was so unique and I absolutely loved it! You, my friend, have a true talent! xx

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  31. This is so… tranquil but so… I don’t even know why or if this was intentional, but it kinda seems like there is an undertone of sadness and maybe even like the person who is talking has come to grips and is at peace after something has gone horribly horribly wrong….

    Just me? oh shoot…

    Reply

    • You’re pretty much right. You know when I talk about “you” in the post – that’s not just one person I’m talking about; all the different sentences and paragraphs relate to different people and situations in time that I’ve experienced. It’s me, coming to terms with things, and not forgetting who I am in the process.
      WOAH I’ve just realised, I didn’t mean to do this when I wrote it but now I’m thinking about it, it was me trying to tell myself that every single person who I spoke about then, no matter how big or small, has helped me not to forget me by remembering me.

      Reply

  34. This is incredible! I keep re-reading it and it’s just such a beautiful post- you’re an amazing writer!

    Reply

  35. you really should be paid for this, actually this is priceless, this is just amazing ahh. sorry i’m just, can’t handle the beauty. you’re so amazing :O SO talented agh must bookmark this and frame it

    Reply

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