Hellooo! Here’s the update that I promised yesterday. It’s a long post – not because something HUGE happened, but just because I like to write a lot.
I’m going to run through what happened, start to end, and then explain my thoughts and feelings (if I haven’t already within the post). Just to say, I DIDN’T go to the afterparty after all, and I’ll explain why in a bit.
First of all, I got my hair and makeup done. It was at this adorable little place in the town next to mine, and the ladies who made me up were so lovely. I kept on making jokes about how inexperienced I was at even doing makeup, whenever they wanted to know what kind of eyeshadow I preferred. I also had my nails done (they used an awesome UV lamp to dry them which was about my favourite part), and also my eyebrows waxed which really didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would. Better than getting it threaded, because apparently that hurts to hell.
I’ll give you a little description of what I looked like, as I can’t show a picture (because anonymity). My hair was curled so that it fell in waves, with two plaits secured at the back of my head with pins. Some hair was brought forward, so that it hung over my shoulders, and the rest of my hair fell down my back. My nails were sort of a red colour and were sparkling/glittering, and they matched my dress. Getting it all done made me feel amazing, like I was properly beautiful and that I didn’t have to be ashamed of anything. I remember walking out of the place, into the slight drizzle and just feeling powerful, floaty and different.
After that, I went home, put my dress on and went to Red’s house. I was constantly paranoid that my hair would be ruined, as it was raining (love you too, England) and that we would be late (because of traffic). Red’s phone’s buggered so I couldn’t text him to tell him I’d be slightly late. We eventually arrived, and when I opened the door the reaction from Red’s mum made me grin like a moron because she was the first person, apart from my parents, that have seen me in the flesh with my dress on.
Because my mum is obsessed with the idea of me having a “date” (even though he and I went as friends), they took about a million photos. I had to perfect my smile, which I STILL can’t do because it either looks fake or like I’m in pain. Oh well! It was really nice to just be standing there having your photo taken – plus, Red gave me the most adorable corsage (which I then didn’t wear at prom itself because I’m a dick) but I loved it and it matched my dress and ahh!
Luckily, I hadn’t changed my mind at the last minute and gone to Holly’s thing, so Red and I were driven to Pine’s house. Thank god for that, because I had so much fun. I don’t often involve myself in that group, but I’m going to next year because they are so so lovely. Daisy was there – a girl I used to hate – but also Cedar… Yeah, the Cedar I used to have a huge crush on, who now very much fancies Pine. Whoops.
In the process of staying at Pine’s, I managed to smash a really nice champagne glass (thanks Red), nearly fall over in my heels, almost forget my bag and then have a tiny crush on Cedar once more. He kept on moving closer to me on the sofa, but I know that was because he wanted to move closer to the others. Ehh well; I still had such fun because I laughed insanely when we had to take pictures, and just at the banter we had.
We went to Prom in a camper van, which was fucking awesome. It didn’t have any seat belts, so me, Daisy and another girl were on a long seat, gripping onto each other, and Pine and our other friend were on the floor (the boys went in a separate car). There was a lot of screaming and laughter, but my favourite part of the journey was when Daisy and I spoke. She and I have had our ups and downs but to be honest, I think she’s really awesome. She’s been there for people so much, and when we were talking, she said that I was really kind and that I always tried to be there for everyone. That made me unbelievably emotional, because I just want to leave year 11 on a high point with as many people as possible.
The Prom itself was at a hotel. It was drizzling again, and somewhat cold; after a horrendously long queue to get in, we got out of the van (and I nearly tripped over Daisy’s dress), stood around in the rain and then finally got into the building itself. Walking past teachers, whilst they compliment you on your outfit and you’re surrounding by the chatter and laughter of people in your year was the best feeling; it made me feel invincible. Though I still had trouble walking in my heels, at least I didn’t fall over.
After that, the events become more hazy. The room in which the Prom was being held was small compared to the size of our year, with a carpetted floor and food outside (it was so stressful trying to get said food, and we ended up jumping the queue to be next to Red). There was loud music – which, coupled with the din of people yelling and exclaiming over dresses and clothes – made it so bloody difficult to hear myself, or anyone around me.
Highlights of the evening include:
Wren running up to me and attacking me with a huge hug whilst we both screamed about our dresses
Going to a photobooth with Pine and her group
Going to the same photobooth and getting pictures with Wren (I don’t know what I’d do without her; she makes my day every day).
Getting photos with Wren and Red, where we had stupid props on and looked so moronic that it was hilarious
Dancing with Odd where they span me round and we both went crazy
Standing outside when I needed fresh air, and feeling the wind on my face whilst people laughed around me
It came to my attention, quite horribly and unexpectedly throughout the night, that I really – and I mean REALLY – wanted to get with someone. Because I’m insane and I like getting the piss taken out of me by my real life friends, it’s the guy I talked about in this post so if you haven’t read that, you should (she says, self-promoting like a pro). It came as a horrifying realisation: I’ve always had a slight “fascination” with Sycamore, as he’s always been so kind but also, he’s in a different group to me. I don’t know how to explain it. There was me, pissed off and frustrated because I KNEW nothing would happen: I didn’t see him all night, and I knew he wasn’t going to the afterparty. In addition to that, Prom’s not really the place where you “hook up” with someone as I expected it to be just hanging out with friends, rather than kissing people. I just wanted to kiss him, to know what it was like, and to prove myself I COULD. Is that fucked up?
The most emotional part of the evening was when I said goodbye to Cedar. He was also someone who I half wanted to have something with, and though I didn’t do anything with him, he found me at the end of the night. For a few minutes, we had a lovely conversation that ended with this:
C: Okay Elm… I have to go now.
E: Ehhh okay, see ya!
C: So, have a nice life.
E: Eyy c’mon, give me a hug.
So we hug for about 30 seconds, with me just breathing and trying my best not to cry because as much as I don’t have feelings for him, I care about him so much. He trusted me with how shit he felt about the Pine situation and as we hugged, I was pretty sure he was remembering that. AHHH I still feel emotional.
I spoke to Willow loads as well throughout the night. We were standing outside the main room, hugging like crazy and just holding each other and talking. I will never, ever forget about her because she’s so fab; we just wandered around at one point and I told her about the Sycamore situation (that has a nice ring to it) so that she’d understand how frustrated I was. ALSO, I’ve been screaming for the past 12 hours because the person she’s fancied for ages and her kissed and I won’t say who that is because privacy, but it’s so so lovely and I’m so happy for her because she deserves it! She and I spoke on the phone about it, amidst me squealing about how adorable it was.
When Prom was ending, I felt even more emotional. There was elation, because I’d spent time with friends and had the best time, but also a slight disappointment because of all the things I didn’t do. I won’t dwell on that, though; I still have time to do whatever I want. We went back to Pine’s house, dropping Red off on the way, and I was so incredibly tired that I could barely move. My feet were aching like hell because of the heels, and I nearly fell on Red at one point because I could barely stand upright.
Pine and I didn’t go to the afterparty, as I was so tired. In a way, it was lucky we were both not there, as it got shut down by the police at 2 which kind of makes me laugh, though it shouldn’t. Because of that, I stayed over at hers and we talked for about an hour before going to sleep. It was about everything: Willow (because I shrieked when I found out about her romantic moment), people, how we’ve changed, life and pretty much everything else. As I did with Willow and Wren, I told her about Sycamore and she was totally fine with it, and even said she’d organise something in the summer where we could all hang out. I’m so glad I have Pine still here, because she’s great.
All in all, I had a brilliant night. Spending time with friends, especially Odd, Red and Wren, made my entire week. I won’t be forgetting about this in a hurry, and I’ll always remember the crowds, the loud music and how I just felt included.
So many people complimented me on my dress, which made me feel great because I’d put effort in. Maybe I wasn’t the most stunning, but I was pretty enough for me, and pretty enough for me to feel like I really was. According to loads of other people, everyone’s dresses were gorgeous (Willow’s, Wren’s, EVERYONE’s) and it was so nice to see that people were happy when others told them, “You look so beautiful!”
I may not have kissed anyone last night, but that comes second to having a wonderful time. I had one, but happiness doesn’t mean having both; it means having enough of one to feel like you can do anything.
From Elm 🙂