They Searched This and Found My Blog?

Hi everyone!

In my time of blogging (I sound old what the hell; it’s only been a year and three months!), I like to look at my stats page to see how I’m getting on. We all do it, even if we say follower count doesn’t matter; it’s nice to find out how many views you got each day and that.

However, in the corner of the stats cave, you find a little section called “Search terms.” Most of them are unknown search terms, where you can’t tell what was searched that found your blog, but there are the rare few that you can see.

Most are okay. Most are just “justelm” or “just call me elm or something”, but there are some that are just… Really weird. Maybe THEY’RE not weird, in themselves, but the fact that people searched them up and found my blog? I wonder what kind of content I have that some of these would be relevant.

In something I’ve never done before, I’m going to “react” to them. The search terms will be in bold, with my comments below. Beware of either heavy sarcasm, all caps, or confusion. Here we go!

Just to say, Cait from PaperFury was the inspiration for this without me realising, because she does this sort of thing every month and they’re hilarious. If you don’t follow her already, do so because she’s one of my favourite book bloggers of ever.

(I don’t know when exactly these were searched up, but I can link them to some posts – I found them by filtering my stats by year. Also, I’m really sorry but there’s a fair bit of strong language in this post, for anyone easily offended).

People are always calling me ungrateful
If that’s the case, then tell them to piss off. Whoever searched this up, I doubt it’s true. Also, what post would that even be linked to – OH WAIT, I always call myself bad things on my blog. Bad Elm!

I hate you stupid bastard
Well damn. Someone’s pissed off. What’d the bastard ever do to you? Actually don’t answer that; I have a horrible feeling that they must have found this horrendous post from over a year ago. Okay, let me just cringe in a corner…

Miranda sings suck cock
What the FUCK???!!!! WHO searched this?! Do I want to know? No, no I don’t. I feel disturbed. Um, kids, sorry for the profanity? But seriously, how the literal hell did they find my blog through that I’m vaguely horrified.

When start my love life what call that day
Either the worst or best day of your life, depending on how you view love. Also, there isn’t a set day where you “start your love life”. Hey, it’s Wednesday today! Let’s go out and fall in love! Er, no. I know that I post about my so-called “love life”, so maybe THAT’s how they found me.

Best message for ungrateful stupid people
Not to call them ungrateful or stupid? Or maybe, “Go away, you don’t appreciate me so I see no reason why I have to return the favour.” Here with the ungrateful spiel again; I mean, if you look through some of my earlier, cringey posts, you can kind of see why the word ‘ungrateful’ linked to my blog. Oops.

Best talking ex bugger off
If you want your talking ex to bugger off, who is apparently the best, then just tell them! The sentence doesn’t even make sense, so who knows what this means? It could be that their ex is Called “Bugger Off”, and if that’s the case I feel sorry for them. We’ll never know the true meaning.

Who is get female best blind motivators
NOT ME! Seriously, not me; don’t look at me! What’s concerning is that they found ME through that. Me being the “best female blind motivator” is so horrifying that it makes me laugh. Hahahaha, me, a motivator? Psh.

But I love my something mars
I don’t even have a response to that. Who is your Mars? Do you mean the planet or the God of War (or the chocolate)? I love Mars Bars, mainly because I adore chocolate, but all I want to know is who your Mars is. Is that too much to ask?

Feelings of ash fucking
Please, please tell me that they don’t mean the tree. Because that’s gross. If they mean someone called Ash, I can’t think of them without thinking of my ex-best friend now drug addict bastard person Ash. And feelings of Ash fucking – do they mean what it would be like for the ash or for them? Ew I actually feel sick.

On that note, I’m going to leave it. I’m so confused as to how or why they’d search up those specific phrases… Who knows?

If I find any more weird search terms, I’ll let you know.

Have a look through your stats page. What’s the weirdest thing anyone’s ever searched that has linked to your blog?

From Elm πŸ™‚

93 thoughts on “They Searched This and Found My Blog?

  1. These are hilarious. To be fair, most of mine are my blogs name or things actually related. I even had people searching my name, so I have the right people haha πŸ˜‰

    • OMG AHHH lucky! I don’t know why people search up such weird things; it’s so odd! But YAY I’m so happy that you liked this; I loved writing it!

  2. *Apologises for profanity despite cursing in every post*. I’ve only ever gotten relatively sensible search terms. Like creative “writting” on lion (spelling error included) and how to better myself? Why would I have the advice on helping people better themselves. I literally have some of the worst advice ever. Seriously asking me for advice is one of the worst ideas on earth

  3. my last blogger handle was the name of a race on world of warcraft. sadly, little 11 year old me didn’t know how much world of warcraft players enjoyed looking for porn of said race, and my blog received a lot of hits from people doing just that…i still get hits from people searching for weirdass porn featuring things i probably can’t talk about without getting put on some kind of list. sigh.

  4. This post cracked me up. Your responses are so quirky and fun to read. And wow some of the search hits yikes :0 loved this post! It would be amazing to see a sequel xD

    • Ahahaha, if I get any more there will be! Thanks – I’m so glad you liked reading! Yeah, my responses were literally what I thought after reading the search terms πŸ˜€ I loved writing this haha!

  5. Okay, this is actually really funny.
    I just looked at mine, and the only ways I found were “okay stuff” and “it’s okay to not be okay”. For the first thing, I do suppose my blog is considered “okay stuff” and the second, that was the title of one of my posts. I do hoped it helped whoever searched it up… probably not, seeing as my blog is just “okay stuff”. πŸ˜€

    • But I LOVE your blog so shhhh, Hanna! πŸ˜€ Ahhh your search terms are so normal I love ’em! And yay, so glad you liked this post!

  6. So, I was trying not to laugh at this one because my family are sleeping and I’m trying to be super-shhhhhhhingtons… It failed xD

  7. *bows and gives offerings of chocolate* la qween Elm, can i do this on my own blog with ze credits to you of course? ^_^

  8. Oh gosh, this post cracked me up!!! XD XD You’re hilarious! And yeah, I also check the search terms sometimes and there’re really weird things in there. XD I loved this post!! XD

  9. “I hate you stupid bastard.” What the actual fuck, why would anyone even search that on WP πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
    Honestly some of these are very messed up and I don’t get it at all, but atleast it got you viewers!

  10. Oookay inspired from this post I checked the search engines thing in my stats. Most were Unknown Search Engines, but I got a few like ‘Whats the point of being alive’, ‘reasons to stay afloat’ and ‘learn to love you’ and I don’t know but I feel so honoured and proud that my blog seems to be one of the resources for self help out there! (and I hope those people are doing well now)

  11. Haha love this Elm! Hope you’ll do more in the future πŸ˜€ It’s been almost a year since I did a post on why I should have a pug, and people still find my blog by searching for pugs or pug-related topics haha

  12. Okay just checked my stats to see if there was a new one and ‘i m excited tomorrow my love bone’ what even. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN. DO I WANT TO KNOW. NO I DON’T THINK SO

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