Don’t Let This Be Our Final Song

The post title, and the general idea for this post, was inspired by the song of the same name, which you can listen to here.

I don’t like things coming to an end, but because it’s life, it inevitably ends up happening. In this post, I’m going to have to be extremely vague, as the whole “things ending” could actually apply to many situations I’m thinking of at the moment. My thoughts are a blur, both in my mind and probably on this screen, but making sense is overrated anyway. PAH, who needs it?

Sometimes, you miss someone so terribly that you don’t know what to do. When it’s multiple someones, the list piles up and it seems never ending. You miss them next to you, having their arm around you, and you wished you could have held their hand a little longer for the last time, even though you KNOW it can’t be the last time. You miss their warmth, the way they laughed, and how you could say things and have the person understand you before you even finished the sentence. The worst thing is, I have no idea who I’m talking about here, because as with many things: my thoughts could relate to many different people. Is that bad? No, I don’t think so.

Even though endings are a natural part of life, I’m still scared of them. I ALWAYS worry that I’m leaving something behind, that I’ll regret it terribly: regrets, though, are something I don’t often have. What if I didn’t let this person go? What if I did that, or didn’t do that? The thoughts that I’m a terrible person have rarely surfaced recently, apart from the occasional freakout where I ask myself what I’m doing.

I’m sitting here, tears in my eyes, thinking about all the different things that have happened. It’s not healthy to dwell on the past, but you do sometimes need it as a reminder. Yes, I have moved on from a lot of the pain, but some is still there, and some is so recent that it’s difficult to separate okay from not okay. Sadness from longing. Love from guilt. All of these contrasting emotions spin round and round, and the only place I can talk about them is here.

With every new day comes a new experience, says a cheesy quote from someone and somewhere undefinable. It’s true, though, and the experiences and days stretch backwards so that it gets confusing. I’m not making sense and I know it, but it’s dark and so my thoughts are becoming scattered.

I won’t let those experiences fade. Every smile, laugh, whisper, from how ever many people, will stay in my heart. Him, him, her and her; the past and the future and everything in between. I’m scared of it, but I have to let it stay with me. Memories are what makes up a person, after all.
As I’m me, I’m prone to missing many people. Some I miss so much that my heart aches, and I sit with the lights off and let a solitary tear slide down my face. My geart feels lonely, echoing with an emotion I can’t quite reach. Other people, I miss with a quiet certainty that I’ll see them again, someday, maybe when it’s raining or when the sun is shining. Who knows?

All I know is that there can be no such thing as a last goodbye. Saying that there’s a last of anything is too final, and has too much weight. I sang to myself this morning, and two weeks ago. I thought about things ending, and where I’d be when they were all gone. Jasmine, Rapunzel, and all the other people with who, when their arms were around me, I felt safe.

Always remember that there’s still another chance. Don’t second guess yourself, but in the same way, don’t throw things away. Let yourself live, like I’m trying to do, because it’s the only thing that’s solid. I may want so many things I can’t have, and I may scream at myself sometimes for what I do want, but I can’t help that.

I’m sorry that I’m being so vague. However, right now, my thoughts are tinged with a sadness that I can’t shake, because loads of people that I could have loved passed me by. Either by their fault, my own or just because of circustance, I lost that opportunity.

Still, I’m happy that I got experiences. I’m happy that I can now be free, and that I’m looking after myself more. When the self-hatred starts to take hold, I remember who I am, who you guys are, and how much I appreciate this blog.
I won’t let this be my final song, to anyone. There’s still time.

Do you guys often miss people, or is it just me? Even for our wish that they could be here, it’s better to realise that you CAN move on with your life, and that it’s okay.

From Elm πŸ™‚

68 thoughts on “Don’t Let This Be Our Final Song

  1. I get you, sometimes I think of past memories and miss people. I think it’s normal to miss someone you love or you appreciate a lot. I think if that person loves you or if love that person, you’ll do what it takes to see each other again idk (well, unless they’re dead and I know how mean this sounded argh…). Anyway I understand you, sometimes I also miss people around me too, it sucks but I guess that means we care about them and we really enjoy being with them. I love this post, it made me smile! πŸ™‚

    • I’m happy for that πŸ™‚ Yeah, I hope things will turn out okay. I’m glad I’m not alone: missing people is naturel, and it comforts me to know that other people know exactly how I feel – like you. Thanks so much!

  2. I understand you as always and I perfectly feel you in terms of missing people because I do it too with a lot of people. With regards to people leaving your life, just remember that someone will eventually be able to see what others can’t see in you. For example some people that have left probably don’t see the person that I see in you which is one of the best people I know and one of my closest, most trusted friends

    • Ohh Sav, thank you so much! You always seem to be able to cheer me up and make me feel like I’m worth something. You really are one of the best people I know. People leaving is always going to be difficult, but I just have to remember that other people will come along, too, and that it’s okay to let them in.

  3. Caring about people is such a beautiful but hard thing. Because if you care about someone, you’re also accepting all the possible pain that comes with it. It’s hard to decide when to hold on and when to let go, but we’ll all figure it out eventually. If you ever need a friend to just listen, you know where to find me πŸ™‚

    • And same with you, Ruth. It’s rare to find someone who’s so willing to help, and I’m glad that you’re one such person. I always worry that I care about the wrong people, or that someone I should care about will just pass me by. It’s all about opportunity, and realising when it’s alright to let go, and when it’s okay to reach out. Thanks so much for your comment as ever, because it made me think a lot.

  4. I have most definitely felt this way before. Missing friends, loved ones, etc. It’s normal. I’ve shed my fair share of tears in the darkness of my bedroom and I, quite recently, realized that everyone misses people from time to time. It’s not anything to be ashamed of.
    -Dani πŸ™‚ ❀

    • You’re so right, and I need to take in your advice. I overthink things a lot, and worry too much: I think that people won’with miss me, or that I’ll miss the wrong people. But really, missing people is natural as you said. Crying over people too, and it’s not weak. It’s just human. How do you always manage to make me feel better about a situation? Thank you πŸ™‚ I know that I’m not alone now.

  5. This can’t get more relatable. Missing people and regretting is a pastime of mine, to be honest. But yeah, it’s okay to miss people, I guess… Excellent post, as always.

    • Thank you so much – it makes me happy that you can relate, because I like to show people that they’re not alone in how they feel. This post has helped me, too, in the same way. And yes: it’s okay to miss people. Everyone does it, after all.

  6. I totally get you, Elm. 2 years ago I moved to Europe for the first time, leaving most of my family (grandma, grandpa, cousins) and all my childhood friends behind. I remember the day I was at the airport, and I couldn’t stop the tears from coming, and to this day, I can’t imagine eating anything besides my grandmas’ different food dishes. We all have that one person or persons we miss, so it’s totally normal.
    Stay Awesome Elm πŸ™‚

    • Thank you πŸ™‚ and stay awesome yourself. I can’t imagine how difficult that was, to just leave everything behind. The tears, then, would be totally justified, because it just would feel like your life had to start again. You can always hold memories of the past close to you, so that you can properly remember.

  7. Awww Elm, everyone once in their lives have missed people. It’s normal to miss them, and it takes time to heal when they’re gone. My grandad died when I was 5, and when I was about 8/9 I cried every single night saying I missed him and I didn’t want to lose anyone else. My Mum got so worried, she told me she wasn’t going anywhere and that’ll be okay.

    I believed her then. As much as you miss a person who has left for whatever reason, you have twice as many people there for you. It’s okay to dwell on the past, it’s one of the stages of letting go, but just don’t let it impact you so much, don’t centre your life around that one person.

    You’ll let go eventually, nobody fully lets go, but you’ll learn to live without them and enjoy your time with the people still here.

    I have no idea if this comment made any sense, because I haven’t checked over it or anything but yeah. I hope it helped, even if it’s a really small amount.

    • It really did. You have no idea how much your words mean to me, because it really shows me I’m not the only one who feels this way. I know it won’t do any good, but I’m so sorry for the loss of your granddad. You’re right, in that I shouldn’t let it take over my life. I suppose, they’re still here; I just miss them so much.
      YES, it’s okay to miss people. I need to remember that, because I often find myself telling myself to pull it together. But like everyone has said, I can miss people. It’s alright. Thanks SO much for the comment!

      • No problem! It’s okay about my grandad, I’m passed that mourning stage. And yes, everything you said is true, I’m glad you believe it’s okay to miss people, because it really is.

    • Yeah, it’s the most horrible feeling. Because though they’re still there, they can’t hear you and they can’t miss you. It’s so heartbreaking, and I know how it feels.

  8. Aw Elm I know exactly how you’re feeling right now 😦 Remember and always focus on the good times you had, not on the endings ❀ I'm only an email away if you ever need anything πŸ™‚

  9. I miss people all the time…but it just comes out as a dull sort of ache. It’s not even painful, it’s just frustrating, to want something you know you can’t have. I get this, to have that realization that it’s okay. Because it really is πŸ™‚

    • Yeah, exactly. That dull ache is something I also experience, but I think it’s good to realise that it’s natural. Everyone has it, and we’re not alone. Thans for the comment!

  10. I miss people often too. Some I can’t win back, some I don’t want back into my life. But recently, I’ve realised it’s okay to miss people once in a while, and maybe someday everything will be okay. Everything will be okay, Elm. πŸ™‚

    • That’s the philosophy I live by. Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end. Thanks so much for your comment, because it was so comforting.

  11. And these experiences make you stronger in the end πŸ™‚
    Of course, it’s human nature to miss the people who are no longer there in our life. I’ve shed way too many tears for people who probably won’t do the same for me.
    But in the end, you’ll always have those moments you shared with them. Those absolutely beautiful moments.

    • Yve never spoken such true words. You’re exactly right, as you always are πŸ™‚ Thank you; you giv every me hope for the future. I think the best thing to do is for me to realise it’s OKAY.

  12. There are so many people that I miss. My Grandma , my Grandpa, my host family and my friends who live far away from me.

    • And so I know that you understand how I feel. The people that miss will still be in your heart, and so you won’t forget them, and they won’t forget you.

  13. This is so relatable and it opened up old wounds for me because I’ve moved a lot in my life so there’s always someone/people I miss :(.

      • Oh, thank you Elm. I’m actually here to apologize more than anything. I realized I keep treating your blog like a big wallow of self-pity where I lumber through it like a big, fat… hippo…. or something…. okay, that didn’t work out (I’m too awkward).
        But, I’m seriously sorry for seeming so selfish and self-centered… my dad often says that I’m selfish and there’s a saying that roughly translates to, “after you say it for a while, it’ll become true” and I think I am being more selfish.
        ARGH there I go again, talking about myself. I’m gonna end it here. sorry times a million more, Elm dearest.

      • I will say one thing: you’re NOT being selfish. If you ever need to talk, be that on my posts or via email, I’m here. We all need time to talk about ourselves, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’d never hold it against you, or think you were wasting my time, or thinking that you always talk about yourself. Because if my posts help you to open up, that’d make my day. And if you comment with things about yourself, and how you feel, that heps ME and you too. Don’t doubt yourself ❀

  14. This makes so much sense to me. When I was in 1st grade, my best friend moved away. The next year, my great-aunt died. Every year something has happened to me. This year, my grandmother died and I was in New York City. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to enjoy a Broadway show after that… but somehow, since April 15th, I haven’t cried. I miss her, but I still haven’t cried. For some reason, I think that crying is “bad”. But everybody else is right. It makes us stronger.

    • It very much does. I’m deeply sorry about your Grandmother, and your great aunt. Don’t worry about your reaction, but always remember that if you DO cry, it’s okay. Live your life, and try and be as positive as possible: it’s not wrong to be happy, because you still miss them and you’re not disrespecting them.

  15. Oh my God i always get this feeling! Especially when I miss that special someone and start longing to have them next to me, just for the sake of it, it makes me kinda sad but also happy when I remember our memories, it’s very mixed up but sometimes imagining them near me is the only way i can sleep (Not trying to be creepy I promise!) But i guess it’s okay to miss people, i mean we all do it and this gave me a lot of reassurance because yes, this shouldn’t be our final song πŸ™‚ There’s still many ahead and sometimes we need to be a little patient even if it could be very frustrating.

    • OMG, you understand me exactly! It doesn’t sound creepy at all: it’s how I feel. So don’t worry! I’m really happy that someone else gets it. YES, it’s fine to miss people; we all do it! Thanks for the comment, as always!

  16. OMG I LOVE THIS SONG that your post is referring too! Hey let me listen to it whilst I type out a lengthy response.

    I was thinking about this a while ago when I sat my last gcse exam and poof school was over.

    I miss the memories associated with the people. The nostalgia that is brought back with the memories remind me how people have changed, the things we went through ect. Because if relationships haven’t changed for the worst then I wouldn’t be missing things. Gosh this made much more sense in my mind. I think over time I realised that i am just going to hurt myself missing people that don’t miss me so instead i try to focus on the memories which granted make you sad at times.

    I do however miss seeing people i love to bits because these people are special to me and will always remain special.

    It’s not weak to miss people. It’s just how we show our affection whether it is returned or not. Leaving people can rise up a lot of what if but at the end of the day, if a relationship was built to last, it will remain strong past the final goodbye

    • You make me happy with your comments, because theyre always so well thought out and almost poetic? I’m not sure how to describe it. You always capture my thoughts whenever you write, and that means so much. That song is brilliant, too!
      Yeah, you’re right. I think that losing people is natural, and it’s okay – it’ll hurt, but life goes on. I needed to get people to tell me that, and you’ve really helped.

      • Gosh this was so lovely to read – really you made me smile so much and feel special you know! Thank you so much, this was such a sweet sweet response. I’ve always wanted to be able to make people think in a good way with words and you saying that just made me smile so widely!
        It’ll hurt but remember you are much much stronger than the hurt. You will get through the missing, the tears and heartache because you’re Elm and you certainly have the qualities of an Elm – the strength and it’s beauty inner and outer xo much love

      • You’re so, so amazing honestly. It makes my day that I can make you smile, because that’s all I want.

        Also, I’m so sorry for not responding to your email from way back. It got lost in my emails. But trust me when I say that you are someone I respect hugely as a blogger, and I always have.

      • Aw thank you so much. Honestly you are super duper amazing too, and I admire you a lot for everything that you’ve achieved and done!
        Aw it is okay – it happens to all of us. Enjoy your stay in Italy! Aw thank you so much! This means a lot to me and has certainly made my day. I’m going to print screen this conversation to keep as a memory of someone who is super sweet and awesome – you!

    • I’d have to say the same about you. If you ever need to talk about your breakup, I’m just an email away. I know a little of how it hurts.

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