Holidays Are Actually Stressful

You know what this season is? Summer.

Yes, summer. Where you’re supposed to RELAX. Key word: supposed. Because guess what I’ve done? I’ve started to mildly stress about my holiday to Italy, which starts on Thursday.

There has to be an emphasis on mildly. I’m not as bad as I used to be in terms of stress, but it is still there. I’ve found the most ridiculous things to stress about, as well. This is a time to have fun and be happy with one of my best friends ever, Robin, and catch up on six months of gossip – er, I mean, events that have happened in our lives. I have a lot to update her on, but that’s a story for another time.

Because I’m a complete conformist stereotzpe (psh, where’s the rebel gone in me?) I wanted to buy a bikini for this holiday. I’ve never worn one before, because I’ve never seen the purpose, and even though I am somewhat self-conscious about my body, I thought I’d give it a go. There’s no time like the present, after all, and I’m going to Italy to get new experiences, and to just be free.

The only issue was actually buying the damned thing. My mum and I went to our local shoping centre, and looked through about five shops. To put it bluntly, I’m a size 6, and they literally had none in my size. Only one shop sold them the size that would fit, and you had to order it online. As you can imagine, I got a tad bit upset (and stressed), but I’ve got much better at not showing it and I only once snapped “Yeah, well that’s fucking great isn’t it?” Also, I only went into self-hating “why don’t you just put on more weight you’re awful” mode ONCE! I’m vaguely proud of myself?

All of this worrying about my body is irritating me. If people aren’t happy with how I look, then to be honest they can actually bugger off: I feel insecure as it is, not being able to see myself (oh here we go aggg. As a result, I HAVE to rely on other people to tell me if I look good. Luckily, it’s Robin and her family, who I’ve known for 5 years, so I know they would.

After we got back from shopping, my mum ordered a bikini online (no idea what it looks like). It should hopefully arrive tomorrow, and I’ll see if it fits then, but I have this constant worry that it won’t and I’ll look like a complete moron. Ahh, I’ll just see how it goes: there’s no use worrying about it now, and I think I just need to relax before my holiday. HA!

This is most likely oversharing, but it’s got to the point where I trust you with this kind of thing. I really don’t like the hair on my legs: it’s blonde and there isn’t much of it, but I can feel it. Because it’s not very visible, I haven’t needed to shave, wax or anything which kind of makes me feel like a gross outcast? Anyway, my mum is addiment that I don’t remove the hair because otherwise, it’ll “grow back a lot more” in her words, but I’m worried about what I should do. I might ask my stepmother for help if I see her before I go, actually.

I STILL haven’t done much holiday homework. Unfortunately, I’m going to have to do it ON holiday because I stupidly procrastinated. The main thing I’m worp ied about is, surprisingly, the English, but I think Robin can help me out because she’s insanely intelligent. Let’s hope I don’t leave it to the last minute.

Tomorrow, and possibly the day after before Robin comes, I’ll be writing and scheduling posts that will be published in the time I go to Italy. Who knows – I may get a chance to po still in Italy, like I did in France last year. If there are funny or embarrassing stories, I’ll definitely let you guys know, because I’ll NEED to write about them.

Thinking about that, does Robin know I have a blog? I don’t actually know. Amid most likely hours of conversation about what’s been happening with us, I’ll drop a mention of Elm.

To summarise, holidays CAN be stressful, especially when you’re me and find it somehow amusing to find many things to worry about. I still have to buy suncream, aftersun and various other items like that.

I’m worrying about not talking to friends, especially to you bloggers. I’ve not been active in the community much recently, which makes me sad – sorry! It’ll be okay though. I’ll also miss my real life friends like Odd, Wren, Red and Willow, but I should be able to speak to them all at some point.

OMG Elm, just enjoy your holiday! ARGH!!! (Sorry about that)

I’m obviously not going until Thursday, but I wanted to update you guys on how I’m doing. Again, I don’t know how much I’ll be able to write, so I won’t give an exact estimation.

You guys doing anything interesting over the holidays?

From Elm πŸ™‚

42 thoughts on “Holidays Are Actually Stressful

  1. Hey Elm, don’t worry about your body at all because there’s no such thing as the perfect body. Because I used to get fat shamed and now I’m body shamed for being skinny. There’s no in between. I know it’ll be hard and acceptance comes with time but I believe that you have it in you to do it. You’d look beautiful, I’m sure of it

    • I hope I would. You really make my day, you know that? There IS no such thing as a perfect body; everyone has their flaws and what people think “looks good” and that’s just natural. I think that at some point, I will learn to love my body, and that I won’t think I’ll look stupid in anything I wear. With encouragement from people like you, I’m already on my way to doing just that, and you have no idea how much that means to me. Thank you so much πŸ™‚

  2. I clicked onto this post and thought to myself, hey look at me! I’m regularly commenting! But then I realised it’s been like two days but hey ho! Whilst I’m barely on here anymore and am still having a tug of war with the concept of blogging I like commenting here because you’re site is so welcoming. Whilst I’ve blog-known you for so long, that vibe is still important to me.
    Honest to God, please do enjoy your holiday. You deserve it. If I could, I would magic your stresses away. Again, this post is relatable for me – although my stresses are different in nature as they are basically to do with studying (you know me, I never stop with teh mafs) – they are still stresses. I’m sending you a virtual hug. I can’t remember the last time I did so to anyone.

    • The thing is, it means so much coming from you because I’ve known you for so long in la blogosphere. You’re really fab. Yeah, we have different stresses, but the STRESS feeling is still the same, and so you understand.
      I will enjoy my holiday, because I just want to let go and be free. Have an amazing summer, and I’m sending a trillion hugwith. It actually means so much to me that you like reading my blog and commenting, because your comments always make me smile. EEEEK I’m getting emotional! But yas, even if the idea of blogging makes you go a bit “ahh what am I doing do I want this” I’m glad you’re still around.

  3. Don’t worry about how you look and if you saw someone with blonde hairs, you probably wouldn’t even care so most people won’t care and if they do, it’s their problem, not yours! I have really dark and thick hair so my legs look like gorillas if I don’t shave, it’s such a pain shaving, haha. I wish I have blonde hairs on my legs, it would be so much more easier πŸ˜‚ enjoy your trip to Italy, Italy is such a lovely country πŸ™‚

    • Thank you – I definitely will! I’m really looking forward to it now. You’ve made me feel a lot more confident about my body, actually, because you’re right: ig they care, it’s their problem. It’s MY body, after all. Thanks so much for making me feel happier! πŸ™‚

  4. ACK i get you about the whole shaving thing because I feel like the hairs on my legs are really dark (I’m Asian) and my parents are like, “You don’t need to get rid of the hair!” but I’m so insecure, so my parents finally gave in and are going to let me do it :). But during the school year, I almost dreaded hot days because I would have to wear shorts and expose my ugly unshaved legs to the world and everyone else had perfect legs soooo….
    Wait I should probably be encouraging you. Elm, you’re super lucky that your hairs are blonde and for God’s sake, you’re already perfect so please don’t get mad at yourself!!! I beg you!!! Just relax and have fun in Italy!! (and summer homework procrastinators unite!)

    • Yay, procrastination is the best thing! But seriously, thank you. You make me smile all the time, and help me to feel more positive about myself, and my body.
      Hanna, I guarantee that your legs aren’t ugly. Just be yourself, and screw anyone else who judges you for it! But do let me know how the hair removal goes; I know what it’s like to be insecure as you know. I’ll definitely enjoy my holiday, and YOU try and stay as positive as you can!

      • Procrastination is quite beautiful :). And no problem; honestly I feel like I wouldn’t be as confident as I am today if I didn’t always have your kind comments in the back of my mind.
        And yes, I do actually sort of glare at people if they give me a strange look… because I have no other way & I am very unapt at the social stuff.

  5. I wore a bikini in public for the first time in Aruba. I figured, heck, I’ll never see these people again, so why not? Although it’s way more than that. I have to read a really boring book and write a book report before August 22nd. Haven’t even gotten the book yet. I wouldn’t have started shaving my legs except that I have to for dance πŸ™‚ Have fun it Italy!

  6. I am jealous that you’re going on a trip to Italy!! I hope you have the time of your life! I get you on the whole bikini and body and hair issue though. I have dark hair so if I don’t shave I look a tiny bit like a gorilla! As for the hair growing back thicker? I’ve never noticed it. Sure it grows back and it can be a bit stubbly which makes it seem thicker but I don’t think it actually is. And I’ve been shaving for about 8 years now. Do what you wanna do girl, it’s your body! And also, wearing a bikini for the first time is scary business but once you do it you’ll be so pleased and excited with yourself! Anyway, everyone else will be too busy worrying over their own bodies to worry about yours (that’s what I always got told anyway..) πŸ˜€

    • Ahhh you’re so right! You give the best advice, honestly πŸ™‚ I think I may start shaving, because otherwise I’ll be so self-conscious that I won’t be able to do much. And yeah, let’s hope people won’t look at mine too much. I’m oddly anticipating wearing a bikini, because I’ve always wanted to do it, but only now have I got the self-confidbbe to try.
      Thanks – I’m sure I’ll have a good time! I hope you have a great summer.

      • You’re welcome! You do it! Plus, I love the silky smooth feeling of freshly shaved legs it makes me so happy!! Once you wear it you’ll be look ‘hell yeah this looks so nice!’ I’m sending you lots of confidence! πŸ˜€ And thanks, wish I was going on holiday but I’m moving house instead- much more stressful hah!!

      • Aww, I hope it allord goes well for you; moving house can be so stressful! And merci for the confidbbe; I needed it!

  7. Haha u knw what? It isn’t true. My mom said the same thing about the hair growing back more but I went behind her back and did shave my leg hair. Well that was because my leg hair is brown and it’s visibleπŸ˜’ so… yeah. It didn’t grow back A LOT. Also…. don’t let ur mind get to you! You’ll look pretty in anything you wear. Body image should matter to YOU not others. Have confidence in ur self and people will find you beautiful too. Have fun in Italy😁 Hope u have a great great great great great time. I bet you’ll look HAWT don’t let others get to you, Elm. 😊
    ~Nostalgia πŸ’œ

    • I’ll try not to! Literally you’re the best, you say things in a way that let me believe it! Ahh, people have said the hair growing back thicker is bullshit, and I do want to try shaving. Thank soooo much πŸ™‚ I’ll have a fab time in Italy hopefully!

  8. Feeling like you look good is great and most of the time it comes from being comfortable in your own skin and in what you’re wearing atm. If you feel comfortable, it just means you look wonderful. I’m sure you have nothing to be worried about, Elm πŸ™‚
    Btw, about shaving your legs, I’m in the same position and all I can say is: if you don’t feel comfortable with you legs, go ahead and shave them. Otherwise you don’t have to just because others do too.
    Have an amazing time in Italy πŸ’•

    • Thank you so much, Ruth! Yeah, I’m glad someone’s in the same position as me, because I felt kinda isolated? But not very. I hopefully will have a fab time in Italy, and I hope you have a good summer!
      Also, you’re right – I hope I’ll look good. It’s all in the eye of the beholder, after all!

  9. Elm, I’ve been reading your blogs but for some reason cuz of my weird wifi I couldn’t comment. SO sorry! But I just wanted to say i read bout the jasmine situation (the whole thing and i couldn’t comment idk why) But i totally agree! Do what you gotta do cuz neither do I want a serious relationship thingy in summer.

    Also, my summers are usually carefree but I get exactly what you mean, I sometimes worry about my blog not being good enough, or not blogging enough times, or about my friends, or my body (hence the whole working and eating healthier thing) But I know I’m doing it for me and It’s all gonna be fine in the end so I think that helps reassuring me I guess, although sometimes I do need friend reassurance too (I mean, who doesn’t sometimes?) Anywaysss have fun in Italy! And you’re great the way you are πŸ™‚ Enjoyy I hope the bikini fits too ❀ slayy!

    • It did, which I’m so happy about! Honestly your comment made me hapy, because it was so thought out.
      Thing is, I WANT my summers to be carefree. But I’m really happy that you understand where I’m coming from! Especially with the stress thing, and the Jasmine situation; I think we all worry sometimes. It’s natural, and I’ll need to remember that. My blog not being good enough is one of the main insecurities I have, but like you said: it’s good enough for me, and that’s all that matters. You’re so encouraging and it makes me very happy. Thanks for your comment – I know my response is a bit crappy, but oh well! I appreciate you loads.

  10. I GET WHAT YOU MEAN – ive said this before but im tiny and NOTHING FKN FITS ME !!! I always get so frustrated, but i think the best thing to do is not to wind yourself up about it and always (try) to reassure yourself. i hope that helps x also have fun in italy!

    • It really does because you’re in the same position as me, and that really helps! Being tiny is so frustrating, but we get through it πŸ™‚ Thanks so much; I’ll definitely try to enjoy myself!

  11. ELMMM. I can feel your pain through my screen. I go through the same thing every single time I want to wear something the teensiest bit revealing.
    And I can seriously sympathize with you on the too much hair thing. I’ve never shaved or waxed EVER till date. And everyone says i don’t need to but I’m still insecure. Insecurities come pre-packaged with every single body type, i feel. The best advice i can give here is just try not to think that everyone’s staring at you. And really, they’re not. It’s just this dirty little voice in our heads that prevent us from having the fun we deserve.

    • I definitely will! BUT OMG FINALLY I’VE FOUND SOMEONE ELSE!!! Sorry, I just feel like I’m the only one sometimes who hasn’t shaved/waxed or whatever! Thanks so much for your comment πŸ™‚

  12. Before I went on holiday I had no swimwear which I liked, and I feel like most places sell swimwear which they think will suit all ages, and in my case I then struggled to find cheap ‘teen’ (in other word more trendy) swimwear. I did though even if it did arrive a day before I went! Whoops! Ps. You have totally just reminded me of homework I have too!

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