Because I am obviously incapable of coming up with imaginative post titles, this is what it says on the tin: not that my post, or blog, is a tin because that would be weird and impossible. Okay, I’m getting off track…
It’s a day before Italy and for some reason, all my fear and nervousness has disappeared. My mum went shopping this morning and got me a bunch of stuff, like a cleanser, shampoo, conditioner blah blah blah, which actually made me feel a lot more confident. That, coupled with the lovely and supportive comments I got from you all yesterday, has made me feel a lot better about my body, and my personality in general. Thanks for that, by the way.
Robin’s coming over later – one of my best friends, who I’ve known for 5 years. As is customary, we’re going to have a massive catch up session which will include hours of talking about what’s been happening since we last saw each other – 6 months ago or so. I think that we both have a lot to say, which should be interesting because I tell her everything. AAAAAHH and the Jasmine situation… Great.
I’m pretty sure that that’s what we’ll be doing for a lot of the holiday. Sitting in the sun, just talking and laughing; that’s one of the things I’m looking forward to the most. Robin is such a good friend, and she actually understands me so much, and so we don’t have to talk all the time to be such good friends. Whenever we spend time with each other, it doesn’t feel like time has passed since the last one.
Unlike last year and the year before, where we went to France, there won’t be A teens club. That makes me kind of sad, because the friends I made at BASE – Like Cassia from last year commade me feel so much more confident about myself. Often, I don’t feel like a typical teenager, but in France I felt like I belonged somehow.
In Italy, I’m going to make an effort to approach other people our age. I’m sure Robin can help with that: she’s got more sight than me, so we won’t be walking up to 30-year-old people which would be so awkward. I always get scared that they won’t take me seriously because of my height and physical appearance, but people appeared to like me well enough in France. I should channel that to make me feel better, and not feel so self-conscious. Whenever I get insecure, I’ll just remember that Robin’s with me and that even if people don’t like me, it’s their loss and not mine.
Ohh, the memories from France are coming back. Last summer, I compared it to the year before on several occasions, which I shouldn’t have done because the experience was very different. I think I actually enjoyed myself more, because I was older and had gone through many things like the Ash situation, so I appreciated the new memories to a higher level, because I thought deeply about them. This year, I’ll plan to not compare the memories I have, and to just let go and enjoy myself.
I’m not entirely sure where we’ll be going in Italy. We’re staying in a caravan – and by “we”, I mean me, Robin and Robin’s family (pus her brother’s friend). At some point, we should be going out to see the local area and go to restaurants, which will truly make me feel free. I’ve always wanted to go to Italy, which is part of the reason I’m so excited.
As I’m me, I’m rather scared that I’ll “get with” someone in Italy. The possibility of that is shrinking, but it’s STILL a possibility. Because of what’s happened recently, I’m not sure if I’m in the right state of mind to just get with someone random, but who knows? If it happens, it happens. I won’t stop it, because I need to discover more about myself to get experibbes before I go to Sixth Form. Manipulative? Probably, but I’m trying not to fel shitty about it and to not regret any future… Happenings. That just sounds disturbing as shit.
Now I’m thinking about it, I’ve decided not to schedule posts. In doing it, it would make me a hell of a lot more stressed, and I don’t need that. That most likely means I won’t be blogging much, because this is my last holiday with Robin and her family for a while, and so I’ll want to spend as much time with her as possible and not be antisocial. However, I’ll make an effort to post if I can, like I did last year. If something interesting happens, you’ll be the first to know.
Yesterday, I got involved in a bloggers’ group chat for the first time in a while. It made me feel so happy, like I was including myself and not shutting myself off. Now, the inside jokes are legendary. I won’t be able to talk to them much in Italy, which makes me sad, but oh well!
I’ll miss you so much. I hope you have an amazing summer, whether you’re going on holiday or not. You can find plenty of things to do if you’re not going away; be imaginative and maybe go on walks, if you’re bored.
From Elm 🙂