One thing that you learn about me, quickly, is that I get scared of change. For example, if I realise I’m not as close to a friend as I once was, I get incredibly upset and overthink, wondering what I did wrong and how I can fix it. Realising that it just happens and that it’s okay is a whole other story, one I’m sure I could talk about for years.
Today, I had an experience that made me remember what friends I had – and not just that, but I remembered the friends that have stayed with me. The friends who, no matter how much time you spend apart, will always come back and will always make you feel valued.
I’ve known this girl – I won’t give her a name yet – for 6 years. Like with many of my friendships with blind people, I met her at “blind camp”. A year later, we were in Portugal together to do something which I can’t explain because anonymity. Ever since then, we’ve seen each other at some summer camps, and our parents are friends. The last time we saw each other, and spoke in-depth about anything, was last summer at ANOTHER blind camp. She’s lovely and hilarious.
A bit of background information: my friend S (I would come up with another name for him, but I used this one at the beginning and it stuck) goes to a school. I won’t say which one, but it’s far away from where he lives. My other friend also goes to this school (S has been going there since a week ago) and today, she took his phone and he then rang me.
There ensued a really long conversation, which involved her hiding in the bathroom from S, freaking out about not being able to get ready because they were going out with some friends, and so much laughter from me and her that I eventually felt sick. Talking to her was easy, and made my entire day. We promised to talk again, us saying that we hadn’t spoken in ages and that that NEEDED to change.
That conversation showed me that she’s a good friend. Despite the fact that we don’t talk much, in our chat we STILL spoke about deep things on occasion between the laughter. She and I have trusted each other with a lot of things. I admit, I’ve got jealous of her a couple of times because she sings seriously amazingly, but at the end of the day we’ve known each other for so long and I have a lot of memories with her.
It astounds me that I haven’t caught up with her sooner. Friends like that can’t be neglected, but occasionally I forget? That sounds awful, but I often get swept up in life and don’t remember to catch up with the people who have always been there. Even so, for all of that, they still don’t leave. They’re still there when I want to talk, and it’s with the same ease as before.
Knowing that there will be people that have my back is comforting. I’m not just talking about the people who have known me for a long time in school: they mean just as much of course, but it’s refreshing to take stock of the friends like her, like Robin and Poppy and Rose, that have stuck by me for such a long time.
I know that if she read this, or if any of the people I mentioned in the above paragraph did, they’d laugh until they sobbed or not understand that when I feel grateful for my friends, I mean it. I don’t thank people enough, and I won’t start going “THANK YOU!” to all of my close friends, but I think they know that I would say it.
Sometimes, I feel lonely, even when I’m surrounded by people. That choking feeling, when you ask yourself who would really give a shit if you just faded into. the background. However, now, I know that some people do care.
Some people won’t LET you fade away, because they’re always there. They may not call you daily, even text you for months, but that’s okay: when you need them, they’re there to make you laugh or to just catch up on life.
Friendships are a funny thing for me at the moment; I’m not as secure in how I feel about everyone as people might think. I will always respect my friends, but who I want to hang out with is changing, and who I AM is changing. Who I want to be, who people see me as and how I want to interact with people are also changing.
Through those changes, at least I have those constant friends.
From Elm 🙂