Sometimes, you find out that everything you thought about a person is… Wrong. Just wrong.
Yesterday, that situation happened to me. Ever since 10 o’clock last night, I’ve been unable to think properly about much. Questioning everything I know about that person, and about everyone else too. I can’t talk about it because:
1. I promised I wouldn’t
2. I’m not actually ALLOWED to talk about it
3. I don’t really want to talk about it
4. It’s too horrible to talk about or summarise in a sentence
If you get told something and find out that it’s a lie, a COMPLETE LIE, then it’s only natural to feel confused and hurt. Because I can’t go into specifics, I want to offer you some advice from someone who understands how horrible it is to think one thing about a person and then have that smash into pieces, so that you don’t know where you stand. Technically, the siffuation doesn’t apply to me, but I feel personally affected and guilty so I need to get my thoughts out.
Don’t blame yourself for it. That’s the most important thing. Because how were you to know that what you’ve been told is wrong? You’ve built up one person to be a “hero” or a “villain” in your head, and if you have that flipped over, I can understand why you’d feel as if you should have known. I’m telling you that that’s wrong.
When you’re fed one line, and only one, there’s no other option but to accept it as fact. You don’t even know that the choice exists to question it, because you trust the person that’s saying things to you. Once what really happened is brought to light, yes: you’ll kick yourself and ask yourself how you could have been so stupid as to just blindly accept it all. However, you can’t be held responsible for thinking something is the truth when you were never, ever given the other three sides to the story. It isn’t your fault if you had NO other information.
If you’re not actually supposed to know, then don’t tell anyone. The only reason I was told this thing was because the person in question thought I deserved to know, because I had a distorted view of the whole thing. Now everything makes sense, and I’m analysing everything I thought I knew ever since I was first told what supposedly happened. Also, DON’t even hint to the person that you know. I’m sensible enough not to, because if I do, a whole lot of shit will come my way which won’t just affect me by far.
When the way you view a person changes in a day, the only thing you can do is think about who YOU are. It’s not an adventure, a wild story to gossip about. It’s real and hurts people and it’s based on half-truths, outright lies, and so many more complicated layers. That’s what a situation is always comprised of, isn’t it? People never telling each other the truth, through no fault of their own maybe, but still.
Always remember that some things are so much more complex than they first appear. You can dislike a person but still feel so sorry for them. You can feel guilty and end up liking a person when a day ago, you thought they were awful. Things change, your view of people changes, and that’s TOTALLY FINE.
You’re not wrong if you don’t know what to think any more. I don’t, and I’m not wrong. I was just… Misguided.
From Elm 🙂