When Your Entire Perception of Someone Shatters

Sometimes, you find out that everything you thought about a person is… Wrong. Just wrong.

Yesterday, that situation happened to me. Ever since 10 o’clock last night, I’ve been unable to think properly about much. Questioning everything I know about that person, and about everyone else too. I can’t talk about it because:
1. I promised I wouldn’t
2. I’m not actually ALLOWED to talk about it
3. I don’t really want to talk about it
4. It’s too horrible to talk about or summarise in a sentence

If you get told something and find out that it’s a lie, a COMPLETE LIE, then it’s only natural to feel confused and hurt. Because I can’t go into specifics, I want to offer you some advice from someone who understands how horrible it is to think one thing about a person and then have that smash into pieces, so that you don’t know where you stand. Technically, the siffuation doesn’t apply to me, but I feel personally affected and guilty so I need to get my thoughts out.

Don’t blame yourself for it. That’s the most important thing. Because how were you to know that what you’ve been told is wrong? You’ve built up one person to be a “hero” or a “villain” in your head, and if you have that flipped over, I can understand why you’d feel as if you should have known. I’m telling you that that’s wrong.

When you’re fed one line, and only one, there’s no other option but to accept it as fact. You don’t even know that the choice exists to question it, because you trust the person that’s saying things to you. Once what really happened is brought to light, yes: you’ll kick yourself and ask yourself how you could have been so stupid as to just blindly accept it all. However, you can’t be held responsible for thinking something is the truth when you were never, ever given the other three sides to the story. It isn’t your fault if you had NO other information.

If you’re not actually supposed to know, then don’t tell anyone. The only reason I was told this thing was because the person in question thought I deserved to know, because I had a distorted view of the whole thing. Now everything makes sense, and I’m analysing everything I thought I knew ever since I was first told what supposedly happened. Also, DON’t even hint to the person that you know. I’m sensible enough not to, because if I do, a whole lot of shit will come my way which won’t just affect me by far.

When the way you view a person changes in a day, the only thing you can do is think about who YOU are. It’s not an adventure, a wild story to gossip about. It’s real and hurts people and it’s based on half-truths, outright lies, and so many more complicated layers. That’s what a situation is always comprised of, isn’t it? People never telling each other the truth, through no fault of their own maybe, but still.

Always remember that some things are so much more complex than they first appear. You can dislike a person but still feel so sorry for them. You can feel guilty and end up liking a person when a day ago, you thought they were awful. Things change, your view of people changes, and that’s TOTALLY FINE.

You’re not wrong if you don’t know what to think any more. I don’t, and I’m not wrong. I was just… Misguided.

From Elm πŸ™‚

25 thoughts on “When Your Entire Perception of Someone Shatters

  1. I’ve experienced this kind of thing before. Multiple times. And when your perception of someone completely changes, it’s confusing. I know that whatever happens, would not last forever. So keep your chin up and don’t lose hope πŸ™‚

    • I’ll try my very best. It’s just disorientating, having how you view someone as TOTALLY changing. I’m glad you understand, though

  2. As my English teacher always says: “One cannot simply take a character at face value. Look for complexity.” I know he was talking about novels, but this applies to basically everything to do with people

    • Honestly it really does. No one is EVER how they seem at face value; there’s always some hidden thing about them or at least two layers of complexity. Your english teacher sounds like a great person πŸ™‚

  3. I’m so sorry this happened to you 😦 Thank you for the advice though, it really helps. Big hugs!

    • I’m glad it does – any time! I just want to help people not to feel like I did and if I can do that, it makes my day πŸ™‚

  4. It sounds as if something really awful has happened, I’m so sorry! I really hope you get over it okay, and anyone else who is involved as well ❀

  5. Aww, elm! I’m so sorry that all this shit happened to you, your really don’t deserve it. I think that so many people experience this and it’s not fair. But the best thing is that you’re not alone and you have usπŸ’›. Hope you feel better soon xx

    • Thank you so much! I’m glad I have you guys; you’re such amazing people! It’s just that I’m STILL confused, and almost upset. But thanks for being here! xx

  6. When I was in year eleven, this girl lied about something happening to her that had actually happened to me. It made me clam up and never tell anyone for a good while after because you think — what if they think I’m lying? I don’t know how she could lie like that but she did and it didn’t just affect how I saw her, but how I saw myself. I totally understand you and I really hope you’re okay :’)

    • and And same with you! Thank you for showing me I’m not alone; it must have been SO awful to experience that! She sounds like such a soxic person.

  7. I’ve experienced that a few times and it always hurts and leaves you with a bitter taste. Sorry you can’t talk about it, but other than trying to move on, there aren’t really a lot of choices. Don’t be ashamed if you genuinely believed in something or someone, even if it turns out it was wrong, because it only shows what a kind and accepting spirit you are. Instead be more careful next time!

    • I’ll do my best πŸ™‚ Thank you! There was nothing I could have done to realise this person wasn’t who I thought they were; I only had one “side” of the story to go by, and I don’t blame myself for it. Thanks for the advice!

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