Over the past week or so, I’ve been my own personal category of rubbish: having no motivation to blog, not replying to comments, not reading blogs and checking my Twitter about as frequently as the Supermoon coming around. As I crawl out of my hole of procrastination, I’m wondering if I really – really – should be proud of this blog of mine.
It should be a stupid question: I’ve been writing on here for just over a year and a half, and I occasionally read over my old posts just to get a sense of how much my writing has improved. At some point, I’m going to go over to a friend’s blog and do exactly that with them, laughing as they laugh and blinking back tears when they do, because so many of you put emotion into your words that I feel like I’m experiencing what you feel. That’s the beauty of blogging.
Like with everything, insecurities always creep in. Am I good enough, for me, for you, for anyone? To combat it, I’m going to tell you the reasons I am proud of what I do. Yes, I may not have been great recently at keeping up with anything, but I’ll try.
I’ve developed with this blog. I can safely say that I’m not the same person I was a year and a half ago, and I can attribute that to the things I’ve written on here. My blog has helped me to grow, appreciate people, and understand why people think how they think. Putting my thoughts into order has helped me to sort them out so much more than I would have before, and now before anything, I think of how it would impact someone.
At the risk of sounding horrifically arrogant, my blog has helped people. Maybe not much, and only in the smallest of ways, but I know that at least one person has read my post and thought, “I relate.” If I can give people the feeling that they’re not alone, that someone else feels how they feel, then it helps both me and them. Through my words, I want to give people advice and tell them that I’m here, and I’ve achieved that in some respect.
I’ve amassed a vague amount of followers. In the grand scheme of things, follower count doesn’t matter and I’ve not got that many when you think about it. However, for me, it’s a personal achievement. It shows me that in my time of blogging, I’ve gone far beyond what I ever thought I’d do: I was hoping for 100, maybe 200 if I could, but nearly 2000? It never even occurred to me that I could get this far, and I’m proud of that. I’ve reached something I never thought I would, and stuck with it.
On that note, this is something which I’ve worked so hard on. I don’t spend hours planning posts, but when I sit down to write, all of my attention is focused on my words. It’s taken time to write how I write, to be comffortable with my writing style, and that’s always changing so it’s never set in stone. When I do read blogs and when I comment, I try to reflect my blog and along with that, my personality, in that. I put as much of myself into this blog as possible, because I want to show you who I am. I want to show the people that I love the real me.
The most important thing? I haven’t given up. It’s the one thing that’s been constant for me, through my turbulent emotions and feeling awful, and I need that. Even when my stats drop, when I get hardly any comments, I keep going. Stats don’t control what I write, or the quality of it; I control what I write, and when. My love for this blog has kept me going, so if I started to resent it because of anything, that stability would go. In a sense, having this blog has made me who I am and I don’t know what I’d do without it.
I’m not perfect. Sometimes, I get angry at my blog and call it shit, but that’s something so many bloggers do and it’s okay. I find it very difficult to talk about myself or things I’ve done in a positive way, but I’ve tried.
If you’re proud of your blog, or your schoolwork or music or personality, then tell people. Don’t shut yourself away from it, or call yourself big-headed.
You aren’t arrogant. You aren’t self-absorbed, self-obsessed, for thinking that you’ve done well at something. The reality is, you have.
From Elm 🙂