This is potentially the worst thing I have ever written and I’m laughing so hard that I can’t breathe because this is so bad. It has no plot, is only 1000 words, and completely takes the piss out of both myself and everyone else.
I present to you…
The Bloggers’ Fanfiction
I don’t know if this has been done before, and I’m nowhere near well known enough to have fanfiction written about me like really famous Youtubers are, so I thought I’d write one myself. Of course, this is a joke and shouldn’t be taken to heart; all these people are my friends and I love them.
People involved in this excuse for writing:
Sav hated Christmas.
Of course, everybody who knew him also knew that he hated the overdone and altogether irritating holiday. It wasn’t a secret, but as he stared fixedly at the monstrosity of tinsel and baubles that adorned the shop window, he affirmed very clearly in his mind that he did, in fact, hate it all. It wasn’t as if he even celebrated it, so having to look at all of the decorations made his head pound in a painful rhythm.
Really, Christmas had already passed, and so what was the point in having the decorations up? Sighing explosively, he gave one last glare to the offending window, turned, and hurried down the street. His walking pace was fast, not least because he was already 10 minutes late to the very important – at least to him – meeting he had today. Who could blame him when he was so occupied with thinking about said meeting?
The cold nipped at his cheeks, wind blowing mournfully down the empty road. It had taken him two hours to get to this point, as he had jumped on various trains and busses, his heart beating in anticipation – even more than it had been before. He supposed, though, that it wasn’t as far as some of the other people he would be meeting had had to travel.
Unlike last time, the plan had gone off without a hitch. Having 8 of them, rather than 4, had most likely helped with that: L had planned meticulously for every eventuality, whilst Elm had called him about 4 times just to check that he was still coming; Fibit would probably turn up, because he hadn’t been informed otherwise yet. He grinned then, remembering their last meeting: though it was the summer before, almost 1 and a half years ago, it felt like it was yesterday.
This one would be more special to him, he reflected as he turned left into a slightly busier road. Cars roared their insufferable song far ahead, hidden by buildings and people, but they didn’t interrupt his thoughts. Yes, this had been planned for a long time, involving 3 plane tickets, careful manipulation by everyone to make sure it could go ahead, and too many Skype calls to count.
As he approached the train station where he was meeting Abby, his phone buzzed in his pocket. Ignoring it, he crossed the road, finally coming into the station proper which echoed with the sound of a previous announcement, babies screeching, and footsteps.
She stood there, to the side, a grin breaking over her features as she saw him. Turning, they ran towards each other, hugging for what seemed like forever. He had been waiting for this, for almost a year, and he took in her expression with something close to wonder. He wanted to cry out of happiness, but being surrounded by people made that seem a bad idea. She was just a little shorter than him, making her the perfect height to hug, but eventually he let her go for the sake of time.
“Hi,” they both said, their mouths then curving into identical smiles. Abby had been in England for two days already, her and her family seeing the incredibly boring sights of London and the surrounding area. It was a blessing for them both that she managed to escape, telling her parents that she was going to a concert instead of meeting up with bloggers.
“It’s so great to see you,” Sav smiled happily, taking her hand and not seeming to care that his phone was constantly vibrating in his pocket. They walked out of the station, the freezing cold smashing into them. “English weather’s shit,” Sav grumbled, swinging their conjoined hands. “Shall we go and find the others?”
“Where are they?” Abby asked, turning towards Sav as they stopped in the middle of the pavement. “Did they say where they were going to be, or…”
His question was answered when they heard exasperated yelling coming from the next street. It was at such a high volume that even passersby stopped to stare. With that, Sav took Abby’s hand again – both of them were dressed in black, and were entirely comfortable around each other. Despite only having met once before, their friendship was stronger than any he had experienced, late night skype calls and inside jokes making him smile.
“Well how the BLOODY hell should I know where they are?” came the shout that grew progressively louder as they walked towards it. “I’m not superhuman, and even if I was, I’d have a shitty superpower like the ability to walk through walls or something!”
“Hey hey, calm down – Elm, stop rubbing your hands together – because we’re all here, and they can’t be far.” If Sav wasn’t mistaken, that was Fibit’s voice, something that was confirmed when Abby’s face lit up beside him. So, he had arrived.
“Sup bitches,” Sav called as he rounded the bend in the road, Abby moving to stand slightly ahead of him. She choked back laughter as they were met with 6 faces of incredulity.
“Where have you been?” He couldn’t take Elm seriously, the annoyance in her tone ruined by the fact that she was smiling, that her small body was shaking with suppressed laughter and because she was shoving L out of the way. She stepped forward uncertainly, almost rushing into Abby before they hugged. “Oh my god Abby!” Elm squeaked, and then moved to embrace Sav.
Fibit, Selfie, Ruth, L and Elly acted similarly, L doing a very good impression of a chicken, laughing when Elly and Elm began screaming as they realised that yes, they were next to each other and that this was actually happening. Abby stayed next to Sav, both of them integrating seamlessly into the group despite their late arrival.
“Okay, now we’re all here!” L shouted, clapping his hands. Elm closed her eyes, elbowing Fibit as they both tried to hold back their guffaws. Elly smiled at L, and though he couldn’t see it, he turned towards her and touched her hand quickly.
“Erm anyway,” Fibit said, taking charge of the conversation. “We never really said what we were going to do…”
“Who cares?” Selfie laughed, letting Elm take her arm. “Let’s just go with it. YOLO, you know?”
It was because of Selfie’s insistence that they just wing it that they all found themselves sitting, precariously, on a park bench. Elm, being the rebel that she was, sat on the ground with Ruth, occasionally mumbling “forever alone,” eventually turning to face the others. Sav glanced at her, confused as to why exactly she was on the ground, but didn’t question it. Looking over to L, he saw him leaning on Elly whilst cackling, and refused to ask either.
They had walked down the streets in what looked like a parade of 8, Sav and Abby leading as Selfie and Elm followed. The rest of them were disorganised, occasionally either getting lost or pushing each other into buildings.
The park echoed with their shouting and general madness, Elm and Ruth ganging up on both L and Fibit in what ended with a war of innuendos. Sav sat bolt upright, glaring.
“Excuse me, but I think I’m the king of innuendos here,” he grumbled as Abby nodded in agreement. “You can’t stop me from releasing it.”
Elm paused, staring in his general direction with something akin to horror. “Ruth, help; he’s coming to get us!”
L dived onto the ground next to Elm, almost knocking Elly off the bench. Apologising, he grabbed Elm’s arm. “I’ll protect you! I mean Elly’s cooler than you but I’ll still save you from Sav.” The only thing that Elm could respond with were howls of laughter as she wiped tears from her eyes.
After a few more minutes of confusing chatter, Sav felt wholly relaxed. Smiling at Abby, he basked in the sound of Selfie and Fibit arguing about Physics, L and Ruth scream-singing and Elm and Elly laughing for no apparent reason. There would only be one thing that would improve it for him.
“Look, can someone please explain to me what soldier means?”
Well, Sav thought. Elm just ruined the mood.
Don’t even ask…. I came up with this idea a while ago, but only started writing it today. I blame it on tiredness and a lack of creativity. If you’d like to see more plot-less and horrific fanfiction from me, let me know!
From a disgusted and embarrassed Elm 🙂