Small Confessions I Want to Make

Sometimes, all it takes to say something is a sentence; that’s okay because having short little thought explosions can help get my mind in order. Here are a few things I want to get off my chest, but writing a post about each one is too exhausting.

I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere and that nobody wants me in a group enough for me to stick with it.

I’m really bad at talking to people one-on-one, because I think I’m not interesting enough and that I have no real personality.

I’m terrified of being left behind and whenever someone becomes great friends with one of my best friends, I’m scared they’ll forget about me and I’ll be nothing to them.

I’m just scared in general that I was never enough for a person, that replacing me wouldn’t even be replacing to them because I don’t cross their mind enough times for me to be worth replacing.

I don’t eat enough and I’m hungry a lot of the time but sometimes, I don’t want to put the effort in to eat something.

I have a friend or two that I think I have feelings for, but I’m refusing to admit it because it might hurt me in the long run.

Being swept up in someone from my past is probably a bad idea, but I don’t know if I can help it or if I want to.

I’ve had feelings for a blogger – I suppose you’d call it that – and no one knew, knows or will know because it’s too embarrassing, stupid and would cause a whole lot of shit.

I’m paranoid that said blogger thinks I’m weird or hates me, but I’m illogically paranoid that many people do.

The most alive I’ve ever felt is when I’m disconnected from anyone that hurt me, but the happiest I’ve ever felt is being with someone that then did.

I’m known for accidentally spreading stuff I shouldn’t and I’m petrified that if I get too close to people, I’ll find things out and hurt them by accident, or cause a cycle of lies.

I don’t know what to do that will make me feel happier, or more connected with my emotions, that won’t result in confusion and pain.

I want to be happy, and I’m willing to try and let myself.

I haven’t had a real “crush” since July and I’ve forgotten what feelings without a dash of worry and pain feel like.

I want to fall in love but I’m trying to not hate myself first.

I’m worried that if I make people wait for me to be okay, they won’t move on and I’ll feel terrible and break people’s hearts.

I’m insecure about my appearance; I can become aggressive and I don’t know how to take compliments.

This is the most honest I’ve been on my blog for months, because right now I have no filter and I like it.

I feel like if I meet too many new people, I’ll be overwhelmed and forget about the old, but I want to get to know people and make as many people happy as possible.

I’m starting to help and care about myself, but in the process I think I’m neglecting everyone else.

There’s not one person who knows every single thing I’ve done because if there were, I’d end up hurting people by the things I say.

I’m not ashamed of anything I’ve ever physically done (if you catch my drift WOW).

However, if people knew everything they might be ashamed of me which is why I don’t tell them.

I love so many people – platonically – and I want them to know that.

To be honest, I overthink.

From Elm πŸ™‚

55 thoughts on “Small Confessions I Want to Make

  1. You know what Elm? These are just feelings that will pass. You may begin to feel bad from time to time but you will always come back stronger and better than you were before. Everything in our lives is to test us and are things we can learn from. No pain lasts forever. You will be fine πŸ™‚

  2. Hey it’s perfectly normal to feel these things. Never ever feel bad for them because you’re perfectly entitled to whatever you feel.

    • You’re right πŸ™‚ I just have to remember it. As you know, I get wildly paranoid about well, err, everything, so it’s going to take me a while to convince myself it’s alright to feel like this.

  3. It’s very brave to admit all this. We ALL feel similar and it’s a circus in my head and heart. You are strong and have a big heart.
    I wish I had been able to blog when I was younger: would have been nice to have an outlet besides a journal. 😊❀️

    • Thank you so much πŸ™‚ I’m so glad that I have this; it makes me feel loads better. The things I wrote down were straight from my heart ❀

      • I could tell. You have a community of support and we are here for you. I just wish it had been that way when I was bullied in school for being overweight. I was so lonely. I’ll never forget that feeling so I know how it is. I’ll always listen!

  4. I love how honest you are. You are putting everything, all of your fears and mistake, out there for your followers to see and I think that everyone should respect you for that because very few people would be able to do something like this. Indy xx

  5. OMG THIS POST IS EVERYTHING!!!! XD XD This is the most honest I’ve ever seen someone be!! And crushes hurt you soul, you really wanna have one? Omg, I love my crush, he’s an amazing person and I think he appreciates me but it still hurts AF!!
    And don’t worry about what others say, I also worry about it and it doesn’t make things better. And seriously? You’re a freaking amazing person, I don’t think A BUNCH of people say or think negatively about you! Not everyone likes us, but don’t be so hard on yourself!!
    Dude, platonical love is so stressful! I have a platonical crush on my teacher (you probably know that, oops haha) and the last thing I want is him to know, that would be so awkward!! LOL, but I guess it depends on the crush, but I’d like him to know I admire him and stuff, why not?
    I also overthink quite a lot now that I think about it, meh.. as long as it doesn’t make us cray cray, right? haha
    Again, LUUVED this post!! XD

  6. I think we should do a one on one Skype sometime; even if I’m just as awkward as you talked about in that point, I’m so similar with pretty much every single one of these and it’d be cool to talk about it πŸ™‚

  7. This is literally so good Elm. I think writing them down will help you, you are doing so so well already. So don’t try to rush progress. Sometimes you have to have a really shit day to get the courage to make the next day a good one xx

  8. This is such a great post, so honest! I think you have a lovely personality online which I’m sure is reflected in real life. You ARE interesting!!! 😊

  9. Hey Elm. You actually left out this. About how you make people feel good. Feel special really. The way you make people actually feel something through your words. That is something now, right? And I wish to wish I’d be able to have a nice long long talk with you one day. So long. πŸ™‚

  10. you are an amazing human being and it is okay to be feeling whatever you’re feeling whenever you feel it. Just know that loads of people love you, and you have no idea how much you brighten my day whenever I speak to you, and I’m not the only one to feel that way. You’re an absolutely wonderful friend, and if people can’t see that and don’t accept you for exactly who you are then they don’t deserve you!! Love you loads ❀

  11. I think first of all they are called crushes for a reason coz you know they can’t be yours and that crushes your heart / feelings, apart from that there was a time when even I used to get scared about losing my friends but what I have realized is, people come and go as THEY wish, what you do is never going to be enough, and u have just got to go with the flow, if u lost one frnd and got another whether that frnd be not that close to you, let it be, talk just as you would talk with any other, and don’t forget there are more than a million people on earth and maybe hundreds or thousands you are gonna meet in the future, and there may be someone just like you who also needs a frnd, a companion, a best frnd, or someone to rely on and in the end it’s your choice to pick that person and that person’s choice to stay with you. But never forget just be who you are and maybe you’ll start loving your own company more than others πŸ˜‰

  12. Honestly, don’t worry so much about people moving on from you. People change, even when you don’t want them to. Sometimes, you think they are the only thing you have, but they can just forget what a great friend you are. And this will make you sad, but you will move on, too. There are so many great people out there who, for sure, want to be your friends, they just might not know about it yet πŸ˜‰ also, there are things I can relate to in this post, so you’re definitely not alone!

    • Awww I’m glad of everything you said! It’s just so hard – how do Know if friends are the ‘right’ ones? I hate going through heartache but your support is so encouraging xx

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