The Problem with Showing People your Blog

As of yesterday, Ivy – one of my best friends – is the only person, besides myself, who knows pretty much everything that has happened over the last year. I spent the afternoon with her in the park, talking, laughing and us both getting embarrassed and morbidly fascinated about the situations that have both happened to us. Having not seen her for about 6 months, we caught up on everything and I told all of the things I had told other people but unlike other people, she was told all of it without me dancing around the subjects.

There are many upsides to showing people in real life your blog, especially when – like me – you talk about your personal feelings and life. One of them is that people get to know you better and understand you; another is that you can show them a big part of your life and another is to show that you trust them with how you feel. However, even if the positives far outweigh the negatives, there is something unavoidable that can happen. You can’t always tell the truth.

Some things I’ve desperately wanted to talk about and others would have been nice to just post a little about. It’s not that I don’t trust my friends: I do more than anything in the world, but there are some subjects I just can’t talk about with some friends and others I can’t talk about with other groups, mainly because I don’t feel comfortable discussing certain things and also because if I did, I’d get other people involved which could escalate the situation. The issue here is that people from different parts of my life read my blog – the VI community, very close friends at school, people I’ve been in relationships with – and I respect them all but not all of them know enough for me to post about it. If I did post about what I really want to post about, it would maybe upset people who still mean a lot to me and I don’t want that. I’m half protecting my own selfish skin and half stopping others from getting needlessly angry at each other… Bloody hell, this is complicated and I can’t even say it plainly!

For me, my blog is a place to let out my emotions. Not being able to let them out has probably caused me to shut down a little, meaning I don’t tell people what I’d want to say on my blog – now I think about it, that’s stupid, because surely if I couldn’t post it then telling people would be a good way to get advice? My mind is completely illogical sometimes. I think that because I don’t have this outlet as much as I’d want to, I subconsciously just refused to open up to the people who I know would listen, e.g my friends and all of you.

It’s not that I’m scared of what my readers would say. It’s because I’m scared of the judgement I’d get from people who I know shouldn’t judge me but would; I’m absolutely terrified of fucking up again and so I just don’t tell people what, maybe, it would be sensible to say. That makes me sad but it’s what comes with showing something I’m really proud of to my group of friends who couldn’t be more supportive but would they be supportive if I told them everything? I hope so but I don’t know if I can take that risk.

Even now, I feel awful for writing this. My legendary “paranoia” is telling me that when people I know read this, they’ll think I hate them and then will start hating me. I never said it was logical but now I’m worried that I’m going to upset someone.

Often, I tell those who’s blogs I read to post what they want to post because it’s their blog and that still rings true. I wish I could take my own advice because sometimes I feel trapped, not because I’ve done anything necessarily bad but because I know, if I had posted honestly about what happened from the beginning, from last May to now, things might have been easier and I might have made a lot of different decisions based on your amazing advice. Who knows, though? The decisions I made felt (mostly) right at the time.

The only times I post about things that may be considered “sensitive” are when I get permission from someone who might read it because that’s just polite and also when all the people reading it in real life know about it because if it was a big thing, which it often would be, I would have told them straight away. An example of that is what happened in October but even then I felt guilty. All of my friends knew but the post itself was so hard to write because I had to get the balance of revealing information and not accidentally making people irritated right, which I wish I didn’t have to do.

I think, after this, I need to start being a little bit more honest. Perhaps I should start explaining to my friends what’s been happening but that would involve me straight-up telling them I lied to them, something I’m uncomfortable with doing. On the other hand, I caused this and so it’s only right I make it better by actually telling the truth and not worrying about judgement.

Remember that your blog is your own and you should only tell people – if your blog’s a place for you to get your thoughts out – if you feel comfortable with them knowing everything. I don’t want you guys to be in a situation where you end up twisting the truth because you feel like you have no other option. I won’t defend myself because it was a shitty thing for me to do, along with a bunch of other things but now it’s all done, there’s no changing it or going back so I have to deal with those consequences.

I don’t regret telling people about my blog or showing it to them. What does make me sad is how that all turned into me avoiding telling people the truth, which meant I physically couldn’t post about it. However, like I say to people all the time, this is my outlet and I shouldn’t be controlled by what others think.

Have you told a lot of people about your blog and what kind of positives, or problems, has that brought you?

From Elm πŸ™‚

41 thoughts on “The Problem with Showing People your Blog

  1. My blog was the major outlet for me as well. I poured all my feelings and thoughts there. But recently, I’m sharing my blog with more people and a few read my posts. This makes me feel as if I can’t post honestly about feelings on life and people anymore. Although, I haven’t been missing it much because in the last few months, I’ve finally opened up completely to my best friend and every time I just go to her. She has become my outlet and she supports me, which is everything. If I hadn’t had her, I definitely would have missed posting on my blog way more. But I wouldn’t trade my best friend for anything.

    • I’m so glad that you have her!! πŸ™‚ I sadly don’t open up to one specific person and so I HAVE to do that on my blog. Do you show people or do they just find it? πŸ™‚

      • I don’t openly say I have a blog much, but when people ask what I do in my free time or what I like to do, I say I blog. Although rarely they ask for the link so only a few end up actually seeing it.

      • I think that’s a good way of approaching things πŸ™‚ I honestly think I should start opening up more but I’m so afraid of what people will think and also I don’t want to lose this outlet

      • I totally get how you don’t want to lose your outlet. Sometimes, I want to talk about things that I still don’t feel comfortable telling my best friend because she’ll feel too bad about it (she tends to take it personally that I’m sad) and have been thinking about writing posts and privatising them. I have to still look into how to let custom people access my privated posts so that if I want support from blogging friends, I can still have it.

      • You can password-protect posts; I’ve wanted to do that a fair few times. You can do the custom users thing with private blogs but I’m not sure about posts

  2. People actually found out about my blog because they looked at my search history as a joke but it was only my best friend so it didn’t really matter at the time, however, social media and my blog gaining popularity, people who go to my school have actually found it and read it so I sometimes have to be very careful about what I say. It’s very annoying and at some points, I’ve wanted to create a new place for me where I could be anonymous.

    • Yeah I totally get that; sometimes I want to do that too but there’s no way I could give this up πŸ™‚ Do you feel frustrated about how you can’t talk about things sometimes?

  3. Some people from my family and friend circle are aware that I blog, but I only shared my writings with 3 of them. They actually don’t read me anymore, and I like it like that. I totally understand the frustration of not being totally free to speak your mind. That is why I keep blogging and my personal interactions completely separated…

    • That’s a sensible idea and I almost wish I’d done it from the beginning. I really think it’s important to have an outlet and it’s great that you have a space for yourself πŸ™‚

    • Literally me because we’ve worked so hard on our blogs and I’m ALWAYS ALWAYS scared people will judge me 😦 ahh but if they did I’d know what kind of person they were. It’s all about trust and IT IS SO SCARY

  4. Sadly, at first when I made a blog I didn’t realise how much of an outlet it would become for me. So I told all my friends because I was so excited, and less than a month later I realised how that wasn’t the best idea! They don’t read it all the time, whenever they feel like it really. But my blog still isn’t private, I’ll never know if they’re reading a personal post I didn’t want them to read. Oh well, I should have thought about thatπŸ˜” Great post😊

    • Thank you!! But honestly, no one can predict these things and I understand about the excitement. Don’t beat yourself up for it because you can’t change the past. I know how you feel though but the huge upside to this is that we still have people we met on here to confide in πŸ™‚

  5. Honestly, Elm, I love the way you write. It’s just so pure and straightforward, even when you use some words that have such a deep meaning.
    I have no idea about what it feels like to tell people about your blog because I haven’t done it before. I’ve been having a thought about telling my best friend about it, but I’m not sure if it’s a good idea just yet. I share stories on my blog and, just like you, I’m not sure I can share them with specific groups of people.
    But at the same time, I’m sharing it with the whole world wide web, which basically means everyone in the world with an access to a computer and internet connection, including everyone I know, can read it.
    We’ll see how it goes for me ; )

  6. I’ve showed my best friends mainly for the reason that if I don’t feel like I can tell them my true emotions and thoughts, or that they can handle it, then are they really my best friends?
    Plus they’re so supportive and help with post ideas, photography, etc

    • I love that you can do that πŸ™‚ my problem is that I told people and now some of the people I told I don’t trust anymore. But your friends sound so so amazing πŸ™‚

  7. Once upon a time, my blog used to be secret. Now, so many people I know in person know about and some follow it too. Friends and family alike. It feels nice when they give me their opinions and stuff but there’s one major, major drawback and that is I have to be very careful about what I post. It is annoying and frustrating. It’s like I don’t have the freedom to post what I want on my own blog. Admittedly, I don’t really share anything private on my blog, but recently I’ve wanted to and I can’t. *sigh* Telling people is a double edged sword, that’s all I can say.

    • I couldn’t agree more with that statement! It’s so hard to get the balance, above all when you REALLY want to post about something but can’t 😦 I get your frustration so much. You know I’m always here if you need to let stuff out πŸ™‚ And thanks for letting me know I’m not alone

  8. I totally understand this. Now that I’m not really anonymous I cant talk about family issues or stuff like that because people from my school can find it and know that its me

    • I haven’t had that yet but I can understand how annoying that is 😦 argh – and you didn’t really have a choice about the anonymity, right?

      • Not really. I know Sarah still reads my posts, but I don’t really mind anymore.

  9. I can completely relate to this because like you, my blog is a place where I pretty much post what is actually going on with me. But the problem is, that I now don’t do that, because too many people who matter read it, and I don’t like explaining things to them, things they ask me about after posting on here. As a result, my annonymous outlet is not so anonymous, and I have to battle cravings to delete everything and start over.
    I’m hoping it soon gets better, because even though I value my friends, writing and not caring about having to explain myself is a joy unparalleled to anything else.

    • Honestly you’ve totally summed up my emotions πŸ™‚ Sometimes I get so tired of explaining things that I end up not saying anything at all. Just remember that an outlet can still be one, no matter how many people read it. You can always create another blog for releasing all of it if it gets too much. I understand how you feel and if you ever need anyone to talk to, I’m just an email away. Thanks for your comment because I always get panicky that I’m alone in how I feel about the problems with not being SO anonymous. It can be so frustrating

  10. I told my best friend and my mom. With my best friend is okay but then my mom told my aunt and cousin and I so don’t want them to read it, they asked for the name and I’ve just been avoiding the answer 😬

    • That’s literally my reaction – I told a friend by accident about a year ago and she tried to find it so I said I deleted it – I’d revealed WAYYY too much info about it already. Ugh I hate it when people tell others about something so private about us!

  11. My best friend and one of my other friends knew about my blog and I wasn’t too bothered about that. But then, I think some people at my school found out about it and it made me uncomfortable I suppose. So I private my blog for a while but now I’ve taken the step to make it public again as I just want to share it with people πŸ™‚

    • I’m really proud of you for taking that step πŸ™‚ Thanks for your comment. Luckily, people at my school haven’t found it yet which I’m very, very happy about

  12. Only a few people know about this blog. I totally know how you feel! Like you, this is my safe place. Explaining what I feel here is much better than talking to someone about it, because it’s very tedious or I’m just too shy to actually explain myself or I’m uncomfortable. I love my friends – but I don’t really like explaining myself to them.

    • Oh my gosh YES, that’s exactly how I feel!! πŸ™‚ Thanks for putting that into words for me because I couldn’t have written it better!

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