This is just a rambling post, written by someone who’s had little sleep and feels mildly ill. However, I think that this state can produce the best kind of content (or what my version or “content” is at least).
Recently, I told a good friend that I loved them.
“You know I love you, right? Not like that but I still love you.” It was the most truthful thing I’d said in weeks, something I meant with everything I had and it terrified me more than anything. It left me feeling free, like a weight I didn’t even know existed had been lifted. Even so, it took a lot out of me, expressing what I felt so plainly.
When I said “love”, I meant that I loved them as a friend – in a platonic sense. Now, I don’t feel as if I have the capacity to love romantically; I feel so torn up and tired by myself that the thought of someone else, like that, makes me so weary that I have no energy left. But this was easier. Somehow, telling someone that I loved them in friendship made me more giddy than if I had told someone that I loved them in any other sense.
I think that my friend took in what I said to him and it’s given me so much courage. I’m always afraid to tell people how I feel, even in a platonic sense like that but I think it can be really good for you. Not only does it show you that you can be open with people but it also lets your friends know that you appreciate them a hell of a lot. Everyone needs to be told how much they mean to another person once in a while – even me with my stone cold heart. I took that step and yes, it’s a small one but it helped both of us to understand each other more.
Love comes in so many different forms that it can be hard to distinguish between them. Sometimes it’s not as clear-cut as saying a simple “I love you,” but saying those three words can somehow convey all of that. Maybe that only makes sense to me but it’s as if the emotion in your voice can display that entangled yet simplistic emotion. To me, they have power: it’s how you say it, how you can prove to someone that you care about them. I still have that fear of screwing up how I’ll say things but telling someone I loved them is the first step to conquering that fear. I want to continue doing it so that the next time I tell someone how I feel about them, I don’t get that terrified leap in my chest because previously, those words had scared me beyond belief.
When you feel like it, tell one of your friends that you love them. It can be for something they’ve done or just because they’re a great person. Even if you’re scared, the good thing about friends is that they’ll understand in which way you mean it. There’s little danger of them shoving you away or telling you, “I don’t feel the same way.” That’s why this kind of love doesn’t panic me so much.
Friends stay with you; I know this even for how paranoid I get. They are beautiful and the love I feel for my friends isn’t tainted by terror or the thought that they could never love me back. They do. That’s one of the things of which I’m certain.
To all of you, you mean so much to me. I’d happily tell you I care about you because you listen, take in my words and then you make something of them. The content that people in the blogging world create is wonderful because it’s so incredibly diverse and that’s another reason why I care about the people who’s posts I read.
Remember: love doesn’t always have to be about romance. It’s scary to tell a friend that you love them but if you do, you’re just expressing your friendship. That’s beautiful and you aren’t being overly-emotional. You can love a friend just as much as you love anyone else.
Love is still love, no matter what form it takes.
From Elm 🙂